Crockpot Jesus in a Microwave world

In recent conversations with some of my closest friends, I have found that I am not the only one "waiting".

I have tried to be the gentle spirit that reminds people to just wait- but waiting is hard.

Things I hate waiting on:

• The laundry to finish the wrinkle release cycle
• Test results- either in medical or physical form
• Slow people in aisles
• Slow people on the road
• Slow people in general
• a service company- I'm looking at you alarm and cable companies
• a long time for food at a restaurant
• answers when I don't have or know them
• long lines
• people using EBT cards with big buggies
• people with EBT cards
• food that requires more than 3 minutes of microwave time
• people who are fully capable of serving themselves- but refuse

So- there are a few "earthly" things I hate waiting on. Sometimes- we are really tested with waiting on things we really want.

A new house - car- job. A significant other. A promotion. An answer to a long time prayer. A better life for our families. A better life for us. A new opportunity. A change in place. A feeling of purpose. Restoration and healing.  An understanding and clarity. Just some peace, Lord. Strength- guidance- and comfort. Many things, yet we don't always get it instantly.  

We live in a microwave world but serve a crock pot Jesus. (direct quote from me)

Microwave is almost instant. I lived off of instant Kraft mac and cheese in college because it was easy and quick. 2 minutes and you are done. 

Crockpots seem to take FORRRRRREEEEVVVVVEERRR (in a Sandlot voice). You can't open it until it is had the full time to cook- but man, isn't it Amazing when you finally get to open it?!

Our life: Why not now- God- why not? Why can't this, that, or the other go my way?

In reality: God says "It is not time"

Everything has a distinct and purposeful time. It may not come when we want it- or expect it- but I believe it will come. 

Ecclesiastes 3:11 says "He has made all things beautiful in its time". A favorite verse that reminds me- its time is not my time. 

What power is that to know that something beautiful will come from every situation we struggle with. 

The first part of Ecclesiastes chapter 3 goes like this:

There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

2     a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
4     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

I don't know what "time" you are in right now- but my prayer is that you will be reminded that your time is not really "yours" and that God's timing is always perfect. Sometimes our waiting is a miserable process- and we want to give up. But in that process God makes you to be exactly what he wants you to be- and is making something beautiful out of it. Sometimes, we have to realize we might not get to see the beauty, but it will still come. 

Your time will come, it may not be the way you would have chosen, but thankfully the Creator of the world holds us in his hands and he doesn't wear a watch or follow earthly deadlines. 

With 4 days left

I haven't written since I was trying to get that large elephant off of my chest. I have been enjoying my marriage and taking in the last bit of the first year- and let me just say the first year was great.

Along the way in revealing my weaknesses, my vulnerabilities, my struggles and what I am dealing with as a Christian woman- not anyone else's stuff- it seems I have been once again labeled a hypocrite and the internet police have said "I can't do that". Word to the wise- if you complain about what I write- and tell me directly to my face that you don't want to read my blog or talk about me and what I write- um...don't read it. It isn't a make or break deal for me. But in all seriousness, if you say you could care less what I write about (hey, for the record- it is mainly Jesus)- why are you still here?? You don't have to read this, no one is forcing you.

 I'm not alarmed if my readership doesn't increase. Again, this is my therapy and my time. This is my blog. Not a tutorial. Not a cookbook. Not a fashionista stop. There are plenty of awesome blogs that do that. This is however, my real world and I'm trying to be honest. I'm not here to deal with anyone but me. My writings can come across as snarky, but if you truly know me- and know my heart- you know that being a Christian is everything to me.   

Since my last reveal of what I had been dealing with, I have prayed and prayed- gone to the alter and prayed for healing and restoration. I have shared my struggle of unforgiveness with my Sunday School class and I have complained to my husband for the past 4 months. 

I haven't been praying just for me- I have been trying to pray for the people who hurt me as well (even when they don't want my prayers). Do y'all even know how hard that is? I'm thankful that I have a God-fearing husband who helps me with the things I struggle with. He reminds me that they need grace just as Christ gave it to me. Hard. Pill. To. Swallow. 

Grace can be summed up as: getting what you don't deserve. Man, sometimes I wish that "eye for an eye" was still in play. That is wrong guys, but that is truth. But my loving husband with his patient and godly heart, reminds me that it does no good to treat people the way they treat you. It only makes your character a reflection of your flesh- and not a reflection of Christ. 

My one and only goal in this life that I have been given is to model Christ. All the rest will fade away. I want to know that I have defended my faith and stood up when others persecuted the Jesus I love. I want to know that I have been an example of Christ to others when they needed it most. I don't selfishly want this for my gratification- I want it for God's glorification. Move me out of the picture. 

Sometimes I don't have a Christ-like attitude. You know why? Because I let my flesh get the best of me and let the devil get a foothold. I am human- and I never said I was perfect. I do, however, believe in the author and perfecter of my faith and I know that Christ is in me. 

As the last days of lent wrap up, I pray my revelation of Christ is magnified and he is glorified. I pray for healing still in my heart and those who have shot the arrows. I pray for Easter to be a marvelous reminder that God's love for us is real and nothing can take that away from us. 

This aint Nintendo

Yesterday was a pretty rough day for me. As you may have read (if you didn't- here it is). Not only were my feelings and my pride hurt, I cried a lot. At work. I didn't even cry at home when I was originally upset Wednesday night about it- but cried really bad in a dear friend's office. 

So as I quietly lost control over my emotions yesterday about my blog not being as life changing as someone else's who got 50K views in 2 weeks of its inception- and I have to BEG people to comment about mine so I can give them free stuff- just to reach 11,000.. I proceeded to tell my coworker why I was upset- I told her that we as humans try to downgrade other's stages of their lives by saying "just wait til.. you are married..you have kids...til you are an adult..til the newlywed stage is over. Til you hit this age. On and On and on. What we are doing is taking away joy and cheating people out of happiness and living their life in their current place. We are saying that you have to get to the next level to have success or find your purpose.  This ain't Nintendo. This is real life- and I DON'T have to get anywhere but at the feet of Jesus.

I told my friend that I didn't need to get married to have my identity validated. I don't have to wait until I have kids to realize my purpose. I don't have to do X, Y, or Z to be successful. I don't have to one-up anybody- because it doesn't matter. Christ is where my identity is found- and all this other stuff is just extra. I said these words even as my other friend was texting them to me. She said "Your worth doesn't come from your blog- Your worth comes from Jesus, the Son of God!" 

I was also reminded that in the grand scheme of things- it is ok if I am not as cool/ popular/awesome as anyone else- because Jesus should be enough.

I seem to give myself great advice when I am in the middle of a letdown- and God seems to provide His Truth in times of need- I just choose to not listen to either sometimes.  

My husband went out of his way to send me verses that told me truth of comparing myself to others. There were 29 verses- but one stood out most. "Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ" Galatians 1:10

Straight to the heart- because I'm so vain. Not. About. Numbers. Rachel. God sees the heart. 

Late that night, Another sweet friend texted me some really uplifting words before I went to sleep. I needed to be reminded that "It is nice to be important, but it is more important to be nice". 

Sometimes we have a bad crappy no good day. Sometimes- in the midst of our shadows, the light of Christ comes to us from someone/somewhere we didn't expect- because someone chose Jesus as the answer. I just needed my true friends to remind me of grace- and that who cares what the world says or does. 

 Thanks for reading. Even if the numbers never change, I will know that I can take my own advice when I need it again. 

A new start-and goodbye to the end.

2014 has come upon me a lot quicker than I anticipated.

Let's cut to the chase. Here are the things we will be leaving behind from 2013- that I, we, will not bring in to 2014. No way no how- not now. (A little Dr. Seuss for you on this arctic chill day).

D-R-A-M-A  drama- oh oh- you got that way because of your si..and just like that we leave it there. Team Pope has vowed to not let the last 2 months of 2013 hell carry over into the rest of our lives. One side of the coin is much better than before, praise the Lord!- but the other side- well, we are just leaving it flipped over and not worrying about it any more. Leaving the Jerry Springer episode to be continued (but in my mind- honey the show has been canceled and we movin' on up).

Negativity. You and all you bring have no place or welcome in our home or mouths or lives. Holla.

Pointless investments. We don't have the time, effort, or desire to engage in things that are not worthwhile. Bring on the real stuff, because  we ready...we ready..we ready for yall. (if you don't get that music throw back, I am getting really old).

The daily comparisons. You are out like power in a snow storm. We will take what we have been given and rejoice in it- and not woe is me ourselves when we look at what our friends have been blessed with. 

Now- on to what we hope for and are excited about in 2014. 2013 was incredibly good to us, despite our family feuds, so I can't fault it too much.

We look forward to White Cosby's 70th birthday in February- Kevin's 30th in May- and mine (oh. em. gee.) in August. Thank you Lord for a late summer birthday, so I can hold on to 29 8 more months! We will celebrate 1 year or marriage in April- that is crazy we are at the 8 month mark. Time flies when you marry the man of your dreams.

Kevin will take a big test soon for work and we are hoping for good results. He is pretty smart, so I think he will do fine. 

My mom will get a much needed knee replacement and we are praying this goes well and that it is a huge help to her. You can join us if you like. 

My sweet Jackson- the oldest of the elite 8- will be 13. I think I am going to cry. 

We hope to establish some sort of ministry with friends in the coming months. My heart is heavy laden to use our house for good, and my husband gives me his full support. 

We plan to enjoy every moment we can together. Lately we have gotten really good at watching movies and hanging out. I'm not complaining. 

I see our spiritual lives getting stronger- because of the deep desires we both have to be the best we can be for our other half and to serve the Lord. It is an amazing thing to hear your husband pray- even when you dont have the will or the words. It also makes my heart smile to know that my husband's relationship with the Lord is much stronger than the relationship we have. 

We will try new things, take in the view, and be ever mindful that that Lord has been good to us. We will listen more, pray harder, and be in the moment. We will allow God to be the potter and we will be the clay. 

I hope to make some meaningful investments in people this year. I had the privilege to work with the youth for the past 7 months and we pray for new relationships for this year. 

So there it is. A different approach to a new year. Positivity and a whole lotta prayer. Although weight loss and fitness would be nice (cause let me tell you...married life looks gooood on me. A little too good if you know what I mean.) 

Thanks for reading! Stay tuned. Mondays will be blog days. I really am committed to see this thing through this year. Keep coming back. I just might do a giveaway soon. :)



- Rachel

2013 in review

So last year I made a big 13 point goal list. You can read about it here. 2013 goals

Let's just say I didn't quite reach most of these goals. I did read a few books- not 13- but my textbooks count as 2 apiece- so that's 4, then I read Beyond the Badge. I started another...but haven't finished it. Oh- I also read American Sniper.

I do pray for my husband a lot. A whole lot. From the time I wake up to the time I go to bed. 

Dog walking. Ha. Those poor babies need some walks. 

Out of 13 places. I went to: Hilton Head, Miami, Honduras, Belize, Cozumel, Grand Cayman, Boston, Savannah, Statesboro, Tybee, Atlanta, Macon, Lyons, Griffin. Some old- some new. 14. Check. 

Let's look back at our year in review- the things we did do:

January- Purchased the (absolute dreamed up in my head) wedding dress with my mom

February- I think we went out the night before valentines- and just stayed at home for the love day..but I don't remember. 

March- Had the time of our lives on our bachelor and bachelorette parties- I went to Hilton Head with my girls and Kevin took over ATL. 

April-Something happened this month- but I can't put my finger on it. OH that's right- The New Pope was crowned! Me. We had the most awesome wedding with the most perfect weather and the best of friends there to watch us become united. We took a trip of a lifetime and went on the best vacation cruise ever. Cozumel, Belize, Honduras, and Grand Cayman.

May- The Mr. celebrated his first birthday married (and first birthday with me). Cirque de Soleil was a great gift! As a late present I flew him to Boston for a week and let him have a great time while I was at a conference. We also got to meet up with my host family from Connecticut and have a fabulous Italian dinner with them. 


June & July- we played on the lake as much as we could. My husband tried to teach me how to wakeboard- but it isn't for me. We didn't go to the ER this year- so I count that as a plus. We did bust one tube (well the youth did), but I think they had a blast. We also learned that Papa Pope is a maniac when he drives the boat. It is scarily awesome! We did make a trek to Six Flags with the youth and had a great time. 

August- 29 came for me with a 2nd Annual trip to the beach. My parents and my in-laws (and all of our dogs) rented a condo in Tybee to bring it in. Oh- and I started school at Georgia Southern to take some classes- to determine if I want to pursue a higher degree. We got a free trip to Savannah for work and had a good time hanging out with some of Kevin's old Nighthawk buddies. 

September- Georgia Southern Football game. 

October- We took our annual Halloween picture...And went to a UGA game thanks to some friends. 

November- Kevin got his first buck! 8 pointer. We hosted Thanksgiving for my parents, my aunt, and 2 cousins at our house. I made everything but the turkey and some butter beans and peas. I think it went surprisingly well- I was proud of my spread. Kevin was a great help too. We also took a trip down south and blew up a lot of things (the boys did) and hung out with friends. And we didn't go black Friday shopping. A first for me since I was 15 I believe. 

December- Kevin got his 50th DUI arrest for the year, which is awesome. He will get a MADD pin to add to his collection. He also made a first: DUI arrest on a bike. I completed my 2 classes with an A and a B- which I thought was going to be a C..but am super thankful for the Lord working in on that one. 
8 Months of marriage to round out the year. 

I think we have had an amazing start to the rest of our lives. 2013 was pretty great. Here's to hoping for many more memories together!

The times when

I took a significant break off from blogging. I got really busy with school and investing in my first year of marriage- so although I missed out of writing, I invested in some worthwhile things.

There has been a LOT of negativity surrounding me lately- whether through people who are just plain ugly in their actions or attitudes- or through the pursuing of increased education and it.being.really.hard.- or through the word "fake" manifesting itself in my daily presence- or even through just not having a clue about what to do with life.


And- as much as I sit here and complain about it, I keep telling myself- have you prayed about it as much as you have complained about it. The answer in a nut shell- nope. 

Why do we as Christians- who have a direct line of communication with the Creator of the world- neglect to talk to him- when we can spend hours surrounded by friends at football games, or type hundreds of words in texts to people all over- but can't seem to make time for prayer?

Avoidance. We as humans do it everyday to something we don't want to be around. It might be people who dont live the same lifestyle as us, people who are different- people who have hurt us- or people who think they are better than us; a place that makes us uncomfortable- a food that brings back a bad memory; music, clothes- or sometimes even the things that we know are a temptation for us- we avoid that if we choose to not act out on our flesh. I avoid people, probably that I shouldnt but Im not ready to make nice with; I avoid dessert right now because Im trying to get my act together. Music that sings about things that arent really uplifting- places that really arent a joyfiller- and more of a joykiller. Tv shows that are gory and gruesome- but mainly I avoid my Savior. 


 I share my problems with friends- my sweet husband- and myself, but avoid giving it all up to the Lord.  Knowing that my true friends do care makes my heart a little less heavy, but I sit and think about how much more God cares about me. Way more than I could ever dream or imagine or measure. And yet I still choose to not give him all of the stresses and tell him it is too much.

I feel closest to God when I write out my prayers. Maybe I enjoy writing on here because I feel like God is working in and on me as I get my thoughts out of my head. 

I am reminded of a few songs and verses that encourage me to get it all out and give it to the Lord.
"You never said it would be easy, you only said I'd never go alone"
"Cast all your cares upon him, for he cares for you" (Jeremy Camp)
"Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully." 1 Peter 5:7, Amplified version
 "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

Maybe this week I will give it up and get it out. God is the only true problem solver- the infinite answer- and the only peace. 

If you would listen

I would say these things:

- Just because "everyone else is doing it or accepting of it" doesn't mean you have to follow suit.
- Teenage love is a very fragile and strange thing. Don't get so caught up in that boy that you miss out on high school.
- Real love is possible- but it happens when God wants it to happen to you. Stop trying to rush it.
- Don't start rumors. Derail that gossip train or jump off of it. Nobody likes to be talked about.
- So many things are going to change from the time you graduate high school til the time you are 25. Pace yourself- do a lot of fun things- and make memories- not regrets.
- Don't live in the "shoulda, coulda, woulda"- live in the I came. I saw. I conquered.
- Be the friend you would like others to be to you.
- Be honest. Talk open. Listen sometimes. And just because you have an opinion, doesnt mean you have to share it all the time. 
- Go out of your way to do something for someone that you don't like. Show them how to love, even if it hurts your pride.
- Give your best- do more than try. 
- Find positive things in life that make you happy- and dedicate time weekly to do them.
- Spend time in the Word. Learn it, recite it, memorize it, hold it dear to your heart. 
- Don't set the example- be it. 
- Learn to let go of things that are not bringing you closer to Christ. Know that everything comes in seasons.
- Sometimes, it is ok to rock the boat. Capsize it even. But be tasteful about it. 
- Be willing to forgive. Holding on to anger only rots YOU from the core. Allow God to provide the healing.
- Stand up for what you believe in, and if you are proven wrong, learn from that experience.
- Money does solve problems as well as create them. It can buy things to make you happy, but also those things will soon make you miserable. 
- Focus on Christ and center your life around him- and everything else will fall in to place. ( Matthew 6:33)

These are the things I would say to me. 

Things we are afraid of

Our Sunday school lesson this week talked about our fears. We had to go through a list of phobias and match them up with their phobia word.

I am not really scared of crowds, more so the people in the crowds.

I am not scared of the dentist- I actually like going- except when my teeth are sensitive.

I am not afraid of puppets- but creepy costumes and haunted houses freak me out.

I can deal with storms, I just dont like them.

I am not afraid of food, I just refuse to eat, touch, and smell certain ones. Mushrooms, olives, hotdogs, sausage in certain forms, coffee, tea, coke.

I am not afraid of being alone or by myself- sometimes I appreciate that time. I do worry about one day not being married to Kevin because of whatever- but I try not to dwell on it.

I wasnt really afraid of the things on this 10 item list, but I had to sit back and think of what I really am afraid of.

Someone hurting me or my family. That is a big one. I had my headphones in at the grocery store last night (to be alone) and Kevin said that wasn't safe because someone could attack me from behind and I wouldn't hear them. Clearly I wasn't too afraid of that last night- but now I am.
Even someone being mean to my parents doesnt sit well with me. Because my dad is older and doesnt understand this new technology way of life and my mom works in retail with mean customers.

Failure. One of my biggest. At being a noteworthy wife. School with Georgia Southern. My job. Working with the youth. Crafting. One day being a mom who has kids that turn out awful. I try not to spend much time here, but I think about failing.

I dont work so well with bugs. They creep me out and make my skin crawl just talking about them.

Scary movies and I don't mix. Yikes- I really dont like them at all and nightmares and lack of sleep are not something I enjoy. Keep them and the scary people in them away from me.

Some girl ruining my marriage. (I try to avoid thinking that my husband would be the cause of ruining it, because I dont want to think of him like that). Why do people think it is ok to mess up someone else's marriage because they aren't happy in theirs- or they want something that belongs to someone else (if they arent married)? This is probably #1 and I don't know it. Too many of my friend's and people I know through other friend's marriages have fallen apart because of this. It scares me everyday to think that my innocent sweet and top of the world marriage could fall apart because some girl whisks her way in between me and my husband. AHH. It makes me terrified and angry at the same time.

My husbands job brings a lot of sheer terror to my heart, but I choose not to dwell there. Because if I did, he would never be able to leave the house. I know he is in good hands and he is very talented and discerning in his job. I just consider it work like normal and look forward to seeing him come home every day or night.

Jesus says to not be afraid 21 times in the New Testament. That seems like a lot to me. I am going to hold true to his word- that perfect love casts out fear. He is the clear and precise definition of perfect love. I will hold on to Him and his words to not fear or be not afraid. So this week I encourage you to block out your fears and hold on to Christ.

People sometimes

I don't understand people sometimes. How the words that they choose roll out of their mouths so carelessly and to them are perfectly fine- but to me- are so wrong. What happened to think before you speak? Clearly we have lost touch with this virtue.

Just because you the sayer aren't offended by it, doesn't mean the hearer won't be.

Such as people's over-reaction to telling us when to have kids. I'm 100% sure that Kevin and I will be the ones paying for them- so I am really confused as to why some people have to be blatantly rude about telling us about when we should have kids.

I do respect the advice we have been given about enjoying our marriage- and we are. I just don't appreciate people telling me when we should or what we should do before.

Every situation is different. Outsiders don't know our entire family dynamics as to why or when we want to try to have kids. Personally- it should be of no concern to anyone buy my husband and myself.

"You are going to miss out on so much". Let me preface this with- both of us have college degrees, are advanced professionals, and and in careers not jobs. We are starting out much higher than most of the people getting married our age. We do have a lot going for us by ways of God's blessings. And we are very grateful. If you have never read this before, you might not know our story. But our story is so different than anyone else's. We waited a long time to find each other and we moved quick.

I guess I have just been frustrated by the CONSTANT reminder I have been given by people- to wait to have kids. I feel like it is only our business, not the world's.

When we feel the time is right, we will try. Regardless of who tells us to wait or do whatever.

Love them like Jesus does

I haven't blogged in a really long time. I had to take a break from social media and regroup- because honestly- some people are just overwhelming and ridiculous.

I am sure I will make a lot of mini posts more than longer ones- because I have a lot rolling around in my head and heart that I need to get out. I guess I could use a journal- but some of it is more relevant for others to hear than for me to just keep it to myself.

My heart broke last night at VBS. The teacher asked the kids if they could share a really sad time in their life and the first kid to raise his hand said "My dad died in the Coast Guard". If that doesnt break your heart- then you are in need of some help.

I had tears well up in my eyes and I know a few of the other ladies did as well. Man I complain so much- and this kid- just broke me down.

I have been SO SICK OF PEOPLE lately. From the pointless and stupid posts- to the teenage love soap operas- and the freaking pictures in the gym- I just was ready to nut up on someone. I took a couple days of break- and it was so nice not to hear about things I could care less about. 

Our culture is now defined by the amount of pictures you can take and amount of hashtags you can use. (I have these accounts too- so I hear myself talking). People- WAKE UP. We are missing out. 

I dont dang care how many times a week you go to the gym- nor do I want to see pictures of that while you are at the gym. Just work out- geeze. We are missing so many opportunities. I'm sure people don't want to see pictures of my dogs either- so I see both sides. The point I am making is we are not using our time wisely.

I have been reminded the past few days how precious time with the Lord is- and how unimportant our selfish desires really are. Kevin and I read the Bible the other night together and it was such a blessing to just sit and listen to hear him read it and us talk about it. 

God has been trying to teach me the art of learning to keep my mouth shut. And I have- for the most part. I have stayed away from people- I have hidden people on my feeds- I have not given my opinion even when it burned inside of me to correct people's ignorance- but the one thing I have yet to do- is pray about it as much as I get mad about it. God has also been trying to teach me to love others like he does. 

My husband gave me a firm reminder last night about "making fun" of people. I thought I was just stating a "fact" and he said different. 

It is so hard to love people. I have written about that before- but God needs to apparently teach me again because I didnt get it the first time. People frustrate us- let us down- lie to us- overwhelm and neglect us. But the one thing we can do is love them like Jesus did. Just love them- even if you can't bring yourself to like them. Pray for them- pray for blessings for them. Be real- and nice to them- even when it hurts you or your pride.  

Funny- one of our VBS verses this week is "Encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing". (1 Thess 5:11)- God help me to set out to be "doing". 

I Won't Give Up

If you read that last post, know that this one goes along with it.

A few people who attended our wedding asked for our vows. I asked my husband and he said I could share them with you.

We decided to do an "untraditional" wedding- so there were a lot of things we left out- because we just didn't see the point of doing them.

We didn't do a unity candle, sand etc. We didn't say traditional vows. I didn't do a traditional white cake. No songs being sung during the wedding.

We did it how we wanted, and that is my best advice- do it the way you want- because you should be thinking this is your only shot to have it done the way you see your dreams play out.

With that, I give you our vows. These are our own, inspired by God, and taken directly from our pre- marital counseling sessions. I would encourage you to write your own, and not plagiarize.

I, Kevin, take thee Rachel, to be my wife. I promise to love you and honor you as Christ does the church. I promise to lead our family as head of our home. I promise to never take you for granted and to love you more each and every day than I did the last. I promise to always put you first in my life and to protect you with my life. Through good times and troubling times, in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer until we depart from the earth.

(Mine are a lot longer, but I had a lot to say! {surprise surprise})

I, Rachel, take you Kevin, to be my husband. I submit myself unto you to allow you to lead our family in the role God has ordained for you. I vow to respect you with my words- my actions- and my attitude when I am with you or apart from you. I promise to listen to you, encourage and pray for you. I will stand by you when we are faced with hardships and in moments of celebrations, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health. I won't give up on us. I commit myself to you and only you and promise to honor you with faithfulness, time, and love until our time on earth is complete. 

How the times change

Has it really been over a month- my gosh almost 2 months since I have written? :( I plan to try and keep up. I have time now and my thought process isn't consumed by planning a one day event.

People keep asking- "how is married life?". Um- it is awesome. For real. I never thought it would make me feel this way. Really crazy and really awesome at the same time. I am super thankful to be able to wake up to the one person who wants to spend the rest of his life with me. 

Let's talk about the wedding for a minute. I just need to say thank you again God for showing out with the weather. 

I had been praying about the weather since November- right after we got engaged. I texted my bridesmaids the week before the wedding in tears because terrible weather was headed our way. They all said it was going to be fine. I began to frantically panic about having the wedding in the church. Not that our church isn't beautiful- but that was not my dream wedding. Not what I saw play out in my mind. Also- not something I had budgeted money for! 

But through God's grace and some awesome praying friends- we had the most beautiful weather. It rained Friday and poured Sunday- but God heard the cry of my heart and provided for Saturday. It was a BEAUTIFUL DAY. 

People kept telling me- at the end of the day you will be the only one who notices what went wrong- and you will still be married. Maybe that is a coping mechanism for people who don't like to rock the boat or those who truly can accept things going bad. Not the case for me. 

I thought I planned for everything- but alas super bride failed! With signs, with ice cream, with presents, ...with a lot of other things... but in the end- we still had an amazing wedding and we still had an awesome reception. 

As I sit here and try to remember all the things that went wrong, I honestly have to laugh at how petty they are. Now- some were a big to-do, but involved people not things-but for the most part- everything still was fine. 

I still think it is crazy that we are ma--rrr--ieed. It just blows my mind when I sit and think about my life before Kevin. We are truly blessed and very grateful God set this divine appointment up for us. 

Planning a wedding was fun. I really did enjoy seeing my thoughts and plans come together. From the colors to the decorations to the food- it was really cool to experience making big decisions and then see them all- and how perfect each piece fit together. 

Now, my hope now is to invest as much time in my MARRIAGE as I did for the wedding- and let me just say that bad boy was well thought of. I was fortunate to be able to see past the wedding and realize the type of commitment I was making. I meant my vows when I said them- that I would listen to and pray for and encourage my husband. And that I am in this for life. 

So- check back again soon and see what lessons God is teaching me through marriage. 

40 day mark

We are 40 days away from the big show. From my last name changing. From all this effort being played out. From becoming a little family. 

Where has the time gone? Seems like just yesterday Kevin and I were on our first date. Little did I know that was just the beginning of the rest of our lives. 

We are in premarital counseling with our preacher who is conducting the wedding. It has been interesting and sometimes frustrating to hear what the other one has to say. We both have learned a lot and make references to those sessions a lot. We had to take a long test online to determine a lot of things- and we scored 100 on a lot of them. Apparently this doesn't happen a lot. We know we have a special relationship that is very different from most of the people getting married these days.

We also had to list our stress level from wedding planning. At the time- I was pretty ok- and my scores reflected a 10 stress level. Kevin's was a 20. In our session Saturday he asked me if I lied on the test because apparently that is not the case now. He said the bulk of his stress comes from me stressing him out about the things I am stressed about. Seems to have gotten a lot more intense since we took that test. 

I don't really think I am stressed so much about the wedding part- I am stressed about the things I can't control. Parking. Weather. Guest list. Those would be the three things I just wish would fall into place. 

Everyone keeps asking me are you getting excited? And I am excited about marrying the love of my life- I just am not at that pure excitement stage. That stage where you get to the point where you don't care anymore about the details and just focus on why you are getting married. People keep saying that at the end of the day we will be married and that is all that matters. I understand that- but that is not anything remotely close to how I see the day playing out. 

I have already planned to expect everything to not go as planned- but I just want to have a special day where everyone gets along, the weather is nice, and the party is worth remembering. 

I have completed a lot of tasks- we have had vendors booked since a week after getting engaged. I have made all of the major decorations but one last thing- hopefully we get that done this week. All my maids have dresses and shoes. The groomsmen's suits will be in soon. My dress ships this week. The table runners are almost done. Showers start this week. Honeymoon got booked last week. I ordered Kevin's wedding band Friday. My fitness routine has picked up. We are making purchases together for our home. 

Life is happening all around us. Sometimes I think this isn't real and my world is just going to stop all of a sudden. I know it isnt going to, but I still have that thought in the back of my head. 

We are getting ready to enter into one of the most sacred covenants and I want our hearts to be in the right place. Not in the ribbon and lights- not in the vanilla cupcakes vs chocolate cupcakes- not even in honeymoon part. I want our hearts to be reflective of Christ and his great love for us. How we can fill those roles and responsibilities to honor God and the one that he has called us to spend the rest of our lives with. How we can choose to build up our other half and encourage them to walk closer with the Lord. 

So, if you are reading this, pray for these last days leading up to the changing of our lives. Pray for peace, direction, stress reduction, and just safety and health over our families and friends.

The everyday leading to more

Last night while literally only having my nose above the bubbles- I came to some conclusions about life. 

I went to that tub to try and see if I could just get away- but the funny thing is- that is where I have the most enlightenments. I just let the jets run and run and- then before I knew it- there was a mile high mountain of bubbles around me. 

Things I thought about while in there: (besides that it was too hot and lacking air flow)

You need a shovel for life. A shovel to dig out the things that don't need to be there. A shovel to get rid of all the crap you may have been dealing with. My history teacher, Dr. George (Dr. G) at JHA would always get his imaginary shovel out when we would start complaining about tests and quizzes. Our class must have had him wrapped around our deceitful fingers- because we postponed everything- even the final exams. He knew we were full of crap- and would just shovel the air away. Quite comical at the time- but so relevant to my life right now. 

People who really don't have your best interest at heart are like a bubble bath. Nice and pretty- then gone. You can blow them away and they don't return. But if you really think about it, they really don't provide anything but a moment. No safety- no cushioning- just a round circle of liquid. Use your shovel to help get rid of some of these people in your life. Though bubbles are nice at the time they are surrounding you- but don't you want to surround yourself with things/people that last?

Lotion smooths out the rough places on your ashy body. Maybe you aren't ashy- but you could be. In life we need to be reminded to put this on when we say or do things that cause a little tension or roughness between others. This week just hasn't been my week. I have snapped on 2 students and one coworker and just really wasn't my nicest self to my director. Kevin has caught a lot of attitude too. And I have not been the nicest to my parents either. To really think about it- I haven't been pleasant at all this week.  I could blame that on a lot of things- but the truth is- it's just me. Nothing else. Sometimes you have to apologize and admit your faults. It is really hard to do, but better for you in the end. 

Doors may be open to new opportunities, but windows give the soul rest.  Windows allow you to see things from a different perspective- and if you want something to change- then you walk through the door. The window is the spark to get the door to open. My office has no windows- so it really stinks being in a complete glass building with no point of view but asylum gray and blue walls. Remind yourself to look out the windows more often. Open the blinds and let the light shine in. 

After almost melting away and fainting from the too-thought-provoking-bubble bath- I stumbled to the couch to be reminded not everyone has a nice landing place when they mess up. 

I know where I can go and I know who I can talk to when the lemons of life get pelted my way.  Sometimes it doesn't feel like lemons- more like grenades- but none the less- I know where to find my comfort. With my hands up and tear filled eyes- I turn to the most Holy. I know a lot of people don't have this safety net or comforting place to rest in, and it burdens my soul to know that they don't experience the peace I do when all of life's frustrations are too much. 

I struggle all to often to be- and sometimes- I have to be reminded that life is hard- you will mess up- you can't give in. So even though this might seem like the strangest post- I know that in order to be made better, I have to be broken down. I also know that in my weakness, Christ's strength is made perfect. 

Get down your shovels, open your windows, and put on your lotion. We have work to do.