The Pope Life....as of late

Well. My sweet husband turned 30 20 days ago. I am horrible at keeping up with our lives- so here is a brief update.

He turned 30 and we had a big ol party to celebrate him and his awesomeness. College friends and Sunday School friends- some family, and both sets of parents- joined us for a day on the lake. I would show you some pictures- but I was playing hostess with the mostest and didnt have a chance to sit down let alone snap some pics.

I do, however, have a shot of his awesome cake that Milly (my awesome mother in law, M.I.L., Milly? you get it?) made for Kevin. She MADE those guns. Freestyle. Because she rocks.

This was definitely the highlight of the party- until I had Kevin open a gift before we cut the cake. We gave our friends a little surprise (at least we hope it was) and told them we weren't saying anything else about it until later. That- was then the highlight of the party.

Come the next week, we had people my poor husband didnt even know come up and tell us our "secret" news- and apparently we were the talk of the town before Kevin's party.....

...So.. we made the decision to post it on social media (even after we told our friends at the party we weren't for a while) since so many people knew and were asking our families..which isnt cool. And I give you:

The most-awesome baby announcement! 

That's Right! Come December SWAT will have a whole new meaning in the Pope House! These are my hott husband's flight suits for his SWAT team. We decided to go all out for Lil P baby. The American flag just adds to the awesomeness.  The onesie is what I gave Kevin at his party. In case you cant read it, it says "My daddy can arrest your daddy".

We got an overwhelming response of love for us and this baby- and it truly melted my heart to know that many people were excited for us. 

So- we have been doing really well so far. I have had some serious stomach aches, some sensitive teeth- and some serious need to sleep when I get any and every chance. Other than that- its great!

This week (5/20/14) was the big 12 weeks. I have been super worried and just nervous- because I dont care what any mom, book, or internet site says- it is still overwhelming and a lot to take in when a human is growing inside of you. My husband has been super lately and is the most excited about this little blessing. He has been subjected to rubbing my belly, like someone rubbing a lamp for a genie, and has only had to go on one ice cream run. He has also had to deal with my lack of energy to do the laundry...slowly Im coming back around. He wont have to go naked out on the town. 

Our second sonogram was on our 12 week appointment- but before we went, my perfect match, my heart, and my soul mate, Kevin, sent me these to work. Man- he knows how to make me chill out and just be thankful. I am the luckiest girl on the planet to be married to this thoughtful man. 

Our appointment went well and Dr. said Lil P baby is looking good. We go back in 4 weeks for another visit, but wont get another sonogram until 20 weeks. EEKS. That is a long time! But in the meantime- I leave you this sweet- most precious- and exciting blessing to tide you over until the next post. 

Lil P Baby- or Razz as we like to call it, is kicking up a storm! To see that little butt go in the air and those feet just kicking- is truly the most awe-inspiring sight I have ever seen. The baby was really far back- so the sonographer had to dig in my belly to get a good shot. Razz didnt like this and rolled over. I cant even put in to words what that was like to see on a screen! It was absolutely crazy and cool at the same time!

To celebrate a good report, we had Milly and Papa Pope over for dinner (my parents were packing for vacation) and Big Daddy Kevin made homemade ice cream. In case you didnt know, my husband is a master ice cream maker- and he is the one who registered for our awesome churn!

That is our life as of late. Stay tuned, more to come. Summer is about to be in full force- and I am excited about having half of Fridays off! 

This aint Nintendo

Yesterday was a pretty rough day for me. As you may have read (if you didn't- here it is). Not only were my feelings and my pride hurt, I cried a lot. At work. I didn't even cry at home when I was originally upset Wednesday night about it- but cried really bad in a dear friend's office. 

So as I quietly lost control over my emotions yesterday about my blog not being as life changing as someone else's who got 50K views in 2 weeks of its inception- and I have to BEG people to comment about mine so I can give them free stuff- just to reach 11,000.. I proceeded to tell my coworker why I was upset- I told her that we as humans try to downgrade other's stages of their lives by saying "just wait til.. you are married..you have kids...til you are an adult..til the newlywed stage is over. Til you hit this age. On and On and on. What we are doing is taking away joy and cheating people out of happiness and living their life in their current place. We are saying that you have to get to the next level to have success or find your purpose.  This ain't Nintendo. This is real life- and I DON'T have to get anywhere but at the feet of Jesus.

I told my friend that I didn't need to get married to have my identity validated. I don't have to wait until I have kids to realize my purpose. I don't have to do X, Y, or Z to be successful. I don't have to one-up anybody- because it doesn't matter. Christ is where my identity is found- and all this other stuff is just extra. I said these words even as my other friend was texting them to me. She said "Your worth doesn't come from your blog- Your worth comes from Jesus, the Son of God!" 

I was also reminded that in the grand scheme of things- it is ok if I am not as cool/ popular/awesome as anyone else- because Jesus should be enough.

I seem to give myself great advice when I am in the middle of a letdown- and God seems to provide His Truth in times of need- I just choose to not listen to either sometimes.  

My husband went out of his way to send me verses that told me truth of comparing myself to others. There were 29 verses- but one stood out most. "Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ" Galatians 1:10

Straight to the heart- because I'm so vain. Not. About. Numbers. Rachel. God sees the heart. 

Late that night, Another sweet friend texted me some really uplifting words before I went to sleep. I needed to be reminded that "It is nice to be important, but it is more important to be nice". 

Sometimes we have a bad crappy no good day. Sometimes- in the midst of our shadows, the light of Christ comes to us from someone/somewhere we didn't expect- because someone chose Jesus as the answer. I just needed my true friends to remind me of grace- and that who cares what the world says or does. 

 Thanks for reading. Even if the numbers never change, I will know that I can take my own advice when I need it again. 

It just takes one

Just one bad thing to ruin your day. Whether that be your hair not cooperating- your closet not bearing anything worthy of being worn- or the sight of someone you don't want to see- it only takes one.

As a girl- I can say we have a lot more "one" days than guys. Makeup, shoes, the whole getting ready process- the shopping process- you get my drift. My husband is making his own gun and when his drill bit became consumed in whatever he was drilling- he was mad but he didn't dwell on it. When he broke something of some kind of ring for the gun- he got upset- but didn't stay there. 

Not me. I am not like that- but I wish I was. That one thing then turns into a million for me and I just let it eat me up. The whole day is a waste. Why do we get so frustrated? Well, maybe you  don't- but I sure do. 

A long time ago someone (jokingly) said Hezekiah 4:7 says "Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape". A good virtue- but not an easy task. 

"I can't win for losing" "If I didn't have bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all" "Everything and everyone is out to get me" "Could this day get any worse"- I have said these words to myself many many times. Over pointless things. (well at the time they do not seem pointless, but when I tell someone else, that's when I realize how worked up I have gotten over something small).

I was really frustrated today about something that was out of my control- but created a  REALLY awkward position for me to be in. Social media I swear is going to be the death of me. Get in trouble for this. Get in trouble for that. Don't you dare make a comment here- and don't you dare have a picture here- or there. Grief. 

Today on my way home to lunch I was reminded of how much God blesses me. I heard this song from Dave Barnes- I had never heard it before- and I just had to stop. Stop and really think about where I am and why I am frustrated.

After I got home, I reminded myself of the words my husband (he is so much calmer and discerning than me) told me earlier- and I just paused and thanked God for the blessings. Kevin said "Look at your left hand". Hmmm. That is enough for today. "Do my best to change what I can- I've got more than I ever thought I would". 

I hope you too on this Monday find the "good" in your life. It only takes one good thing to far outweigh that one bad thing. Listen to this song when you are down- and know that God is still in the business of blessing and I am praying for you. 

-Rachel 

A Day Late and a Dollar Short

If you know me- you know I am pretty much late to everything. EVERYTHING. I am sure my casket is going to get lost in travel and I will be late to my own funeral.

With that being said, I thought I would do a (late) year in review to sort of put things in perspective of how my life has changed. Sit back- oh- and expect more consistent posts all this month. I have been welling over with things to write about- so get ready.


January 2012
 January 4th- my world as I knew it got rocked to the core and I started the process of being single again.

January 12- My sweet dog, Winnie, my little dotted dachshund, passed away.

Needless to say- this was one of the worst months of my life. Just a lot of emotion and things I didnt ask for happened. I lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time.

February- I went to a Women's Conference with some friends and really tried to listen to what God was trying to teach me through this madness.

We celebrated White Cosby's 68th Birthday!

March- I went on a GET AWAY cruise to the Bahamas and had a great time with my friend Miranda!

April- This was a confusing month for me. Just a lot of emotions in an uncertain time. Wanting to do God's will- but also not giving up my own either.  I took NASTY fall hiking in a State Park. 8 months later I am still trying to treat this awful scar! My deddy was 4 years cancer free this month too. Praise the Lord!

May- My mom had a birthday. I have come to realize another birthday for anyone is a blessing.

June- A trip to the beach to visit my friend Alicea. 2 Yankees games. Being 10 feet away from Derek Jeter. An interview at The University of Alabama. A decision that I was going to be ok, regardless of what my situation was. A "yes" to a lunch date with an old friend. The month my life turned around. The start of the best love story ever.

July- A new move to a new townhouse. A July 4th on the lake all day. A few days in Helen GA with some of my closest friends and their kids. The realization that this guy was head over heels for me- and it was ok for me to be happy.

August-  Kevin got a promotion the latter part of July and his new rank started August 1st. Back to school for the college kiddies- yay for interaction again!The best birthday ever spent at the beach with my amazing dream come true of a boyfriend and my girls Elizabeth and Alicea. Kevin made turning 28 a breeze.

September- I don't remember anything big happening here- but I am sure there is something worth noting.

October- My first GA Southern Game- and most assuredly not the last.

November- November 16th- The man of my dreams asked me to spend the rest of my life with him. The next day I met all of his college buddies at my second GSU game- in Athens. A wonderful Thanksgiving with lots to be thankful for this year.

December- A lot of off days allowed for lots of planning for a big wedding coming in April of 2013. Some fun memories with my now Fiance (I am clearly not cool enough to know how to had the ' over the e, sorry. 4 Christmases in one day. Sounds like a movie or something. Started the new year with my sweet boy.

So- never in a million times a trillion years would I have thought I would be in the position I am in now. To go through a breakup- that I am still trying to figure out why it broke me so bad- to meeting the MAN of my dreams- to getting engaged and being under 100 days away from a wedding- is nearly impossible for me to wrap my human mind around. Thankfully- the Lord says   “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matt 19:26

In the past 6 months that Kevin and I have been together- we have learned much and are confident we will learn much more in the coming days. We have officially joined our new church- and we are so glad the search for that is OVER. God has us where he wants us- and we have already hit the ground running. Kevin gets to relive some of his high school glory by playing the drums- but this time for a much higher purpose. He is in the Praise band in our contemporary service. He loves it- and don't tell him this- but I know without a shadow of doubt in my mind- that God is taking great delight in his servant for answering the calling that was placed on his heart. I can see a little glimmer of excitement on his face every time he plays.

I have gotten involved in the Young Women's ministry and I can see that this group really does missions and really likes them. Yay! My heart is happy to be in a place where people WANT to work for the Lord- not just talk about it.

We have made new friends in our Sunday School class- yes we got what we asked for. A church with good music- Sunday school- and ministries.

We are so excited to start 2013 in our new church family. It has been a long time coming- but I know God had to work out the details before we could find a place to call home. So, here's to 2013- May the odds be ever in our favor.

The proposal

Now this is the story all about how-
How My life got changed, filled with  hope-
And I'd like to take a minute - just sit right downI'll tell you how I became the fiance of Kevin Pope

I hope you read that while hearing the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song. I have been letting the engagement sink in and I finally have some time to write about how it happened. Hope you enjoy the story- because it is a good one!

Friday- November 16

I had left work early because I had worked late Thursday night. I went to Kevin's house when I got off from work. We hung out and talked and he said he had to go to Atlanta a lot this next week and maybe he could swing by Solomon Brothers and order my ring.
I made a sarcastic comment- "it is less than 7 weeks til Christmas you know." (knowing that he had told me it would take at least 6 weeks to make the ring and have it shipped back to GA) He replied "Oh my gosh- are you serious?! Well, maybe I can get it rushed through." And my reply "It's fine- I'm never getting a ring." He said in the sweetest voice "Oh yes you will, just not right now because the ring you picked out cost a lot of money and I have to save up more for it."
So I left it at that and set in my mind that it was going to happen on New Year's Eve because he had asked me multiple times- do you want to get engaged this year or next- and I just KNEW he was going to get down on one knee at 11:59 December 31.

Later on his mom called him and said she had seen my mom at Walmart and they wanted to know if we wanted to go to dinner with them. (I was pining for some Lieu's peking anyway on my own- so when Mrs. Helen said that's where they were going- I was totally on board!) We said we would meet them there at 7.

No big- our parents had met before- but they had never had dinner all together. My mom missed out on a few previous dinners. So  really didnt think anything of it- but I was incredibly excited about chinese food!

Mrs. Helen called again to make sure it was ok with me- I guess part of the plan- and I think to tell Kevin to make sure he didnt dress up too much or something about my mom having clothes- I dont really know.

We left the house and headed to Lieu's. We took Kevin's truck- which is really weird and I don't remember why- but I asked him if he remembered our date to Aubri Lane's when he asked me to sit in the middle and I said that was one of the best dates I had ever had. He told me to sit in the middle again this night and I did.

We get to Lieu's- late of course- and where are our parents seated? RIGHT SMACK DAB IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PLACE!! Seriously- the middle table where everyone in the entire place can see you from any other table. We sit down- order our food and set out to overindulge on some various chicken plates.

By the end, I am so full and miserable because I for some reason ate EVERYTHING. Bob, the owner, brings out a pretty dyed onion he had carved- and I am guessing he did this because he was so nervous about bringing out the fortune cookies he was trying to calm down. The fortune cookies come out a few minutes later (Kevin said he was having to give him signals all night about the timing). I grabbed up a few and tossed them around the table.

Kevin is to my left and my deddy is to my right, then my mom, his mom, and his dad. I shuffle 2 cookies in my hand like I always do and I asked Kevin- which one do you want? (Now I did notice that Lieu's had gotten new cookies, the bags were different {yes, we eat there that much}, but I didnt think anything of it.)

He picked the one in my right hand and I tear mine open. Now, I dont know if you play this game- but my family always plays read your fortune and add "in the bed" after it to make it funnier. Well, I didnt really want Kevin's parents to hear me say that- so I just read my fortune outloud to Kevin. "The man next to you has a very important question to ask."

Pause story

I immediately think to myself "well, that is not very exciting of a fortune, but when I add "in the bed" maybe it will be funnier.

So, as I am processing the above statement, I turn to Kevin to say "in the bed" and lo and behold he is getting down on one knee. At this point I lost it. And immediately thought "OHMYGOSH This is a REAL fortune!" My hands are over my wide open mouth and I feel like I am in another place and he said "You know I tell you I love you every day and that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Will you marry me?"

Picture Quasimodo. Now make him cry. That is what kind of face I have at this point. My mouth is wide open and Im bawling. I just hug the life out of Kevin because I am still in shock. He didn't get a yes when he asked, just some extremely tight hug and the breath knocked out of him. He asks me, well is that a yes- do you want me to put the ring on your finger?

And i said "yes! yes yes yes!- but way more cry-tone involved. He slid the most beautiful ring on the planet on my finger and stood up and got me up to hug me again.

At this point, everyone in the restaurant is clapping for us. The crazy thing is that we knew about 10 people in there having dinner. It was really special for that many people to share our excitement with us. All I can do is cry and hug Kevin. I didnt want to let go.

My parents are technologicaly challenged, so my mom with her fancy iphone she has had for 2 months- couldnt figure out how to take pictures. So in the middle of my exciting time- I had to show her and I eventually just gave it to Kevin to deal with. Everyone wanted to see my ring, so I gladly went and showed it off.

I know both my parents teared up and were smiling from ear to ear when it was happening. Bob brought us out more food for the celebration and said he had never been so nervous in his life. He had never had to do a proposal before. Kevin's mom had delivered the special fortune cookies- which Kevin had ordered 20- to make sure he had his bases covered because he knew I would switch them up! So, all of us got the same fortune, I really dont even think our parents opened theres. Smart guy he is. He also made sure Bob knew to bring out those cookies- because the regular ones would obviously ruin the plan.

We celebrated a little longer and took lots of pics. We missed out on taking pictures with our parents, I guess we were just too excited. I hugged my parents and they have never been so excited. I hugged Kevin's parents and his mom said "well- you didn't ask for my permission. And I am thinking..what the heck are you talking about woman? And I said "Can I be your daughter in law?" and she said something- I dont remember- so I guess that meant I got it wrong and I said "Can I please marry your son?" and she said yes- then proceeded to hug me and said in a stern voice that only I heard "Don't hurt my baby".

I have to laugh- but I'm pretty sure she meant business. I won't hurt your baby- I love him too much to hurt him!!

It was the best thought out and well planned engagement. Kevin is a sweetheart. Lieu's Peking is where the story all started, where Kevin and I had our first date, so it will forever hold a special place in our hearts.

Here are some pics from that night- start left- then go down- then the right side is the completion.

We are over the moon excited and can't wait to get married in April! Thanks for reading our story- This will be the best Thanksgiving ever- because my heart is full and my ring finger is SHINING!

Regrets and Roots

It's been a long time- I shouldnt have left you without a dope beat to step to..

If you know that song- then you are old :) But it has been a while- so much has been going on- and the lazy bug struck me again, so here goes.

This past weekend I had the chance to take a trip down memory lane with Mr. Kevin Pope himself. We trekked off to Statesboro- his college town- his old stopmpin' grounds. Now, I had been to Statesboro a time or two in college- to visit friends on breaks that I had- but never really did anything besides the movies or dinner. This time- oh, I got the full Statesboro special.

Saturday we made our way to the tailgate for the Eagles- and I can tell you- it was way more relaxed and chill than an Athens tailgate- and a whole lot less stressed. I really liked how everyone tailgates in the same area- its not a bunch of loud people with solo cups. And the football team comes through the backside of the tailgate in their buses and everyone sets off their car alarms. Oh- and the band walks through the tailgate- which was pretty cool too. Eventually, after visiting a few tailgates of Kevin's friends, we made our way into the game. Here is where my regret started to set in.

I am pretty sure I missed out a great deal by not going to a school with football. The excitement of being a part of something way bigger than yourself really set in this weekend. I missed out on tailgating, screaming for my school and singing alma matas with my classmates. I really have no idea what it is like to feel like you are a part of the ____ nation.

This sparked a lot of other regrets that I thought about over the weekend.

I missed out on a real college experience because I didn't go away to a school. I missed out on learning what it is truly like to live on your own at an early age. I have never had to share a room- or a bathroom with anyone- even when I did move out. I have always had the luxury of having my parents around if something ever went wrong- like tearing my acl- or being sick my freshman year.

I don't know what its like to be in a class FULL of people. The most I ever had was maybe 45-50. I don't know what it is like to actually have to plan your schedule to be able to get to classes on different sides of campus.

I missed out on going to a school that people have actually heard of. I missed out on knowing what it is like to actually have to drive back to school and stay for a while. I do feel like I missed out on the fun and excitment that college is supposed to bring. I regret staying in Milledgeville all of the time- because I am still here. I regret just taking a chance and actually applying anywhere but Georgia College. I regret just actually taking a chance to leave.

I say all of this- because my college experience couldn't have been more different than my other half's. I went to a small school with no football team. I lived at home my first 2.5 years. I moved out my Jr year and still was in the same town, so nothing changed but some freedom. I had small classes. I didn't party. I would go out to dance- but I didn't drink until I turned 21- the 1st day of my Senior year. Even when I could drink legally- I didnt really do it because that just wasn't me. I didn't date anyone until my Senior year- like I think I went on maybe 3 dates in college.

My college experience was so different from that of a "typical college student"- but I have to remember that some things I wouldn't ever change.

I met an awesome core group of friends my freshman year- and to this day we still keep in touch. I spent my every waking minute either at the BSU (BCM now) or with my BSU friends. BSU was my life. I went on mission trips to Alabama, Texas, Washington DC, Atlanta- Marietta and Connecticut because of being at GCSU. I went to the beach every fall and every spring the mountains. Chattanooga is where I decided to change my major because of BSU. I was on BSU Council Freshman year- which was a 1st for our BSU. I stayed on Council til my Senior year. I was in and led Bible studies. I went home with friends for Spring Break to their parents homes and we talked about everything- and their parents loved me like I was one of their own.

I stayed up late with my BSU friends talking, singing, and laughing. My grades didn't slip because I partied, they slipped because I had too much of a social life. I have many stories that are only relevant to my friends and myself- that no one else would understand, but I wouldnt trade for anything- not even a school with football.

So as I sit here and feel as though I did miss out on my college experience, I can honestly say- it wouldn't have worked out the way it did if I went any other place. God knew what he was doing keeping me in Milledgeville. I have the best memories- and even still- some of the best friends from this lil ol' town.

I love ...Part Deux

I hope you came back to hear about the second part of the love story. Maybe it will be as cool as the first one. Maybe you thought the first one wasn't that great. Oh well, here goes...

So, that Saturday, after he woke up from his zombie shift, he called and asked if I wanted to hang out with him that night. This dude meant business. Never have I ever been on 2 back to back dates with the same guy in one weekend. Just who did he think he was? Obviously, Mr. Right. What did I have to lose? Ok, sure I will come hang out with you at your house- I clearly don't have any other social life going on to keep me from participating.

He gave me directions to his house and I set out on my "omgihavetolookprettybutnotlikeiamtrying" outfit. A cute bright top and bright blue shorts. All the while thinking I was going to be sick to my stomach because I was nervous. Nervous that was it ok for me to be doing this? This dating and hanging out thing? Was I ready? Had my broken heart really had time to heal or was I just going through the motions? No, I know my heart had healed. I had washed my hands of everything and moved on. Yes, this is ok Rachel- its just hanging out with some super hot guy, nothing but hanging out. I drove over- called him because his road wasn't showing up on my GPS- and he said "haha- you just passed it" as I drove by.

Embarrassing moment #1. So I finally turn around after I made sure that the redness was gone in my face. Such a cute house. A craftsman style house. Funny, because that is what I have had my heart on buying or building or making a house into if I had to remodel one I bought. House- check. We made small talk and he gave me a tour of the house. First stop- the shed.

Filled with oodles and oodles of man things- like tools and gardening stuff- and motorcycles- and lawn mowers and pressure washers. It reminded me of my deddy's shop. I asked him if he knew how to use any of the power tools and he said "yeah, I built this shed." Come again? He has tools and actually knows how to use them? Shed- check. Maybe he was a manly man- interesting.

The house tour picked back up inside. We toured the guest rooms, not much going on there at all- a bed a tv- guess thats what guys do for decor. Moving on..Is it just me or is this guy a neat freak? Everything had its own place- the bathroom was clean- the living room was clean- the kitchen was even cleaner. Then the Master Bedroom. Neatly organized. Then I saw it. In the bathroom. I think my heart skipped a beat. All neatly arranged on the counter top. A Sonicare. Is this real life God? (In case you don't know- teeth- a good looking grill- and all the pieces in tact and white are my #1 must have. I had settled for this with so many exes)- and here this guy was brushing with a Sonicare. Oh Good dental care- CHECK.

He asked me if I wanted something to drink. Into the kitchen we went. He opened the frige- and the radar was zoning in. A quick scan told me either he was still living like he was in college (broke and cheap) or that he was never home to eat. I picked the latter. Then- there it was. Like a spotlight came on- Organic. Fat. Free. Milk. I caught myself smirking in God's direction thinking, are you trying to play games with me? Don't do this to me.

Seriously- the night could have ended right there and I would have been as happy as could be. House. Tool Shed. Toothbrush. Organic Milk. I am pretty sure this guy was designed specifically for me- and I didn't even know I had asked for him.

We talked- and talked. For hours. And I literally mean hours. I kept thinking I was going to wake up from this dream- that some cute guy was 1) interested in me 2) talked as much as I did and 3) actually wanted to just sit around and talk about life- but it was REAL. Really real.

We went to Kroger to buy stuff for dinner. At this point I was freaking out because I didn't know if it was ok for people to see us together. And then I thought, what the heck- I don't care who sees us together- I want them to see us together. (keep in mind this is DATE 2 people) We did see people in there that I knew- 2 sets of married friends I have- and I had to introduce him and he took it like a champ. Talked it up and it was amazing. Who is this guy? I kept thinking candid camera was going to jump out and tell me this was all a joke. It never happened.

We got our salad and fruit (ps he is a healthy eater, be still my heart) and headed back to his house. From this point- I can't put into words for you the excitement, the happiness, and the all out perfection of how this night went. We continued to talk- and talk- and I am pretty sure I even cried at one point. He never got up or looked at me weird- we just had the most open, honest, and direct conversation I have ever had in my life. For hours on end. It lasted until extremeeeeelllllyyyyy late in the morning, you would be better off to say the next day. I finally looked at the clock and felt like Cinderella- I needed to get my booty out of there ASAP. Who does this on the second date Rachel!?

So, hurredly I left- kicking myself because of what time it was- and the whole time home- thinking- that was the best night I have ever had in my life. You know why? Because I am good at one thing- and one thing only- talking. And this guy kept up with me- even had me silent at some points. Huh?

So- to make a long story even longer, we both went to our respected churches, and texted that afternoon. My friends took me to lunch and made a direct point to call me out on why I was so happy and acting weird. They noticed. I tried to hide it- but I wound up keeping them in a parking lot for an hour just gushing about this guy- that they knew- and called him Abercrombie.

I went to another married friend's house and clearly they saw it too. So I had to tell the story again. I didnt mind. Then he texted and asked if I wanted to meet his parents that night. Um, its Day 3? And all the while my friends said I had to go. So, into their bathroom I went and tried to look presentable with the help of her makeup and his advice! What did I have to lose? All in Rachel.

So, I later met his parents that night. No awkwardness. The whole time he was right beside me and really wanted to be next to me. He wanted to show me off. Weird, never been in that situation before...

There you have it. That is how it started in a nutshell. That Sunday after dinner we hung out after leaving his parents- and Monday he asked me to be his girlfriend. On the floor in the office area of his house.

I can't make this stuff up people. I hope you smiled when you read it. I smile everyday when I think about how BAT CRAP CRAZY it is. God had his hand on my relationship with Kevin Pope since a knee surgery day in 2005. It just keeps getting better. Tune in next week for something not so lovey-dovey.

How it came to be- Part 1

Maybe I am writing this down so I don't forget it. Maybe it is for those of you who really want to know. Maybe, just maybe, it's a story worth telling.

Seven years ago, December 15, 2005 I was prepped and ready to have my ACL reconstruction surgery at ORMC. Going to the hospital with no makeup and some sweats in the early morning hours to get this thing over with. Hugely nervous and terrified out of my Senior college student mind, I get in the waiting lobby with my parents. Little did I know some adrenaline seeking college kid who grew up in Milledgeville and went to school at Georgia Southern would re-tear his ACL and have surgery scheduled the same day as me. Literally 15 minutes before me. So- we talked and our parents met and both of us were in knee braces by that afternoon. The crazy part is- the guy got to go home and I had to spend the night in misery. Because the pain was so bad and my morphine pump got blocked. Oh- and I dont eat spice cake anymore because once I did get some pain meds, they brought me dinner and spice cake doesn't taste as good coming up as it does going down.He also got to start rehab the next day- I was on crutches for 6 weeks. 

Ever so often from this day I would get a random Facebook message asking about my knee and how I was doing. He was almost back to 100% within 2 months- um- we can for sure say that I am about 70% 7 years later. Small talk went on for a while..nothing major.

Somewhere along the last 3 years- I deleted the guy I shared a knee surgery day from my Facebook. I went through a REALLY large purge and cleaned house. Sadly, his didnt make the cut. I saw him randomly last August in Savannah- at a Governor's Office of Highway Safety meeting- the most random conference ever to see him at- in an elevator. We made small talk- of course it was about our knees- and that was it.

It would be wrong of me to lie and say I didn't really take notice of seeing him at this conference. Truthfully- I was wishing I didnt have a boyfriend so I couldve at least given him a "ohmygosh you lookamazing" hug- you know those close deep hugs you try linger a little longer with?

Fast forward to June 2012. My life was in the middle of (what I was hoping for) some changes. I had just interviewed with Alabama. I had just decided I was D-O-N-E with letting my ex play with my emotions. I had put in offers on 2 separate houses. I had started to gain weight back because I was normal eating again. I was going to make it alone and I was beyond excited about that.

So, I get a random Facebook friend request from the knee surgery guy with a message saying-  I know we were already Facebook friends,  not sure what happened (I do, oopssie, my bad). I see you work at the college, how is that and how is that knee holding up?

Out of no where but in the middle of everything, in the most awkward and perfect timing. Here is this guy- who I have thought is SUPER attractive the entire time I have known him- even when he was playing soccer in highschool. (He didn't know me- but I knew him because I dated a guy from his school and went to their Prom). Even when we were sleepy at 6 am on surgery day. Especially when I got caught in an elevator with him. I replied back with a Kevin! like an ohmygoshhowintheworldareyou Kevin, but I was hoping he didn't pick up on that- or that I had defriended him :(

Our messages back and forth touched on life. I asked about where he was stationed, because duh, I knew he had went to Trooper school, but didn't know where he was based out of, and life at the college in the summer time. Thrilling I dare say. BUT- then I snuck something in there after asking about where he worked, and to this day I am not sure how I pulled this off after deciding to give up on guys. I said "Where are you based?- because if you are near Milly- we should hang out."

Did I really just say that to him??- after declaring to the world, mainly my momma that I was done with guys and never wanted to ever go on another date for as long as I lived? WHAT THE HECK?!

In his reply, he said he lived in Milledgeville, bought a house and "We should defininetly (his spelling) get together sometime and hang out, I would like that!"

Rachel, what are you doing?! So we messaged back and forth a couple of more times about me being so frustrated with my life about trying to buy a house, his commute, my soon to be move to Wilkinson County (since I hadn't found anywhere to live), and why he moved back to Milly from the ATL. Oh..and tried to make plans to meet up for lunch on a Friday.

Then he asked for my number- with some excuse that it would make it easier to communicate and he was on his way to work and shouldn't be facebooking. And I gave it to him.

We texted and I want to say talked some that night, but I dont remember. I know he was at work from 9-5am- and he texted me when he got home. And I was secretly glad he texted me at 530 in the morning.

Then- it was go time. Within 24 hours this guy had messaged me, got my number, and had a lunch date with me. Ok- stand your ground much? Hard to get. Nope, easy to give I guess. He even let me pick where we were having lunch. Lieu's Peking, my all time favorite place in Milly.

I met him there- in my best Orientation work outfit I could pull off- note lots of sweaty makeup and frizzy hair- and couldnt help but be super nervous. I hadn't been on a date in over 3 years (from dating people for long periods of time). I was completely wanting to freak out- but for some strage reason, I didnt. Lunch couldnt have been any better. I talked- he talked- he talked so much that I ate all of my food and he didnt eat any of his- and we sat there for 2 and half hours. With never a dull moment- never awkward silence- never me leaving to go check my face- I did pull the mirror one time to check my teeth. It was the best date I had ever been on.

When we left- I gave him a hug, and then when back in for another one- and he GIVES THE BEST HUGS. I could have stayed there all afternoon and talked to him. It was the craziest thing ever. It was like we had known each other for years- and like our exes were the same people just a different gender. Later that night- we texted and talked and talked. It was the start of something amazing. Tune in tomorrow for part 2.

Life as of Late

A simple Tuesday post. I promise to keep it short. Well, maybe a little long but not nearly as long as they normally are!

It is crazy to think how fast time flies and how quick changes come. To sit back and look at my shamble of a life 8ish months ago really perplexes me. God has brought me so far. I coined a phrase today- that didnt come out like I wanted it to- but it stuck- so now, I will share it with you. "Sometimes you have to go through the crap to get to the cupcake". Thank goodness I didnt say eat a lot of crap... but if you really break it down- sometimes you might have to eat your words- or better yet be left with only those words that you left to ring in someone's ear and prick at their heart when they think of you. And sometimes- you have to wallow in a bunch of straight up crap and smell like a pig- to be able to one day close your eyes with the biggest icing lined smile- and say all of that was so worth this.

As I was having a weekly talk with one of my very best friends- she reminded me of how far I have come. So. Far. From a helpless wasting away miserable thing just taking up space- to a smiling beaming and happy friend again. The thing that has most changed? My perspective. I see the world through a brand new set of eyes (I really wish I could do this without contacts!).

I want to share some really cool verses with you that I hope touch your heart like they did mine. My other half had some BIG lifechanging interviews the past week and yesterday and I can tell you that they were bathed in prayer-and there were a lot of nerves surrounding them. Yesterday- I truly trusted that God was in control and that if he wanted this for Kevin, then it would happen. The moment I saw Kevin I shared this verse I found: "Surely the righteous will never be shaken; they will be remembered forever. They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord. Shouldnt be scared of it. Trusting in the Lord. Only when you truly find yourself saying "Ok- God really does have it" is when you experience true trust.


Later that evening (last night) as we were about to head to dinner, the phone rang and I heard every word. I just want to congratulate you on your Promotion to Corporal...

If you couldve seen the excitement in both of our eyes, you wouldve thought we had just won a free trip or something. When doubt fills our mind- that is when we fail. When we hold fast to the notion that God does want good things for us- and in HIS due time will the come to be- we get to experience blessings.

This is a huge change for Kevin. Something he has prayed long and hard about- since before I came into the picture. This is part of his goals. It is so exciting to share in someone's happiness and experience God's blessings for them. God reminded me of Malachi 3:10- about pouring out so many blessings that they couldnt be contained. Verily Verily unto you today I say- that the storehouse has been opened and blessings are over flowing!

Remember these things: Those desires to succeed are not man made, but Creator made. You will have to work hard- but rest assured that you will be blessed if you trust the Lord. Not yourself. not money. Not wealth, fame, or your last name. Trust God. and he will bring it about-In His's time.

Late night heavy heart

 I know I said I would post about my family vacation yesterday, but I am lazy and this topic will not let me rest until I get it out of my head and off of my chest and in to written form. 


My facebook status says "In light of recent events and news headlines from today, one thing I can't help but think: You can have all this world, but give me Jesus." This is an ah-mazing song by Jeremy Camp that I find true joy in singing. At the top of my lungs. When I really sit and think about all the evil that has manifested itself in our society and how things have gone really wrong- I find that all I want to do is cling to Jesus. The things of this world will soon pass away- yet what are we left with? I know that I will be left with Christ. A sinless Savior who saw all of this crap from a throne on high- and chose to come down here and get rid of all the wrong in me so that I could experience true life and live for a purpose. The headlines just keep coming with more and more things that makes my heart uneasy. This is not going to be a political post. It isnt my "viewpoint" or things I support that I am afraid of saying - because I know what I believe and why I believe it- and it has nothing to do with a "party". I am not the best at politics because I honestly don't watch enough tv to know what the heck is going on. This post is SO much more than that. I hope the way I write it makes sense. I am not trying to offend you, if you read this and it strikes a cord in your thoughts- then it has served its purpose to engage your thinking past what is presented to you in the media and the world around you.


 My heart breaks for where this country is today. We are so caught up in all the wrong things as a society that we forfeit the things that matter- the ones that really have bearing and lasting impressions- to hold on to things that are not going anywhere. 


There has got to be something more, Sugarland brought that line to us. There honestly has to. Oh I wish our country could have this merky veil lifted from its eyes to see that all of this is not it. All of these things are nothing happy- They bring hurt and anger and a whole slew of other emotions.


I can tell you what it is though: It is Christ. It is Jesus. If you hold to the notion that more of Jesus is the last thing this country needs- oh I am positive that you are more in the wrong that you could ever be in the right. I honestly cant put in to words what I am feeling right now. I have so so much to say- but the words wont form. I stood at my sink in the bathroom for over an hour just thinking about how my heart hurts for the lost and the confused- and the wronged and the broken- and the inconsiderate and evil- and the ones who make it a point to be the center of attention at all the wrong times- and for those who have said hateful words or made it a point to discontinue friendships and ties with people- and for those who just dont know the truth. These are a few of the thoughts that keep playing in my mind:


As it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgement (KJV) Just as people are destined to die once, and after that to face judgement (NIV) Hebrews 9:27 One life. One death. It really is YOLO- and that is biblical, maybe with a ghetto tweak, but read that verse again and know that this is it. You only get one life.  And then you will face your Creator- whether you believe in him or not- and be judged for the life you have lived. Praise God that he is the judge and we are not- because we don't know the true essence of grace (getting what you dont deserve)


^{1 Kings 8:46-51} “When they sin against you—for there is no one who does not sin —and you become angry with them and give them over to their enemies, who take them captive to their own lands, far away or near; ⁴⁷ and if they have a change of heart in the land where they are held captive, and repent and plead with you in the land of their captors and say, ‘We have sinned, we have done wrong, we have acted wickedly’; ⁴⁸ and if they turn back to you with all their heart and soul in the land of their enemies who took them captive, and pray to you ... ⁴⁹ then from heaven, your dwelling place, hear their prayer and their plea, and uphold their cause. ⁵⁰ And forgive your people, who have sinned against you; forgive all the offenses they have committed against you, and cause their captors to show them mercy;⁵¹ for they are your people and your inheritance...


Those verses speak for themselves. We have got to change. We have to repent and plead with God. We have to turn back- turn our eyes from evil things- cast down our idols. And Pray. Seems so simple, but it is evident that our country isnt doing this enough. 


Isaiah 30:18 Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!


God will bring compassion- and justice- and blessings-if we go seek him. 


Psalm 33:12 Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD, the people he chose for his inheritance. 
You want things to be different in this country and have headlines and news stories that create a sense of community and love and happiness? Then I suggest we get some God up in here. Right now. This nation's god is not God. It is time we changed that. This nation will never be blessed until we do.

Pray all the more gladly

I know some of you are sitting on the edge of your seat waiting for a blog about my recent family vacation. Hold on to your britches, it will be posted after this one. I just felt the need to talk about this first- and I need to get my pictures in order for the other blog.

What would your answer be to the question "Do you pray for people?" Hold on- before you are quick to pull the trigger with a "of course I do, I pray for people all the time"- really think about who you are praying for. In the wake of this movie massacre in Aurora Colorado, I have found myself praying for people a lot differently than I normally pray. My heart goes out to this community and all of the people involved. I tear up every time one of the family members of the deceased speaks on tv. My prayers have been specific- and included someone I wouldn't normally have initially prayed for. The shooter/killer. I have prayed that somehow through all of this- he would be the first to find Jesus. That isnt me folks- trust me. God has brought me so far in the past few years to really learn about who He is and why everyone EVERYone needs Him.

When I try and wrap my mind around why this person would do such an awful thing- I am quickly reminded that everyone, despite the sin, needs forgiveness and needs to know that a Savior loves them more than anything. I dont know his "motive", but I do know that his heart was hardened and his mind was controlled by the enemy. That is why it happened. Satan's lies filled his head and it got to the point where he believed it. Oh my heart hurts for these people in Colorado. To the families burrying their young 20 year olds who were just coming into the peak of their lives to the sweet little 1st grader who was really just starting that innocent time period of her childhood- to the servicemen who volunteered to defend this country's and my individual freedom who never thought their battlefield would be a movie theater and not a foreign country- to the sweet guy who was going to celebrate his 1 year anniversary on Sunday- and to the rest of the lost- my heart is at a loss for words for these families.

I have prayed for these people that God would bring comfort and healing quickly. I have prayed for this strange and delussional killer, that God would have mercy on his soul- and that this guy would find grace and forgiveness.

I searched "thankful" on biblegateway.com this morning, because I have a lot to be thankful for- and sometimes I dont give God the glory for it. My heart is thankful, but my actions dont add up to that. Those secret sins get me everytime. Oh I pray over them- but for some reason- I give in again. This morning the verse I found was very profound. 

 First of all, I ask you to pray for everyone. Ask God to help and bless them all, and tell God how thankful you are for each of them. Pray for kings and others in power, so that we may live quiet and peaceful lives as we worship and honor God. This kind of prayer is good, and it pleases God our Savior. (1 Timothy 2:1-3 CEV)

Oh the sting of conviction. Everyone. Ask God to help & bless them all. (help him?- yes- he does need help but I think it is a little too late. blessings- you are kidding right?) not some of them, not the ones we like- all of them- including people who do wrong to us and others) How thankful you are for them (God I am not thankful for this right now- really?). Pray for kings and others in power (so often I put down our President and others in authority because their agenda doesnt match up with my beliefs- yet here I am commanded to pray for them). This prayer is good- pleases God. (How so it must bless God when we humble ourselves and pray for people that we don't necessarily like or agree with- what a true testament of a firm believer that grace is abounding and the more we share it, the more we are pleasing God).

I hope that when you read those verses you feel the same sting I felt. The conviction that you need to pray for people- and the people who we deem as not human. Pray for people. Really really pray for them- and not just a mention of their name to God- a deep prayer for blessings for them- even when we think they deserve a whole lot less. You and I don't deserve help or blessings- but God sees fit to show us mercy anyway (YET while we were still sinners..). Thankfully- you and I arent in the blessing business- because we would've went under a long time ago.

Yes to Va va va Bbbe SSS!

This week has been a doosy in my personal life, BUT it's the best week of the summer at our church! It is Vacation Bible School!! This is one of the most stressful, crazy, busy, LOUD, frustrating, time taking up rewarding weeks of the year. Oh how my heart swells in me to see little kids loving learning about Jesus. The questions they ask are always bigger than you expect and their smiles are as bright as the moon. This year we did a Rock Star theme- and it has been really awesome. At first I was really hesitant, but thankfully God is bigger than my scoffs and questioning mind.

Here are a few of my personal highlights so far: (I hope you smile wide and laugh hard at these like I did)

 Getting to dress up every night with one of my best friends has been SO FUN! Granted, I could never be a rockstar because I would have some terrible breakage from the amount of teasing of hair that has taken place in my bathroom each night. We plan our rockstar outfits and try and wrangle these kiddies to do some service projects for other people. My teacher voice or (insert choice word) voice has come up a few times, but other than that, it has been AWESOME driving the Tour Bus with Andrea! She is a TRUE true friend, who I have been blessed to share life with.





These sweet 5 and 6 year olds were the quietest class on Monday night. They truly loved making stained glass pieces for the Nursing Home guests. They made beautiful artwork, and learned that they are like this stained glass- when light shines in it, color radiates around, shining in at all angles. When we have Jesus in our hearts, he overflows into our lives and shines in at all angles to make life have color bounce around and over us. Melts my heart.


Other highlights include:
• Seeing these kids get EXCITED about coming to church- there was 105 KIDS at our church last night- don't tell me that doesn't give you chills, because I have them now just typing this. They were at a rock concert singing My Redeemer lives- on these sweet innocent lips- praising the same God I praise. My cup runeth over.
• Getting the kids to have a theme night- and not having to send home papers with them. I said wear crazy hair tomorrow and THEY DID! It was awesome. Last night was star night- and EVERY single kid came in with a star. Even the ones who hadn't been the night before- because their friends told them about it. They had so much excitement to show off their stars. I hope they know they have lit up my life this week.
• In class talking about "Leaning on God" when things don't go our way or we are hurting, I asked the older class if they knew what it was like to get picked on and some raised their hands and without missing a beat- a kid that could pass as Snoop Dogg's son said "somebody pick on me- they gon get tha taste slapped out they mouth", BAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH!!! Did that really just happen?!? Every adult in the room was dying- and I had to keep a straight face and say- yes that is a great example of that sin word I was just talking about. Oh man, I couldnt help but laugh my head off after he left.
• Same kid, same night: We made salvation bracelets for them to have an easy way to share Jesus with their friends and strangers. Im going through all the colors and their answers for the colors are hiliarious. They have black red and white down pat. But blue, green and yellow, oh we gotta do some work on that part! As I am explaining yellow represents heaven, where we will get to go when we die if we have Jesus in our hearts, kid raises his hand and asks a beautiful question. "Someone told me the skreets is gold in heaven, dat true?" Be still my heart. Oh someone has been trying to teach this cute hoodrat :) about Jesus and he listened. I said "yes, and they told you right. the STREETS are gold in heaven. God made it very beautiful up there for us" Kid's reply "I can have the gold- like I can take it?" BAHAHAH. Well, the seed might have just not been planted all the way in the soil ;) I said "no baby, you cant take the gold. When we get to heaven all we are going to be worried about it worshipping God and singing to him"..quietly I hear him say to his buddy- "Imma still try and get dat gold."
• Talking to another class about the color beads- white wasnt clicking for this sweet loud bushy haired girl. I tried to teach them that Jesus makes our hearts pure again- and that is called purity. But in her ears, she heard puuuurty. Yes baby girl, Jesus makes us purty too.
• Same kid- next night: Recapping on the color beads, we get to blue (baptism, publicly proclaiming Jesus) and she raised her ever cautious hand and said "Miss Rachel, can you- can you tell me what happens when you get baptised...?" Did you hear that?!? I know there has to be a big ol bell in heaven- because when this happens, some angel has to go ring that thing and rejoice! How sweet to talk to these kids about baptism. And the cool part: they all said but baptising doesnt save you, having Jesus in your heart does. Again, remind me why I get to share this joy God?
• Having kids jump up and down to tell you the day after making salvation bracelets what the colors mean, and helping their friends when they lost the words, blessed. my. soul. God is at work. Even at a poorly decorated craft station table with a teacher who has to yell "Keep your hands to yourself in my class". 
• Seeing 20 OR MORE adults who don't go to our church- stick around and go to the adult class. Oh chills again. And the really cool part? The same Jesus who died for my white church- died for these precious African Americans from a neighborhood down the road that our youth invited to church. If that doesnt let you know God is real, I am so sorry friend, but you are missing out.
• Seeing kids ROCK out. With their songs, their hands, and I pray their hearts. It is truly special to watch music time- even the fast fun parts- these kids are dancing before the Lord, and I know he is well pleased.
• Finally, having a sweet kid in my class give me the biggest kid sized hug imaginable. Just because I loved on him and told him he was doing a great job. That. That is what it is about. Sharing Jesus with these sweet cheekies.

God had to really remind me of something as I was RUSHING around yesterday, trying to get ready in 5 minutes with the coolest hair and star painted on. It takes a lot of time to get into skinny jeans, but I am pretty sure I set the world record yesterday. I was so consumed with what I was going to wear- that I had forgotten to pray for these babies hearts- that God would send a flood over this VBS- and kids would hear the Word of God and want that inside of them. How selfish Rachel. It is not about you. Or the clothes I wear. Or the amount of hairspray I think I can use. Or the coolest rocker jewelry. Hold on, it isn't even about making sure they use up all their craft time to make these things for other people. It is COMPLETELY about giving these kids more than a week of fun, but the words to have an ETERNITY with Christ. Lord, forgive my ungrateful heart. Put in me the words to say that these kids need to hear to know you love them. 2 more nights of VBS- and I know God truly has rocked our world this week. I pray these kids do the same for God.

Heart-full

Not getting what you want can make you feel sick, but a wish that comes true is a life-giving tree. (CEV)

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire is fulfilled, it is a tree of life. (AMP)

Hope deferred makes the heart sick,but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. (NIV)

Proverbs 13:12

How very true are these words? The thing you want most out of life and not getting it makes your heart sick. Literally hurting and you find yourself catching your breath because the pain is almost unbearable.
Heartsick. That is the word I am sure a few of you can certainly relate to. Being so wounded and crippled by fear, uncertainty, endings and beginnings, changes and words said in a moment of emotions running away. It can break you down and hurt to the point where you cry yourself to sleep at night- hoping- praying- wishing- just knowing this can't be the end of the story. Hurt to the point that you bring on more stress to your already tired and worn heart and break it down some more.

Thankfully, there is that small 3 letter word that CHANGES everything. It is almost read over and skipped sometimes, yet it is SO important to how the game plays out. But. b-u-t. There it is. This small word changes so much.

Having heartsickness is overwhelming, BUT, thankfully, this verse does not stop there. It says when your desires, wishes, and longings are fulfilled, come true, and made real- it is a life giving tree. Your soul is restored. The depths of your unreasoning has had a revolutionary breakthrough in the hardened soil. Roots stretch far and wide, bringing you the things you need to get over this heartsickness. The parts above the surface shine bright and are made new and beautiful. Crunchy faded leaves have a resurection and color flows through their cells again. There is something different about you in that instant that your deepest desires and the things you find yourself pinning relentlessly over come to the point where they aren't dreams anymore. They are real. You just witnessed a modern day miracle.

Psalm 37:4 says  Take delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart (NIV). Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart (AMP). Do what the Lord wants,

and he will give you your heart’s desire (CEV).


I know these verses go hand in hand. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. When those desires aren't fulfilled it makes the heart sick, but when the desire is fulfilled, life is given back to you.

Sometimes, God sees fit to not reveal the fulfillment of the God-given desires he has placed in us because he needs us to either find that contentment in him, be refined and made more to look like Christ instead of ourselves, or because we let our earthly fleshly desires take over like a diva in a play and God is kicked off stage so our egos can have the full attention.

The desires that you have in you were put there by the Creator of feelings- the Sustainer of longings, and the Prince of Peace who calms the seas that rage within us. If he put it there, and you fully completely wholeheartedly believe that his word is true, he will make it happen at the appointed time. Not your time. Because your time is set by an imaginary calendar with fixed deadlines and appointments that can not be missed. BUT when God gives you the desires of your heart, it restores your life.

God is big. He is amazing. I still find myself at a loss for words (hard to believe, I know you just said) for what is happening around me. Good things. Great things. Absolutley God things. Desires that I had supressed and even thought I had cremated suddenly have been brought back to life like a patient who had the boards used on them. The heartbeat has been found again.

I know God is at work in me and around me. Sometimes, more often than you think, God is going to blow you away with the way he changes things up on you. It is going to hurt a little while if we don't get/have/see the things/people/blessings, but he gives us God-sized desires that only HE can make a reality. My tree was pretty much dead and chared- left with a worm eaten heart and only remnants of wilted leaf memories.
But I say unto you today, life has been restored to these dry bones. There is a smile as wide as the Milky Way on my face, and my heart is filled to the brim. Color now bursts on the screen and black and white fade into the background. The desires of my heart are starting to be fulfilled- and I am so excited. God is always at work, even when we give up on him. He put those desires in you- and He will make them real.

Hold fast to the promises of His word, and you too will find that God is the best gift giver ever.  This Bound 4 More journey is truly looking up. 625, oh happy day, this is just the beginning.

Triscuits & chips

If you read the previous post, you know I was very blessed to be able to travel to 2 states, hit up the beach, look over a campus, see some amazing animals, and breathe the same air as greatness, all in the same week. As I sat riding to all of these places, I realized how blessed I was at the moment. Blessed to have a car to get me from point A-B- Z wherever. Blessed to have money to get a new suit to interview. Blessed to have so much "stuff" that I sold it and made $110 for my trips. Blessed to be able to have a job that allows for me to get off early in the summer- and take a short vacay at the beginning of the week. Blessed to be able to have friends who let you come stay with them in order for you to save money. Blessed to be able to buy foods to take into the games to not have to spend so much. Blessed that when things go wrong, you don't over react, you just deal with it and not let it ruin the fun of your day. Blessed to be able to know that I have a job when I get back from these trips. Blessed to know that I am able to do all of the things that I did that didn't get mentioned- all the shopping and dining and plain spending time with people I care about.

At the end of the week, I would be foolish not to thank God for providing me with all of these blessings this week. From protecting me on the drive to Tuscaloosa, and being missed by a car barrel rolling at me on the interstate from a wreck, to giving me peace about going on my HHI trip instead of looking at houses (when I still dont know where I am living), to allowing me to have some precious time with friends that I dont get to see often, to showing me to not get mad when turns were missed or something cost a lot to park, and giving me the opportunity to do so much in one week, that a lot won't ever do in their lifetime. I realize that God was blessing me, I am so grateful that he makes us new and gives us joy, even in the times when we feel like he won't or that everyone else is enjoying life and I am not.

Monday- A wrong turn was made on the interstate and it left me in an unfamiliar area with a person at the window asking for stuff. She showed her recent stay in Dekalb county jail arm band and said she had no ill intentions- and was just looking for some food or clothes for her and her kids because she was homeless. As I sat with my head thinking the worst of this person, and then my heart brought me back to reality. She said she was hungry- so since I pack everything for trips- I reached in the back and passed an unopened box of triscuits and bag of chips through to the window. (the chips were a free blessing from panera a few days before, it pays to pay it forward). She was truly grateful for someone just acknowledging her. As I sit here and recap all the 1000+ miles I ventured out on this week, I am reminded to be Christ to the least of these. God gave me a lot of blessings this week, and I need to share that with others. I hope you will choose to give up your Triscuits and chips just to see a smile on someone, even if they are missing some teeth. They are precious in His sight. Pay it forward, because blessings, unlike karma, have good intentions. Karma: what goes around comes around; blessings- what you do for others will come back to you in ways you can't imagine, and only for good.