40 day mark

We are 40 days away from the big show. From my last name changing. From all this effort being played out. From becoming a little family. 

Where has the time gone? Seems like just yesterday Kevin and I were on our first date. Little did I know that was just the beginning of the rest of our lives. 

We are in premarital counseling with our preacher who is conducting the wedding. It has been interesting and sometimes frustrating to hear what the other one has to say. We both have learned a lot and make references to those sessions a lot. We had to take a long test online to determine a lot of things- and we scored 100 on a lot of them. Apparently this doesn't happen a lot. We know we have a special relationship that is very different from most of the people getting married these days.

We also had to list our stress level from wedding planning. At the time- I was pretty ok- and my scores reflected a 10 stress level. Kevin's was a 20. In our session Saturday he asked me if I lied on the test because apparently that is not the case now. He said the bulk of his stress comes from me stressing him out about the things I am stressed about. Seems to have gotten a lot more intense since we took that test. 

I don't really think I am stressed so much about the wedding part- I am stressed about the things I can't control. Parking. Weather. Guest list. Those would be the three things I just wish would fall into place. 

Everyone keeps asking me are you getting excited? And I am excited about marrying the love of my life- I just am not at that pure excitement stage. That stage where you get to the point where you don't care anymore about the details and just focus on why you are getting married. People keep saying that at the end of the day we will be married and that is all that matters. I understand that- but that is not anything remotely close to how I see the day playing out. 

I have already planned to expect everything to not go as planned- but I just want to have a special day where everyone gets along, the weather is nice, and the party is worth remembering. 

I have completed a lot of tasks- we have had vendors booked since a week after getting engaged. I have made all of the major decorations but one last thing- hopefully we get that done this week. All my maids have dresses and shoes. The groomsmen's suits will be in soon. My dress ships this week. The table runners are almost done. Showers start this week. Honeymoon got booked last week. I ordered Kevin's wedding band Friday. My fitness routine has picked up. We are making purchases together for our home. 

Life is happening all around us. Sometimes I think this isn't real and my world is just going to stop all of a sudden. I know it isnt going to, but I still have that thought in the back of my head. 

We are getting ready to enter into one of the most sacred covenants and I want our hearts to be in the right place. Not in the ribbon and lights- not in the vanilla cupcakes vs chocolate cupcakes- not even in honeymoon part. I want our hearts to be reflective of Christ and his great love for us. How we can fill those roles and responsibilities to honor God and the one that he has called us to spend the rest of our lives with. How we can choose to build up our other half and encourage them to walk closer with the Lord. 

So, if you are reading this, pray for these last days leading up to the changing of our lives. Pray for peace, direction, stress reduction, and just safety and health over our families and friends.