The proposal

Now this is the story all about how-
How My life got changed, filled with  hope-
And I'd like to take a minute - just sit right downI'll tell you how I became the fiance of Kevin Pope

I hope you read that while hearing the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song. I have been letting the engagement sink in and I finally have some time to write about how it happened. Hope you enjoy the story- because it is a good one!

Friday- November 16

I had left work early because I had worked late Thursday night. I went to Kevin's house when I got off from work. We hung out and talked and he said he had to go to Atlanta a lot this next week and maybe he could swing by Solomon Brothers and order my ring.
I made a sarcastic comment- "it is less than 7 weeks til Christmas you know." (knowing that he had told me it would take at least 6 weeks to make the ring and have it shipped back to GA) He replied "Oh my gosh- are you serious?! Well, maybe I can get it rushed through." And my reply "It's fine- I'm never getting a ring." He said in the sweetest voice "Oh yes you will, just not right now because the ring you picked out cost a lot of money and I have to save up more for it."
So I left it at that and set in my mind that it was going to happen on New Year's Eve because he had asked me multiple times- do you want to get engaged this year or next- and I just KNEW he was going to get down on one knee at 11:59 December 31.

Later on his mom called him and said she had seen my mom at Walmart and they wanted to know if we wanted to go to dinner with them. (I was pining for some Lieu's peking anyway on my own- so when Mrs. Helen said that's where they were going- I was totally on board!) We said we would meet them there at 7.

No big- our parents had met before- but they had never had dinner all together. My mom missed out on a few previous dinners. So  really didnt think anything of it- but I was incredibly excited about chinese food!

Mrs. Helen called again to make sure it was ok with me- I guess part of the plan- and I think to tell Kevin to make sure he didnt dress up too much or something about my mom having clothes- I dont really know.

We left the house and headed to Lieu's. We took Kevin's truck- which is really weird and I don't remember why- but I asked him if he remembered our date to Aubri Lane's when he asked me to sit in the middle and I said that was one of the best dates I had ever had. He told me to sit in the middle again this night and I did.

We get to Lieu's- late of course- and where are our parents seated? RIGHT SMACK DAB IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PLACE!! Seriously- the middle table where everyone in the entire place can see you from any other table. We sit down- order our food and set out to overindulge on some various chicken plates.

By the end, I am so full and miserable because I for some reason ate EVERYTHING. Bob, the owner, brings out a pretty dyed onion he had carved- and I am guessing he did this because he was so nervous about bringing out the fortune cookies he was trying to calm down. The fortune cookies come out a few minutes later (Kevin said he was having to give him signals all night about the timing). I grabbed up a few and tossed them around the table.

Kevin is to my left and my deddy is to my right, then my mom, his mom, and his dad. I shuffle 2 cookies in my hand like I always do and I asked Kevin- which one do you want? (Now I did notice that Lieu's had gotten new cookies, the bags were different {yes, we eat there that much}, but I didnt think anything of it.)

He picked the one in my right hand and I tear mine open. Now, I dont know if you play this game- but my family always plays read your fortune and add "in the bed" after it to make it funnier. Well, I didnt really want Kevin's parents to hear me say that- so I just read my fortune outloud to Kevin. "The man next to you has a very important question to ask."

Pause story

I immediately think to myself "well, that is not very exciting of a fortune, but when I add "in the bed" maybe it will be funnier.

So, as I am processing the above statement, I turn to Kevin to say "in the bed" and lo and behold he is getting down on one knee. At this point I lost it. And immediately thought "OHMYGOSH This is a REAL fortune!" My hands are over my wide open mouth and I feel like I am in another place and he said "You know I tell you I love you every day and that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Will you marry me?"

Picture Quasimodo. Now make him cry. That is what kind of face I have at this point. My mouth is wide open and Im bawling. I just hug the life out of Kevin because I am still in shock. He didn't get a yes when he asked, just some extremely tight hug and the breath knocked out of him. He asks me, well is that a yes- do you want me to put the ring on your finger?

And i said "yes! yes yes yes!- but way more cry-tone involved. He slid the most beautiful ring on the planet on my finger and stood up and got me up to hug me again.

At this point, everyone in the restaurant is clapping for us. The crazy thing is that we knew about 10 people in there having dinner. It was really special for that many people to share our excitement with us. All I can do is cry and hug Kevin. I didnt want to let go.

My parents are technologicaly challenged, so my mom with her fancy iphone she has had for 2 months- couldnt figure out how to take pictures. So in the middle of my exciting time- I had to show her and I eventually just gave it to Kevin to deal with. Everyone wanted to see my ring, so I gladly went and showed it off.

I know both my parents teared up and were smiling from ear to ear when it was happening. Bob brought us out more food for the celebration and said he had never been so nervous in his life. He had never had to do a proposal before. Kevin's mom had delivered the special fortune cookies- which Kevin had ordered 20- to make sure he had his bases covered because he knew I would switch them up! So, all of us got the same fortune, I really dont even think our parents opened theres. Smart guy he is. He also made sure Bob knew to bring out those cookies- because the regular ones would obviously ruin the plan.

We celebrated a little longer and took lots of pics. We missed out on taking pictures with our parents, I guess we were just too excited. I hugged my parents and they have never been so excited. I hugged Kevin's parents and his mom said "well- you didn't ask for my permission. And I am thinking..what the heck are you talking about woman? And I said "Can I be your daughter in law?" and she said something- I dont remember- so I guess that meant I got it wrong and I said "Can I please marry your son?" and she said yes- then proceeded to hug me and said in a stern voice that only I heard "Don't hurt my baby".

I have to laugh- but I'm pretty sure she meant business. I won't hurt your baby- I love him too much to hurt him!!

It was the best thought out and well planned engagement. Kevin is a sweetheart. Lieu's Peking is where the story all started, where Kevin and I had our first date, so it will forever hold a special place in our hearts.

Here are some pics from that night- start left- then go down- then the right side is the completion.

We are over the moon excited and can't wait to get married in April! Thanks for reading our story- This will be the best Thanksgiving ever- because my heart is full and my ring finger is SHINING!

All you need is love...

Not really. Some people base their entire lives around this saying- and go looking for love in all the wrong places. To the arms of a stranger, to the home of a friend- to the refrigerator or to the mirror- only to find that sometimes we don't always get what we want.

Acceptance. Memories. Warm thoughts about being together- these are the deepest feelings that all human beings crave. And when we don't get the things we need/want, sometimes it can turn out ugly.

In my struggles as a Christian, I find it really hard to love the way I should (refer back to the other post). Christ is the model for love- so to sum it up- it is supposed to be on purpose, genuine, with intent to bring something better to someone else's life, and real.

If anything- just know that Jesus didn't pretend. He didn't love people one day and turn his back on them the next- we did that part.

I had to spend some time in the Word this week looking for something that I honestly wasnt comfortable with, but I know that God was pushing me to it. When we are angry or hurt or disappointed or just plain confused from/by people, the only place we need to run to is the arms of Christ.

Yet, so often, we run to the created and not the Creator.

"But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." Matthew 5:44

“But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." Luke 6:28

^"But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked." Luke 6:35

You can see where my struggle is this week- ohh loving people that are enemies. Or in modern day terms: people that don't like you.

My favorite parts of the Bible are when Christ speaks. I am huge fan of Paul's work, but Jesus' words have a different something to me.

In the Amplified version, it takes on a whole new meaning:
 "Invoke blessings upon and pray for the happiness of those who curse you, implore God’s blessing (favor) upon those who abuse you [who revile, reproach, disparage, and high-handedly misuse you].

Instead of harboring bitterness or holding on to the hurt- I choose to let it go this week. I choose to pray for those who are against me. I choose to ask for God to rain down blessings on them- and bless them to the point where their cup runneth over. It is a hard thing- which is why there are so many verses about loving those who are against you.

I will pray. I will love. And I won't do it because it is any idea of mine- I do it because Christ loved me when I was his enemy.

Maybe all you really need is the love of Christ- and it will cover a multitude.

The ugly truth

Sometimes, we all do it. Some of us, probably more so than not. And when we do it- we don't ever question it. It is who we are- .........or is it?

I have found myself lately seeing life through a different perspective. I am not sure how this came about- because I sure didn't ask for it, but God is trying to teach me something right now.

Sometimes, I look at people and judge them. Oh how I judge them for their clothing, their belongings, but mostly for their looks. I think the worst or degrade them in my mind because they aren't like me. Or they aren't pretty or attractive. Then, for some reason, God has been working on my head and my heart lately. God reminds me in a still and quiet voice- that he made them just the same as me- He MADE them on purpose and with a purpose- and I am supposed to love them. Love them because God loves me- and I say I love him- and that is how you are to live your life according to the scripture. ..John 13:34 (NIV) “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."

It is hard to love people who are different from us. Or not so much different from our "lifestyle" but it is hard to love people who get on my nerves. Maybe not for you. Maybe you can just see them for what they are- I hope to be that way one day.

Sometimes I call people ugly- like a make a big point out of how ugly and trashy they are. That same still voice reminds me that "God does not look at outward appearance Rachel, he looks at the heart" (1 Samuel 16:7)- and you should be doing the same young lady.

It is so hard to think of all people being equal. There are many many differences- race, ethnicity, socioeconomic status, education level, religion, where you live (such as ghetto vs a trailer park or a subdivision), where you were raised, who ya momma and ya daddy are- your political stance- and how you present yourself to the world with your clothes and hygiene. But one thing remains- oh and I love this song- "Your love never fails, you never give up on me."

God never gives up on us- his love is never ending. And the crazy thing is- that same love is inside each and every believer. I want that love overflowing from me. I want to love others- this verse sums it up  "Dear Children, let us not love with words or speech, but with actions and in truth" 1 John 3:18

Don't just talk about how you love people- get out there and show them. Stop running your mouth so much and maybe you could see the brokeness that these people need, and the only thing- THE ONLY THING that you can offer them that will actually make things better- is the love of Christ.

I hope the next time you look at someone, you look at them and love them- even if you don't know them or never speak to them- I pray that you and I can love people.

Regrets and Roots

It's been a long time- I shouldnt have left you without a dope beat to step to..

If you know that song- then you are old :) But it has been a while- so much has been going on- and the lazy bug struck me again, so here goes.

This past weekend I had the chance to take a trip down memory lane with Mr. Kevin Pope himself. We trekked off to Statesboro- his college town- his old stopmpin' grounds. Now, I had been to Statesboro a time or two in college- to visit friends on breaks that I had- but never really did anything besides the movies or dinner. This time- oh, I got the full Statesboro special.

Saturday we made our way to the tailgate for the Eagles- and I can tell you- it was way more relaxed and chill than an Athens tailgate- and a whole lot less stressed. I really liked how everyone tailgates in the same area- its not a bunch of loud people with solo cups. And the football team comes through the backside of the tailgate in their buses and everyone sets off their car alarms. Oh- and the band walks through the tailgate- which was pretty cool too. Eventually, after visiting a few tailgates of Kevin's friends, we made our way into the game. Here is where my regret started to set in.

I am pretty sure I missed out a great deal by not going to a school with football. The excitement of being a part of something way bigger than yourself really set in this weekend. I missed out on tailgating, screaming for my school and singing alma matas with my classmates. I really have no idea what it is like to feel like you are a part of the ____ nation.

This sparked a lot of other regrets that I thought about over the weekend.

I missed out on a real college experience because I didn't go away to a school. I missed out on learning what it is truly like to live on your own at an early age. I have never had to share a room- or a bathroom with anyone- even when I did move out. I have always had the luxury of having my parents around if something ever went wrong- like tearing my acl- or being sick my freshman year.

I don't know what its like to be in a class FULL of people. The most I ever had was maybe 45-50. I don't know what it is like to actually have to plan your schedule to be able to get to classes on different sides of campus.

I missed out on going to a school that people have actually heard of. I missed out on knowing what it is like to actually have to drive back to school and stay for a while. I do feel like I missed out on the fun and excitment that college is supposed to bring. I regret staying in Milledgeville all of the time- because I am still here. I regret just taking a chance and actually applying anywhere but Georgia College. I regret just actually taking a chance to leave.

I say all of this- because my college experience couldn't have been more different than my other half's. I went to a small school with no football team. I lived at home my first 2.5 years. I moved out my Jr year and still was in the same town, so nothing changed but some freedom. I had small classes. I didn't party. I would go out to dance- but I didn't drink until I turned 21- the 1st day of my Senior year. Even when I could drink legally- I didnt really do it because that just wasn't me. I didn't date anyone until my Senior year- like I think I went on maybe 3 dates in college.

My college experience was so different from that of a "typical college student"- but I have to remember that some things I wouldn't ever change.

I met an awesome core group of friends my freshman year- and to this day we still keep in touch. I spent my every waking minute either at the BSU (BCM now) or with my BSU friends. BSU was my life. I went on mission trips to Alabama, Texas, Washington DC, Atlanta- Marietta and Connecticut because of being at GCSU. I went to the beach every fall and every spring the mountains. Chattanooga is where I decided to change my major because of BSU. I was on BSU Council Freshman year- which was a 1st for our BSU. I stayed on Council til my Senior year. I was in and led Bible studies. I went home with friends for Spring Break to their parents homes and we talked about everything- and their parents loved me like I was one of their own.

I stayed up late with my BSU friends talking, singing, and laughing. My grades didn't slip because I partied, they slipped because I had too much of a social life. I have many stories that are only relevant to my friends and myself- that no one else would understand, but I wouldnt trade for anything- not even a school with football.

So as I sit here and feel as though I did miss out on my college experience, I can honestly say- it wouldn't have worked out the way it did if I went any other place. God knew what he was doing keeping me in Milledgeville. I have the best memories- and even still- some of the best friends from this lil ol' town.

Some Things Never Change

I have just spent the last 2 hours...roughly.. looking at all of my tagged photos on Facebook. HOLY GEEZE. Are you kidding me? No wonder I never got asked out. Gross. Here is a list of things that haven't changed at all- over the course of many years...

1. If I don't have a tan- I look really scary gross. My gosh- like for real I didnt know it was that bad- but it is. Thankfully- I have access to spray tans now!
2. I will never ever ever cut my hair above my shoulder blades EVER again. Ohh. Fat cheeks and short hair don't mix.
3. Blonde is not my best look. Eeek.
4. One of three things is going to mess up my pictures: my eyes, my neck, or my posture in general. My eyes are always squinted ( I guess because my smile is SO freaking large), me neck is always bent at the wrong angle- and clearly I dont know how to stand up or sit down in pics.
5. My smile is always huge- sometimes too big. Scary big. I knew I had big teeth- but my gums are just huge. 
6. I am pretty dramatic in most of my action shots- like overly dramatic.

Its hard to believe Facebook was invented in my day. Spring of 2005. I will never forget it. UGA got it before us and there were rumors going around that thing new website was so awesome it was making students skip class. What kind of website is this we thought? We finally got it- about a month later- and I can tell you I never skipped class- but I dang sure spent HOURS on this site adding errrybody and they brother. Joining every group possible. It was madness. 

I have changed so much. My weight has changed the most- good grief. Yikes- that workout plan has to be stepped up so I don't go back to where I have been.I can't believe the girl in these pictures is who I was so long ago. 

I am reminded that when I look back on these memories- my heart is full of joy. It doesnt matter how pasty white you might be- it doesnt matter that your smile blocks out everyone else in the picture- it certainly doesnt matter what length my hair is- and most importantly it doesnt matter what clothes were in style (because I am convinced I had the worst style in college and right when I got my job)- what matters is who you surround yourself with. I have untagged many a photo- from the all endearing photos of me and exes- from the photos that are really really awful- to the ones that no one really needs to see. Memories. 

I am grateful for seasons. I have written about this before - but I am grateful to look back on my seasons and be reminded that some things don't have to change. 

I love ...Part Deux

I hope you came back to hear about the second part of the love story. Maybe it will be as cool as the first one. Maybe you thought the first one wasn't that great. Oh well, here goes...

So, that Saturday, after he woke up from his zombie shift, he called and asked if I wanted to hang out with him that night. This dude meant business. Never have I ever been on 2 back to back dates with the same guy in one weekend. Just who did he think he was? Obviously, Mr. Right. What did I have to lose? Ok, sure I will come hang out with you at your house- I clearly don't have any other social life going on to keep me from participating.

He gave me directions to his house and I set out on my "omgihavetolookprettybutnotlikeiamtrying" outfit. A cute bright top and bright blue shorts. All the while thinking I was going to be sick to my stomach because I was nervous. Nervous that was it ok for me to be doing this? This dating and hanging out thing? Was I ready? Had my broken heart really had time to heal or was I just going through the motions? No, I know my heart had healed. I had washed my hands of everything and moved on. Yes, this is ok Rachel- its just hanging out with some super hot guy, nothing but hanging out. I drove over- called him because his road wasn't showing up on my GPS- and he said "haha- you just passed it" as I drove by.

Embarrassing moment #1. So I finally turn around after I made sure that the redness was gone in my face. Such a cute house. A craftsman style house. Funny, because that is what I have had my heart on buying or building or making a house into if I had to remodel one I bought. House- check. We made small talk and he gave me a tour of the house. First stop- the shed.

Filled with oodles and oodles of man things- like tools and gardening stuff- and motorcycles- and lawn mowers and pressure washers. It reminded me of my deddy's shop. I asked him if he knew how to use any of the power tools and he said "yeah, I built this shed." Come again? He has tools and actually knows how to use them? Shed- check. Maybe he was a manly man- interesting.

The house tour picked back up inside. We toured the guest rooms, not much going on there at all- a bed a tv- guess thats what guys do for decor. Moving on..Is it just me or is this guy a neat freak? Everything had its own place- the bathroom was clean- the living room was clean- the kitchen was even cleaner. Then the Master Bedroom. Neatly organized. Then I saw it. In the bathroom. I think my heart skipped a beat. All neatly arranged on the counter top. A Sonicare. Is this real life God? (In case you don't know- teeth- a good looking grill- and all the pieces in tact and white are my #1 must have. I had settled for this with so many exes)- and here this guy was brushing with a Sonicare. Oh Good dental care- CHECK.

He asked me if I wanted something to drink. Into the kitchen we went. He opened the frige- and the radar was zoning in. A quick scan told me either he was still living like he was in college (broke and cheap) or that he was never home to eat. I picked the latter. Then- there it was. Like a spotlight came on- Organic. Fat. Free. Milk. I caught myself smirking in God's direction thinking, are you trying to play games with me? Don't do this to me.

Seriously- the night could have ended right there and I would have been as happy as could be. House. Tool Shed. Toothbrush. Organic Milk. I am pretty sure this guy was designed specifically for me- and I didn't even know I had asked for him.

We talked- and talked. For hours. And I literally mean hours. I kept thinking I was going to wake up from this dream- that some cute guy was 1) interested in me 2) talked as much as I did and 3) actually wanted to just sit around and talk about life- but it was REAL. Really real.

We went to Kroger to buy stuff for dinner. At this point I was freaking out because I didn't know if it was ok for people to see us together. And then I thought, what the heck- I don't care who sees us together- I want them to see us together. (keep in mind this is DATE 2 people) We did see people in there that I knew- 2 sets of married friends I have- and I had to introduce him and he took it like a champ. Talked it up and it was amazing. Who is this guy? I kept thinking candid camera was going to jump out and tell me this was all a joke. It never happened.

We got our salad and fruit (ps he is a healthy eater, be still my heart) and headed back to his house. From this point- I can't put into words for you the excitement, the happiness, and the all out perfection of how this night went. We continued to talk- and talk- and I am pretty sure I even cried at one point. He never got up or looked at me weird- we just had the most open, honest, and direct conversation I have ever had in my life. For hours on end. It lasted until extremeeeeelllllyyyyy late in the morning, you would be better off to say the next day. I finally looked at the clock and felt like Cinderella- I needed to get my booty out of there ASAP. Who does this on the second date Rachel!?

So, hurredly I left- kicking myself because of what time it was- and the whole time home- thinking- that was the best night I have ever had in my life. You know why? Because I am good at one thing- and one thing only- talking. And this guy kept up with me- even had me silent at some points. Huh?

So- to make a long story even longer, we both went to our respected churches, and texted that afternoon. My friends took me to lunch and made a direct point to call me out on why I was so happy and acting weird. They noticed. I tried to hide it- but I wound up keeping them in a parking lot for an hour just gushing about this guy- that they knew- and called him Abercrombie.

I went to another married friend's house and clearly they saw it too. So I had to tell the story again. I didnt mind. Then he texted and asked if I wanted to meet his parents that night. Um, its Day 3? And all the while my friends said I had to go. So, into their bathroom I went and tried to look presentable with the help of her makeup and his advice! What did I have to lose? All in Rachel.

So, I later met his parents that night. No awkwardness. The whole time he was right beside me and really wanted to be next to me. He wanted to show me off. Weird, never been in that situation before...

There you have it. That is how it started in a nutshell. That Sunday after dinner we hung out after leaving his parents- and Monday he asked me to be his girlfriend. On the floor in the office area of his house.

I can't make this stuff up people. I hope you smiled when you read it. I smile everyday when I think about how BAT CRAP CRAZY it is. God had his hand on my relationship with Kevin Pope since a knee surgery day in 2005. It just keeps getting better. Tune in next week for something not so lovey-dovey.

How it came to be- Part 1

Maybe I am writing this down so I don't forget it. Maybe it is for those of you who really want to know. Maybe, just maybe, it's a story worth telling.

Seven years ago, December 15, 2005 I was prepped and ready to have my ACL reconstruction surgery at ORMC. Going to the hospital with no makeup and some sweats in the early morning hours to get this thing over with. Hugely nervous and terrified out of my Senior college student mind, I get in the waiting lobby with my parents. Little did I know some adrenaline seeking college kid who grew up in Milledgeville and went to school at Georgia Southern would re-tear his ACL and have surgery scheduled the same day as me. Literally 15 minutes before me. So- we talked and our parents met and both of us were in knee braces by that afternoon. The crazy part is- the guy got to go home and I had to spend the night in misery. Because the pain was so bad and my morphine pump got blocked. Oh- and I dont eat spice cake anymore because once I did get some pain meds, they brought me dinner and spice cake doesn't taste as good coming up as it does going down.He also got to start rehab the next day- I was on crutches for 6 weeks. 

Ever so often from this day I would get a random Facebook message asking about my knee and how I was doing. He was almost back to 100% within 2 months- um- we can for sure say that I am about 70% 7 years later. Small talk went on for a while..nothing major.

Somewhere along the last 3 years- I deleted the guy I shared a knee surgery day from my Facebook. I went through a REALLY large purge and cleaned house. Sadly, his didnt make the cut. I saw him randomly last August in Savannah- at a Governor's Office of Highway Safety meeting- the most random conference ever to see him at- in an elevator. We made small talk- of course it was about our knees- and that was it.

It would be wrong of me to lie and say I didn't really take notice of seeing him at this conference. Truthfully- I was wishing I didnt have a boyfriend so I couldve at least given him a "ohmygosh you lookamazing" hug- you know those close deep hugs you try linger a little longer with?

Fast forward to June 2012. My life was in the middle of (what I was hoping for) some changes. I had just interviewed with Alabama. I had just decided I was D-O-N-E with letting my ex play with my emotions. I had put in offers on 2 separate houses. I had started to gain weight back because I was normal eating again. I was going to make it alone and I was beyond excited about that.

So, I get a random Facebook friend request from the knee surgery guy with a message saying-  I know we were already Facebook friends,  not sure what happened (I do, oopssie, my bad). I see you work at the college, how is that and how is that knee holding up?

Out of no where but in the middle of everything, in the most awkward and perfect timing. Here is this guy- who I have thought is SUPER attractive the entire time I have known him- even when he was playing soccer in highschool. (He didn't know me- but I knew him because I dated a guy from his school and went to their Prom). Even when we were sleepy at 6 am on surgery day. Especially when I got caught in an elevator with him. I replied back with a Kevin! like an ohmygoshhowintheworldareyou Kevin, but I was hoping he didn't pick up on that- or that I had defriended him :(

Our messages back and forth touched on life. I asked about where he was stationed, because duh, I knew he had went to Trooper school, but didn't know where he was based out of, and life at the college in the summer time. Thrilling I dare say. BUT- then I snuck something in there after asking about where he worked, and to this day I am not sure how I pulled this off after deciding to give up on guys. I said "Where are you based?- because if you are near Milly- we should hang out."

Did I really just say that to him??- after declaring to the world, mainly my momma that I was done with guys and never wanted to ever go on another date for as long as I lived? WHAT THE HECK?!

In his reply, he said he lived in Milledgeville, bought a house and "We should defininetly (his spelling) get together sometime and hang out, I would like that!"

Rachel, what are you doing?! So we messaged back and forth a couple of more times about me being so frustrated with my life about trying to buy a house, his commute, my soon to be move to Wilkinson County (since I hadn't found anywhere to live), and why he moved back to Milly from the ATL. Oh..and tried to make plans to meet up for lunch on a Friday.

Then he asked for my number- with some excuse that it would make it easier to communicate and he was on his way to work and shouldn't be facebooking. And I gave it to him.

We texted and I want to say talked some that night, but I dont remember. I know he was at work from 9-5am- and he texted me when he got home. And I was secretly glad he texted me at 530 in the morning.

Then- it was go time. Within 24 hours this guy had messaged me, got my number, and had a lunch date with me. Ok- stand your ground much? Hard to get. Nope, easy to give I guess. He even let me pick where we were having lunch. Lieu's Peking, my all time favorite place in Milly.

I met him there- in my best Orientation work outfit I could pull off- note lots of sweaty makeup and frizzy hair- and couldnt help but be super nervous. I hadn't been on a date in over 3 years (from dating people for long periods of time). I was completely wanting to freak out- but for some strage reason, I didnt. Lunch couldnt have been any better. I talked- he talked- he talked so much that I ate all of my food and he didnt eat any of his- and we sat there for 2 and half hours. With never a dull moment- never awkward silence- never me leaving to go check my face- I did pull the mirror one time to check my teeth. It was the best date I had ever been on.

When we left- I gave him a hug, and then when back in for another one- and he GIVES THE BEST HUGS. I could have stayed there all afternoon and talked to him. It was the craziest thing ever. It was like we had known each other for years- and like our exes were the same people just a different gender. Later that night- we texted and talked and talked. It was the start of something amazing. Tune in tomorrow for part 2.

The so called and the lackluster

Mmm. It has been almost a month since I blogged. Much has changed in my life and there are so many words to put to type, so I hope to catch you up on thoughts and processes and just where this so called journey is taking me.


Kevin and I have been looking for a new church since July. I am not sure if you have ever had to do this, but I can sum it up in 3 words: overwhelming, sad, and frustrating. You may look at that and say those are pretty negative words to be describing the church, but those are my true thoughts right now.  

Sad: hurts to leave a place where you have spent the last 4.5 years and made what you thought were lasting relationships and go out into the unknown looking for new ones. It hurts to know that you are leaving people you have grown to care about only to be thrust into a new life where you kinda don't exist anymore. I think it is beyond my wildest thoughts to understand people. How one minute you can be so excited for a person, then pretend you never met them the next. My guilt runs true to this as well. Why we are one way at a certain time point, and then couldn't be more opposite at other times, I will never understand. I question a lot of things right now, mainly friendships and investments and time spent with people, but I have to take it in seasons. 

Overwhelming: Oh we have tried so many places. No, there isn't a perfect church, oh I know that full well. But is there a perfect place for us? My vanity comes out a lot. No, those curtains are awful. No the music was terrible. No one spoke to us. No, the preacher was boring. No, I can't raise my hand. Not any young adults. No kids. No older people. No. No. No. God is testing me in the finest right now to trust him to bring us to the place he has appointed for us. It is so hard. Oh, it is so hard. I know what I want in a church- but I have to remind myself we are going to be put at a place where we can be invested in, invest in the Kingdom, and invest in each other on our spiritual course. Why is it so easy for me to strike up conversations with random students about sex alcohol and anything else health related, but I feel like I am in a bubble when I visit churches? My heart doesn't quit pounding in my chest until the preaching starts. I look for familiar faces in the crowds and try to find some solace there, but again- I am looking in the wrong places.

Frustrating- Not getting what you want is always a long process of learning the definition of humility. Sometimes I just want to scream when we are visiting places. It is so frustrating to have these desires of belonging to a church again and being involved and going to a regular church on Wednesday and Sundays, only to come out and say "I don't care if I ever visit there again". My heart is longing to be a part of the body of Christ again. To have people who genuinely want to know you and know what is going on in your life, to pray for you, and to feel like you have someone to  talk to at any given point about anything you may be dealing with- those are my deepest desires right now. 

I know we will find "our" church. I know God is preparing a special place for us where we both can be comfortable and truly learn how to become more mature Christians. I know it is all going to work out, I just am wearing thin on the emotional side. It will be the best decision though. It will all be worth it when we can have no hesitations of where we are and worship the one true living God together. 

It is almost October. I can honestly say 2012 has FLOWN by. Seems like just yesterday I was questioning God about my life and where it was headed in January. He has brought me so far. Oh, I know I am not the same person that used to cry at the bottom of a stairwell for hours on end burying my face in my hands or in the fur of my sweet dog. No, I haven't done that in months. Clearly I don't have issues with food anymore, as the scale might be the thing making me cry now. I have found the one whom my soul loves- and let me just say I could have never in my wildest most vivid and descriptive dreams could have planned this any better. 

In all of this, I find myself still searching though. The good thing about the "dark ages" was that I had nothing but to search out the word and surround myself with it to make sure that was the thing that was making my life better. I was so deep and so intentional about my relationship with the Lord. I need that drive back again. Not saying that I want another testing of faith, FOR SURE, but I am saying that I need to have my happiness be on the same level of my despair. I need a routine to continue in searching for what God wants to tell me- and it shouldn't just come when poop hits the fan. 

So, onward into Fall I press, with the notion to wrap myself up in the Lord and let him do all the work of making my life fall into place.

817. 28. 2012-2013. 143652.

Let's play the number game ok? The above numbers represent a whole lot for this chick.

I decided to look up every verse with 8:17. Some of these did not fit too well for me-  venomous snakes that bite, some lineage, towers falling, bull intestines, and firstborn struck down..but I did find a few that have the potential to be really good verses for me this year.

Proverbs 8:17 "I love those who love me and those who seek me find me"- So this year- I will be more diligent in seeking out God and what he wants for me. Learning to LOVE God more- and move me out of the picture.

Ecclesiastes 8:17  then I saw all that God has done. No one can comprehend what goes on under the sun. Despite all their efforts to search it out, no one can discover its meaning. Even if the wise claim they know, they cannot really comprehend it.- Focus on giving God the glory, not the reasons behind it, just on the fact that he is in control. Understand that God is God and I am not. I don't need all the answers. I just need God.

Isaiah 8:17 I will wait for the Lord, who is hiding his face from the descendants of Jacob.

I will put my trust in him.- Trusting and waiting- 2 things I struggle with. Put my trust in the Lord this year- and not that of man. Believing that he really does have my best interest at heart.

Zechariah 8:17 do not plot evil against each other, and do not love to swear falsely. I hate all this,” declares the Lord.- Ohh. Love others for where they are- and encourage  instead of tear them down. Wish nothing but the best for others in this life. No bad thoughts, no injuiries, no paybacks, no karma. No lying, not even little white ones. Gulp.

Matthew 8:17 This was to fulfill what was spoken through the prophet Isaiah:“He took up our infirmities and bore our diseases.- So much more praise is in order for the man who bore all of this to save me.

Mark 8:17  Aware of their discussion, Jesus asked them: “Why are you talking about having no bread? Do you still not see or understand? Are your hearts hardened?- Is my heart hardened? Do I fully have faith in God- or only when things are good?

Luke 8:17 For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open.- Live a life that is blameless, turn from my sins and remind myself that even when I think no one sees, God knows- and knows the reasons why I do this. Do I want these things brought out in the open? If not, then I need to let Jesus clean it up.

Acts 8:17  Then Peter and John placed their hands on them, and they received the Holy Spirit.- Can I life a life that the Holy Spirit works through me like this? I want to.

Romans 8:17 "Now if we are children, then we are heirs —heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory".- Wait, is this really in there? Share in his sufferings. I am not sure what is ahead of me, but if for the cross I must take a stand, then I do so and trust God is going to remain at work even when it hurts. 

2 Corinthians 8:17 For Titus not only welcomed our appeal, but he is coming to you with much enthusiasm and on his own initiative.- Does my attitude bring people down or make them happier? Enthusiam is something I lack and need more of. I want to be a contagious person who lights up a room, not because of anything of me- but because of the light that Christ is shining through me. The right attitude changes everything.

So there it is. The 10 verses for the year 2012-2012 as I am 28.

Frustrations in Part

Wow, it has been an incredibly long time since I put my 2 cents in on here. I can honestly say it has been for one of two reasons: I am incredibly lazy and have been enjoying some sweet time with my boyfriend, family, and friends.

So here I sit. At my desk on my lunch time. Pondering the vast complexities of life and wondering where I fit in the grand scheme of things, if I even fit at all.

My 28th birthday just passed. What? Did that really just come out of my mouth? Let me give you a fair warning: once you turn 25- it is all REALLY fast moving and gone after that birthday. I had one of the best birthdays ever- this side of my twenties (because a couple of my younger bdays were pretty awesome at McDonalds and Hardees. Oh- and a surprise pizza one for like my 10th). Ha- but really- I set out to have the week designated for me- and had a lot of help from that guy who has my heart. From lots of gifts, dinners, and even a trip to the beach for 4 days- this one will go down in the books as awesome. 

I have been thinking a lot lately about who I use to be- where I have came from- and where I am now. Not so much as to where I am going, because if you know me- I sometimes have this bad fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants attitude, and I just can't plan that far in advance- because life changes so much. 

These are are few things I have learned in my 28 years. 

Learn only to take advice that is scriptural. If it doesn't come from the Bible (or from people who regularly read the Bible) or point you to the Bible, it isn't going to hold much water or change your life that much. (Proverbs 12:5 The plans of the righteous are just, but the advice of the wicked is deceitful).

Time changes everything. It will change you, even if you think you can avoid it. Not just the physical attributes, but also the network of who you really are on the inside. Your opinions and ideals soon scratch more than the surface. There are appointed times for a variety of emotions, feelings, disasters, happiness, comfort, letdowns and disappointments, and renewedness in your life. Accept them and learn from each one. (Ecclesiastes 3)

Life here on this earth is very temporary- even if you can't see past your twenties into the horrible abyss called your 30s. I would like to say live it up- but instead I say invest in things that matter. Because when push comes to shove- it isnt about all the things you have done and seen- it is about the people you got to do and see those things with. (2 Corinthians 4:16-18) Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.


  The times when you are most desperate, most lonely, most confused, and most hopeless are the times that God will move the most in your life. These are also the times when you should go seek for him most. God moves the most in our deserts, there ain't much need for change in the oasis. Remind yourself of this when you get comfortable- always be on the hunt for more of Jesus and less of you. (Psalm 63:1-3 You, God, are my God,

earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you,in a dry and parched land where there is no water.; Proverbs 14:32 When calamity comes, the wicked are brought down, but even in death the righteous seek refuge in God.; John 16:33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world; 1 John 4:4 You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.")



What people hear about you is what they will believe about you. That whole he said she said yo momma said..story gets twisted and people believe what others tell them- not what they see. So, live your life so that when they run their mouth about you, nothing but goodness can come of it. (Titus 2:8 "and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us").   Those are some simple, but true facts that have taken me 28 years to fully learn, understand, and put into practice. I hope you look over your life today- whether you are 18, 28, 48, 68, or 88 and realize the need to make the most out of what you have been entrusted with on this earth.

diary-esque

If I could say one thing to you- oh, from the depths of my heart it would be Thank you. You will never know how grateful I truly am. It was the best decision you could have EVER MADE. Ever ever ever- man- genius move. A few months ago- someone told me "you will look back and know why THIS didn't work out and why something else did".
That same person told me that I would be thankful that this happened, because you. weren't. it. They couldn't have been more right.

If I could say one thing to you- mmm- I think it would be the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Your precious presentation of "how you are" doesnt match up with your actions. But the crazy thing is- I don't even want to say one thing to you.


One thing to you- the rains will come. Heavy and constant. You will be drenched and sometimes soaked to the core. Cold wet and lonely are things you might experience. Know this though: in order for things to GROW, somebody has to give it some water. Your life is like a desert in your times of need, hurt, and exploration. If you never get water in a desert- you die. BUT, if you get water- you live. Know that in order to grow as a person, you will have to get wet to sink your roots down and pull help from the depths of things you never knew existed in you. Sometimes, those rains of hard times and trials seem like they will never end- and maybe for you it will be a hurricane or a monsoon- taking away everything you cherish or leaving you with nothing but a basket of crushed emotions. Growth comes in the times after the watering dear friend. These are the times when you find out who you really are and what you are really made of.

One thing to you: Dr. Suess said "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind". If you really are the words that you describe yourself with, start living up to it. It should be evident and I wouldnt question it. And if your true character is being ^%*^&, then I hope you make some changes to be something different.  Stop pretending to be something you aren't ever going to be. Why do you want to be someone else anyway? You aren't a clone. You are an individual with the Creator's fingerprints all over you being. Just because all your friends "do it" doesnt really require you to do it. Stand out in a crowd, not sit down where no one can see you. Don't follow the "cool" things, set your own course and make life your own.

One last thing: People are put in your life for seasons. Just as the seasons change faithfully every year- so too will your group of friends. Things change for a reason- and we might never understand why, but value those people for the times you get have them in your life and be thankful for them. Many will come and many will go, select few will make it through more than a couple of seasons with you. So invest fully and wholeheartedly in your season changers, because they are doing the same for you.

Life as of Late

A simple Tuesday post. I promise to keep it short. Well, maybe a little long but not nearly as long as they normally are!

It is crazy to think how fast time flies and how quick changes come. To sit back and look at my shamble of a life 8ish months ago really perplexes me. God has brought me so far. I coined a phrase today- that didnt come out like I wanted it to- but it stuck- so now, I will share it with you. "Sometimes you have to go through the crap to get to the cupcake". Thank goodness I didnt say eat a lot of crap... but if you really break it down- sometimes you might have to eat your words- or better yet be left with only those words that you left to ring in someone's ear and prick at their heart when they think of you. And sometimes- you have to wallow in a bunch of straight up crap and smell like a pig- to be able to one day close your eyes with the biggest icing lined smile- and say all of that was so worth this.

As I was having a weekly talk with one of my very best friends- she reminded me of how far I have come. So. Far. From a helpless wasting away miserable thing just taking up space- to a smiling beaming and happy friend again. The thing that has most changed? My perspective. I see the world through a brand new set of eyes (I really wish I could do this without contacts!).

I want to share some really cool verses with you that I hope touch your heart like they did mine. My other half had some BIG lifechanging interviews the past week and yesterday and I can tell you that they were bathed in prayer-and there were a lot of nerves surrounding them. Yesterday- I truly trusted that God was in control and that if he wanted this for Kevin, then it would happen. The moment I saw Kevin I shared this verse I found: "Surely the righteous will never be shaken; they will be remembered forever. They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord. Shouldnt be scared of it. Trusting in the Lord. Only when you truly find yourself saying "Ok- God really does have it" is when you experience true trust.


Later that evening (last night) as we were about to head to dinner, the phone rang and I heard every word. I just want to congratulate you on your Promotion to Corporal...

If you couldve seen the excitement in both of our eyes, you wouldve thought we had just won a free trip or something. When doubt fills our mind- that is when we fail. When we hold fast to the notion that God does want good things for us- and in HIS due time will the come to be- we get to experience blessings.

This is a huge change for Kevin. Something he has prayed long and hard about- since before I came into the picture. This is part of his goals. It is so exciting to share in someone's happiness and experience God's blessings for them. God reminded me of Malachi 3:10- about pouring out so many blessings that they couldnt be contained. Verily Verily unto you today I say- that the storehouse has been opened and blessings are over flowing!

Remember these things: Those desires to succeed are not man made, but Creator made. You will have to work hard- but rest assured that you will be blessed if you trust the Lord. Not yourself. not money. Not wealth, fame, or your last name. Trust God. and he will bring it about-In His's time.

Wait for it....

It doesn't happen often. In fact, it has happened once in the past 6 years- and didn't happen before than since I was in highschool- no wait since sophomore year of college- then highschool. What am I talking about? Family vacation. Sit back and learn what it is like to be the only child (27) and go on vacation with your parents (68 and 54).

Destination: Charleston, SC Duration:2.5 days (trust me- that is enough)

If you have ever rode with my deddy, you know that it is standard protocol to check your pants on the assigned bathroom break to see if you did indeed poop in your pants from his driving antics. The OH CRAP handle gets used more than once, as well as the passenger side brakes (your cars don't have these?). My momma refuses to sit up front because of the wild stunts White Cosby pulls. Either he is an adrenaline junkie or is completely oblivious to oncoming traffic. But, I am more than happy to ride shotgun with White Cos. On the way up we listened to my ipod loaded with lots of classic rock and roll and some rhythm and blues. I made my parents guess who sang the songs. I must say my mom only got 1 wrong. Well, technically, she got it right, but was referring to the band that covered the song, not the original. White Cos knows the words to all these songs, but wasn't as quick to the draw as momma. The trip up wasnt bad at all. Only 1 minor argument before we left Milledgeville, so I dont really count that.

We had dinner at the Crab shack somewhere near our hotel. It was nice to just sit and talk to my parents. I dont get to do that very often when we are home- because 1 of 2 things is happening: both arent in the same place at the same time and- if Mowgli is present- I dont exist. So- we had some long serious talks about my present life and future life. No one got mad and we agreed on a lot of things- mark that down in the history books. 

For the record, let me just say I booked a sweet hotel on expedia. Holiday Inn and Suites in North Charleston- you won't be disappointed. We went back and watched a few hours of the movie story and had solemn conversations. Off to bed with my lime green ear plugs my mom brought for me- since BOTH my parent's snores could wake up the dead. 

Saturday- oh how busy I kept them. We took a bus tour around Charleston and it was really good information- but too quick to snatch a lot of pics. I took some that I will have to post later. After the bus tour, we headed to Ft. Sumter by Ferry. This was an exciting trip for my dad and I- as one of our distant relatives was involved in the first firings of the CIVIL WAR. You get that? The first shots. It was really cool to step back into history and know that my family had ties on this pretty small island and inlet. 

The one thing that all three of us have in common is that we all have a love for history. My mom and I have been on many a house tour and my dad has taken me a lot of places involved with our family (cue West Virginia trip over Thanksgiving break in college). Everyone loves to look at things from different eras and learn how life was back then. It was cool to see my dad get excited about reading some of the stuff on the island. We even found a picture of our distant relative on the wall. Pics posted later. 

Lunch at Sticky Fingers- which is quickly becomming a favorite of mine- then off to the next tour. When you are 27- you can go and go and go. When you are the parents to a 27 year old...your get up and go has left the building. So, after begging to go to this place- we made it there as they were closing. BUT- it was most assuredly the highlight of the trip for me. Middleton Place- America's largest landscapped garden. One thing my dad and I share is a LOVE for a pretty yard. I didnt get the green thumb gene (was blessed with the black thumb, because everything dies when I mess with it)- but my dad mustve gotten the green hand gene because our yard is spectacular in the spring. This place- was just garden after garden of amazing use of space. If I had the nerve to do it- Kevin Pope and I would be getting married here. It is a photographer's DREAM.  We just walked the old plantation and took lots of pics and read lots of information about each space. Beautiful doens't begin to describe it. More pics later.

Wait- I am forgetting the LOVELY time we had with the brand spankin new GPS Garmin Nuvi I gave to my dad for Christmas. Lemme just say: White Cosby didnt quite get the jist of following comands from that thing. We made A LOT OF wrong turns and turnarounds.. insert a few arguments here.

We then headed to waffle house for dinner- so exciting right? At this point we were so tired and hot and GROSS I didnt care about eating. One major argument here and it was a bad one, but I did feel bad about it and apologize. Off to bed then off to the beach Sunday morning.

The beach was a nice relaxing time. Everyone just chilled and kept to themselves because I think we were all still asleep at 9am when we got there. Folly Beach is a nice beach. Go early before all the crowd gets there. Lunch at the crab shack again- this time crab legs and it was a really good lunch. No one talked. Not that that makes it good, but the food was way better this time. Tanger outlets for a few hours- then home.

Oh glorious home. The best part of vacation: leaving to go somewhere. The worst part: the ride home. More so the last hour and a half of the trip. Home so close you can taste it, but so far you are going to die if you dont get out of the car. A few major arguments, I apologized again, and some near crash calls because of the need to pass a slow driver to be faced with a transfer truck coming at you!

This is already longer than I intended- so I will wrap it up. I am glad that my family had the opportunity to spend some much needed time together. More pics posted later.

Late night heavy heart

 I know I said I would post about my family vacation yesterday, but I am lazy and this topic will not let me rest until I get it out of my head and off of my chest and in to written form. 


My facebook status says "In light of recent events and news headlines from today, one thing I can't help but think: You can have all this world, but give me Jesus." This is an ah-mazing song by Jeremy Camp that I find true joy in singing. At the top of my lungs. When I really sit and think about all the evil that has manifested itself in our society and how things have gone really wrong- I find that all I want to do is cling to Jesus. The things of this world will soon pass away- yet what are we left with? I know that I will be left with Christ. A sinless Savior who saw all of this crap from a throne on high- and chose to come down here and get rid of all the wrong in me so that I could experience true life and live for a purpose. The headlines just keep coming with more and more things that makes my heart uneasy. This is not going to be a political post. It isnt my "viewpoint" or things I support that I am afraid of saying - because I know what I believe and why I believe it- and it has nothing to do with a "party". I am not the best at politics because I honestly don't watch enough tv to know what the heck is going on. This post is SO much more than that. I hope the way I write it makes sense. I am not trying to offend you, if you read this and it strikes a cord in your thoughts- then it has served its purpose to engage your thinking past what is presented to you in the media and the world around you.


 My heart breaks for where this country is today. We are so caught up in all the wrong things as a society that we forfeit the things that matter- the ones that really have bearing and lasting impressions- to hold on to things that are not going anywhere. 


There has got to be something more, Sugarland brought that line to us. There honestly has to. Oh I wish our country could have this merky veil lifted from its eyes to see that all of this is not it. All of these things are nothing happy- They bring hurt and anger and a whole slew of other emotions.


I can tell you what it is though: It is Christ. It is Jesus. If you hold to the notion that more of Jesus is the last thing this country needs- oh I am positive that you are more in the wrong that you could ever be in the right. I honestly cant put in to words what I am feeling right now. I have so so much to say- but the words wont form. I stood at my sink in the bathroom for over an hour just thinking about how my heart hurts for the lost and the confused- and the wronged and the broken- and the inconsiderate and evil- and the ones who make it a point to be the center of attention at all the wrong times- and for those who have said hateful words or made it a point to discontinue friendships and ties with people- and for those who just dont know the truth. These are a few of the thoughts that keep playing in my mind:


As it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgement (KJV) Just as people are destined to die once, and after that to face judgement (NIV) Hebrews 9:27 One life. One death. It really is YOLO- and that is biblical, maybe with a ghetto tweak, but read that verse again and know that this is it. You only get one life.  And then you will face your Creator- whether you believe in him or not- and be judged for the life you have lived. Praise God that he is the judge and we are not- because we don't know the true essence of grace (getting what you dont deserve)


^{1 Kings 8:46-51} “When they sin against you—for there is no one who does not sin —and you become angry with them and give them over to their enemies, who take them captive to their own lands, far away or near; ⁴⁷ and if they have a change of heart in the land where they are held captive, and repent and plead with you in the land of their captors and say, ‘We have sinned, we have done wrong, we have acted wickedly’; ⁴⁸ and if they turn back to you with all their heart and soul in the land of their enemies who took them captive, and pray to you ... ⁴⁹ then from heaven, your dwelling place, hear their prayer and their plea, and uphold their cause. ⁵⁰ And forgive your people, who have sinned against you; forgive all the offenses they have committed against you, and cause their captors to show them mercy;⁵¹ for they are your people and your inheritance...


Those verses speak for themselves. We have got to change. We have to repent and plead with God. We have to turn back- turn our eyes from evil things- cast down our idols. And Pray. Seems so simple, but it is evident that our country isnt doing this enough. 


Isaiah 30:18 Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!


God will bring compassion- and justice- and blessings-if we go seek him. 


Psalm 33:12 Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD, the people he chose for his inheritance. 
You want things to be different in this country and have headlines and news stories that create a sense of community and love and happiness? Then I suggest we get some God up in here. Right now. This nation's god is not God. It is time we changed that. This nation will never be blessed until we do.

Pray all the more gladly

I know some of you are sitting on the edge of your seat waiting for a blog about my recent family vacation. Hold on to your britches, it will be posted after this one. I just felt the need to talk about this first- and I need to get my pictures in order for the other blog.

What would your answer be to the question "Do you pray for people?" Hold on- before you are quick to pull the trigger with a "of course I do, I pray for people all the time"- really think about who you are praying for. In the wake of this movie massacre in Aurora Colorado, I have found myself praying for people a lot differently than I normally pray. My heart goes out to this community and all of the people involved. I tear up every time one of the family members of the deceased speaks on tv. My prayers have been specific- and included someone I wouldn't normally have initially prayed for. The shooter/killer. I have prayed that somehow through all of this- he would be the first to find Jesus. That isnt me folks- trust me. God has brought me so far in the past few years to really learn about who He is and why everyone EVERYone needs Him.

When I try and wrap my mind around why this person would do such an awful thing- I am quickly reminded that everyone, despite the sin, needs forgiveness and needs to know that a Savior loves them more than anything. I dont know his "motive", but I do know that his heart was hardened and his mind was controlled by the enemy. That is why it happened. Satan's lies filled his head and it got to the point where he believed it. Oh my heart hurts for these people in Colorado. To the families burrying their young 20 year olds who were just coming into the peak of their lives to the sweet little 1st grader who was really just starting that innocent time period of her childhood- to the servicemen who volunteered to defend this country's and my individual freedom who never thought their battlefield would be a movie theater and not a foreign country- to the sweet guy who was going to celebrate his 1 year anniversary on Sunday- and to the rest of the lost- my heart is at a loss for words for these families.

I have prayed for these people that God would bring comfort and healing quickly. I have prayed for this strange and delussional killer, that God would have mercy on his soul- and that this guy would find grace and forgiveness.

I searched "thankful" on biblegateway.com this morning, because I have a lot to be thankful for- and sometimes I dont give God the glory for it. My heart is thankful, but my actions dont add up to that. Those secret sins get me everytime. Oh I pray over them- but for some reason- I give in again. This morning the verse I found was very profound. 

 First of all, I ask you to pray for everyone. Ask God to help and bless them all, and tell God how thankful you are for each of them. Pray for kings and others in power, so that we may live quiet and peaceful lives as we worship and honor God. This kind of prayer is good, and it pleases God our Savior. (1 Timothy 2:1-3 CEV)

Oh the sting of conviction. Everyone. Ask God to help & bless them all. (help him?- yes- he does need help but I think it is a little too late. blessings- you are kidding right?) not some of them, not the ones we like- all of them- including people who do wrong to us and others) How thankful you are for them (God I am not thankful for this right now- really?). Pray for kings and others in power (so often I put down our President and others in authority because their agenda doesnt match up with my beliefs- yet here I am commanded to pray for them). This prayer is good- pleases God. (How so it must bless God when we humble ourselves and pray for people that we don't necessarily like or agree with- what a true testament of a firm believer that grace is abounding and the more we share it, the more we are pleasing God).

I hope that when you read those verses you feel the same sting I felt. The conviction that you need to pray for people- and the people who we deem as not human. Pray for people. Really really pray for them- and not just a mention of their name to God- a deep prayer for blessings for them- even when we think they deserve a whole lot less. You and I don't deserve help or blessings- but God sees fit to show us mercy anyway (YET while we were still sinners..). Thankfully- you and I arent in the blessing business- because we would've went under a long time ago.

Keep your coins, I just want change

Change is the essence of dealing with life. We learn to adapt in different situations, move forward to better ourselves and our circumstances, and make decisions that cause life altering effects.

Change is never easy. Is is also never the first thing we gravitate to. We get stuck in our comfort bubbles- sometimes they are more like igloos because we have shut out change for a while- and we refuse to make any changes to where we are in life. Sometimes even- we know that there has to be changes made in order for life to go on, yet we are still resistant to it.

Why does it hurt so bad- even when we know that is the best choice? Why do we resist it? I can't speak for you, but I can tell you my "change" story.

It is really hard to admit that you I dont have all the answers- even more so to admit that you  arent I am not  as awesome as you I think you are I am. Oh how change hurts. Hurts to the core. Shakes your soul and rattles your very being when you say "ok, something's gotta give."

Sometimes More often than I would like to admit I make really rash decsions. I decide this is how it is going to be and I have to do it NOW in order to be happy. This attitude never gets me very far. It usually comes around and bites me in the butt when I do this. e.g. like spending my money on materials instead of saving or here's a bright idea: paying bills.

There are times when your definition of change doesnt match up to how the change should take place in your life. i.e. changing your hair color because you need some change in your life. I was SO guilty of this in college. Every semester I had a new cut and color. Every semester. Until my junior year summer. I realized that no matter what color my hair was, I was still a loud speak your mind laugh out loud at the wrong times girl. If I needed change so much, I was going to have to dig into the character wardrobe and don on some new attitiudes if I wanted to be different. Im not knocking hair coloring- trust me I think it is awesome, and sometimes it gives a temporary change that is an awesome feeling- but not the kind of change Im talking about :)

Sometimes we have to have change to just breathe. A dear friend of me told me a few weeks ago "If nothing changes- nothing changes." Sounds like a crazy saying- but think about it. If you arent willing to give up somethings- your situation will be exactly the same as what is is now. No differences. Nothing new. Same old same old. In order to live life to its fullest and brightest capacity- you have to make some changes in your life.

Sometimes that is severing friendships that you have had for extended periods of time because you realize you dont and wont ever see eye to eye in this relationship. Maybe it is a new job- or new adventure in life. Other times change might come in the form of your my stone cold heart being chipped away to allow others in and goodness to flow out.

Change hurts. If it didnt- we would have no need for therapists, counselors, mentors, and friends. But- sometimes that hurt and the fear of the unknown is what drives us to pursue that change. And in the end result- we see that although it hurts, it was for our best that we had to go through with it.

Dont know where to start but know you desperately need change in your life and in your heart? I encourage you to turn to Ephesians 4:23: (CEV) Let the Spirit change your way of thinking. You won't be able to do this on your own- trust me. And if you do decide you got this- Rest assured you dont.

I have made some major changes in my life in the past few months, weeks, and even yesterday. Changes that hurt and made me cry- question everything I know- and really cherish memories. And you know what- I'm still here. Though I thought some things wouldve shouldve killed me- it didnt. Because change is part of life. I hope you make the changes you need to make to be the best you were created to be.