Someone you know needs to hear this

I'm just going to say it. A lot of friends and people we know are going through the process of  the "d" word.  It is really overwhelming for me as a newlywed to see so many marriages around me failing. Kevin and I sat at dinner the other night and prayed specifically for 3 sets of couples that we know. 

Some of these- oh a "d" word is the best thing for them. No one deserves to be slapped around, yelled at and cornered- or lied to and continually put down. There is no place for any of that in a marriage.

Relationships that are strained need 3 things- in my personal opinion. I know that I am not a Counselor, but I do know that these have been essential to us during our engagement, and even more so now that we are married.

Communication- If you don't talk about it- the person doesn't know about it. Allow time to talk- openly and freely and learn to understand that words can truly determine how the rest of the day is going to go. Be a Barnabas- and encourage each other. Use words to build them up and not tear them down. (Ephesians 4:29)
Use the utensil model to determine what kind of person you want to be. A knife, a fork or a spoon. A knife is used to tear apart things. Are the words and actions you choose tearing people apart and ruining them? A fork pierces and pokes. Are you continually playing on weaknesses and poking fun or making them feel like less of a person? Forks also have holes. Are you choosing to allow somethings to disappear in your life that you don't want the other to know about? Or do you choose to be the spoon? Spoons cradle and support. Spoons are the only utensil that can be used to scrape up the pieces and put them all together. Are you supporting your significant other and always there for them- using words and actions that hold them together?

Forgiveness- If you are a christian, then you should know the whole premise of our faith is built on forgiveness. Christ did the ultimate forgiveness and took on our shame and sins- and gave us new life. We should find it in our hearts to learn to look to the cross and model forgiveness after Christ. Forgiveness is NOT EASY. If it was easy, man the world be be a better place. I would encourage those who are hurt from others to seek out christian counseling so you can learn to forgive. Harboring bitterness doesn't hurt the person you are mad with- it hurts you and only you. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and financially.

 I am a true testament that once you allow forgiveness to flow through, you can be made new again. Take my last year for example. I was so angry and hurt that I lost a lot of weight, had my hair start falling out and made my iron bottom out- as well as my credit card debt was significantly increased. Once I came to terms with my life- and forgave- I started to get better- and I have no credit card debt anymore. It is hard- but it is so worth it. Only God can create this peace in you- don't look for it any where than in the arms of Christ.

Restoration- This part is hard too. This is a process and will take an undetermined amount of time for each person. It is vital to any part of healing you want to take part in. Know this: Just as only we can learn forgiveness from Jesus, we can only be restored by God. Nothing else on this earth can fill this void. We can fill it with doughnuts- or the gym. You can put other people in there to "fix" you- or you can shut out the world. You can also give up- or you can give in. No matter what  earthly thing you choose- the only way you can be restored is through God working in and out of you.

 If your relationship is failing- (and more so to the account that you/your other said "I just don't love you anymore) I would encourage you to get in the Word, pray often, seek out christian counseling- and to participate in The Love Dare. It is a book that goes along with the movie, Fireproof. If you have never seen it, you need to watch it. The Love Dare challenges all things society says about "Imma do Me" and teaches you how to put your significant other before your needs and wants.
Even if your relationship isn't failing, you need to see this movie.

God can and will take all of the brokenness and hurt- the shame and the lies- the moments of desperation and the moments of defeat- and turn it into something beautiful. It may not come as quickly as you want, but if you hold on to the promise that God is faithful to those who call out to him and believe in his son- he is and will be at work around you. Ecclesiastes 3:11- He has made everything beautiful in its time. Your time is coming- turn it over to God and allow him to start the healing process.

As I close, know that I am not judging you for your situation. I would welcome any opportunity to pray for and encourage you if you wanted it. If you need more of a pick-me up than my humble words, I hope you listen to these songs and find some strength and peace. 

The Sovereignty of God vs. The Frailty of Man

It is amazing how much you can learn when you truly allow yourself to see things from God's perspective than your own. One thing that I think I could say that I have learned as of late- is that no matter what is going on in this world, your own personal life, or just in general- God is still in control.

I can find comfort in this. It has been a hard road for me to get to this point- but I know I had to learn this through a lot of difficult, uncertain, and confusing parts of my life.

Let me give you some definitions for you to better understand this.(Dictionary.com provided these)

Sovereignty: -the quality or state of being sovereign -the status, dominion, power, or authority of a sovereign; royalty.
-supreme and independent power or authority in government as possessed or claimed by a state or community.
-of God, his absolute right to do all things according to his own good pleasure

Sovereign -a person who has sovereign power or authority.
-a group or body of persons or a state having sovereign authority.
-having supreme rank, power, or authority.
-being above all others in character, importance, excellence, etc.
When I say this word- It is what I consider to be a "Big" word. There is power in it. God is sovereign- he is the highest ruler- he is above all others. Sovereign. It almost sounds like "So forever reign". And that is what it is really. Hold on to that thought.

Frailty: - moral weakness; liability to yield to temptation.
-a fault resulting from moral weakness: frailties of the human flesh

Weakness. Ever felt weak in your life? Think outside of the gym, not the box. Moral weakness. You gave in- you caved- you were broken.

Now piece them together:

The absolute right of God to be in control versus the times you are weak and give in, or the times when you just don't see a reason behind why you continue to do the things you know you should not do.

God's sovereignty far out weights our frailty. We are weak. We have faults.  We sometimes make decisions that do not just effect us, but others around us, and sometimes these choices has lasting consequences that we don't realize at the time.


You and I will always have the concept of frailty present in our lives. We are not Christ, therefore we are not perfect. We will mess up. We will make mistakes that don't seem that big of a deal at the time, and realize later on down the road, we could have done things differently.

But- we can have the peace that we are not defined by our mess ups- or the messups of others. Christ came to take away all of that- and to teach us that God is God- not man and he will be in control- regardless of what we try to do.

Sometimes, I think people confuse God's sovereignty with his holiness. The two are linked, but not the same. Sovereignty means God is in control. "He knows the plans he has for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"- Jeremiah 21:11 He has those plans yes, and he will remain in control, regardless of your decision to follow them.

Holiness- is something we are commanded to be multiple times throughout the word of God. This is a major theme in Leviticus- said multiple times. Paul calls us God's holy people when discussing how we should conduct our lives (Ephesians 5:3). Peter says "As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance.  But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.” (1 Peter 1:14-16),which is a direct reference back to parts in Leviticus 11:44,45; 19:2.


Get a hold of this now. We are called to be holy- that is our resolution to allow God to be manifest (to be obvious, to prove, make clear or evident) in our lives. For him to be so apparent that something in us is different- that it is real, attainable, and others can see it in us. We are not holy on our own, Christ blood is what gives us the opportunity to enter in "to the holy of holies" and be transformed by God working in our lives.

We are not called to be sovereign. Only God can hold that position. God is in control- always has been, always is, and always will be. You and I have no affect on this. We are not in control. As much as I would like to think I am, I fall short of this every time. I like order. I like to be in charge. Not so much the dictator, but I just am wired where I like to know what is going on.
 As many leaders and others that have gone before us, or are among us trying to be that one thing that controls everything- it just doesn't work. I look at the condition of this world that we are in, and the only thing that gives me comfort is- God is Sovereign.

God is sovereign in the times when we are at our lowest; when we feel like our country is surely bound for destruction; when we can't wrap our human minds around the evil that is present in our world; and when we just don't understand.

God is sovereign in all of the good times as well.

So forever reign. In the midst of chaos surrounding, God will forever reign. God is sovereign, even when your frailty as a human seems to take control of your life. 

My New Talent

Can you guess it? I have made mention of things on here that I am not talented at, but I have reached the conclusion that I have found it. It wasn't anything I had to ask others opinion about. No one told me about it. 

No- making big hair bows and tulley tutus is not it. Haha- no not crafting. Not decorating either. Not drawing or sketching, like I once thought when I was little. It is not even cooking like my momma wishes it would be. It is not talking-as I have felt since Junior year of college- nope that is not the big daddy of them. It isn't makeup artistry either. Nope- it isn't being healthy either. Guess again. There are some things that I am ok/good/average/enough to get by at, but this one thing keeps coming up as being a success. Not to brag- I don't even have to try that hard, and it always works.

It just came up one day- out of the blue I guess. No- wait. It has always been present, I guess I just finally realized it the other day. 
Finally revealing itself to me- and I must say, I was astonished. At first I thought, no, this can't be it, but the more I tried, oh the better I did get at it. And have gotten at it. And now I am confident of it. There is no denying it.

Think you have the right guess? Here it is- come close-
Letdowns. Disappointment. Bomb. Fiasco. Disaster. Botch. Catastrophe. Failure.

Yes- I am 100% successful at failing or ruining things all of the time. Here is the recap of the week:

Saturday-Hiking- fall on a large rock, now have large ugly nasty abrasion that will leave an even prettier scar
Sunday- not choosing the right words with people, strained relationships
food poisoning- get to goal weight, then blow it out of the water by eating enough sweets (Monday and Tuesday) to send a diabetic into a coma. For a week.
Tuesday- softball. Oh glorious softball. No hits, complete embarrassment. Pay money to improve hitting- don't make contact one time. Out of 4 tries.
Wednesday- Send out email for work, get a few heated ones back about is this really my job and that I should be educating our students, not creating insecurities in them.
No workouts and no eating healthy this week. Awesome. I had peanut butter m&ms for dinner last night (but that is solely justified since I took myself to the movies alone). And for breakfast this morning. No justification there.

You see? I don't know why I didn't see it before, but now I do, plain as day. Count on me to mess it up. Count on me to not come through.
I have a lot of flaws, a lot. I have a lot of learning to do. I also have to remind myself that this too shall pass. Proverbs 24:16 "for though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again," I have had my seven times, maybe more this week. But I can't stop there. The end of that verse says they rise again. The Falcons aren't the only ones who will be rising up this year.
Your true character is who you are when no one is watching. I am certainly going to try and live my life as though others are watching- and rise above my failures and not let them define me.

You haven't seen the last of me Failure Fairy. Sprinkle those mistakes somewhere else. No, you just bring them on, and I will break the wings that you rode in on.

The Words That You Said

..still ring in my head....I'm not ready to make nice, I'm not ready to back down.."

That is the song that put the Dixie Chicks up for a Grammy in 2007 I believe. They won that year. Took home one of the highest coveted awards for music entertainment. I have that cd. This cd was their response for speaking out about what they believed in, and not backing down. This was when all the stuff between them and Toby Keith got started, because of remarks made about the war and Bush- and how Natalie's had her life threatened from a fan "telling her to shut up and sing or her life would be over".

Now, I can't relate to having my life threatened. But I can identify with the other words in this song. It seems here lately that the words that I have said/written have been offensive to some people who read them and I have been called a few choice names the past few weeks. Let me say this with complete honesty and truth: this blog and the postings on it have NO intention to cause discord and strife for people who read it. If you really read it, like really read the postings, you will see this is all about my short comings and failures as a person- not anyone else's. It isn't meant to cause harm, make you mad, defriend me, or upset you. I honestly mean that- and if it has for any reason, I apologize, because I don't mean to upset you.

Now I will admit that I can be extremely brash sometimes and maybe I shouldn't put my complete feelings out in the open. I will agree with that. I know the type of personality I have- and sometimes I can just come across as a ______. I get that, you aren't the first person to tell me that. But when I post about struggling and feeling helpless, it isn't anything but my feelings. I am not projecting them on anyone, I am not asking you to feel sorry for me. I am just writing. If you read this- that is awesome. If you don't read my blog, trust me, the world isn't going to end.

With that being said, I don't want to write about things that don't matter. I don't want to invest time into things that are going no where. So, if you have been following, I hope to learn the true meaning of what a secret really is, how to not always speak out about things, how to truly listen, and how to just explore the introverted lifestyle. Yes a lot of my posts have been in the negative category- I'm not asking you to feel sorry for me again. I have just had a rough start to 2012. I am human- I am a refinement in process. I do make mistakes, huge wreckless mistakes. Sometimes I say things without thinking of how they will be read or interpreted. Sometimes I feel like life would be just fine without me here to mess it up. Sometimes I hurt too. I am sorry, truly to the utmost, apologetic if these words have made you question any part of my character, our friendship, and just me as a person in general.

Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.


I clearly have not lived up to this verse if you have been offended from anything I have posted, and I am sorry. I want to build you up- not tear you down. A spoon not a fork or a knife.

Even the best intentions fall

Yesterday was supposed to be the highlight of my job. It normally is the biggest event I am in charge of for my job. Normally- but that wasn't the case yesterday. Per my Dean's request, I was strongly guilted encouraged to have my Health Fair at the new Wellness and Recreation Center. This sounds all fine well and good- but I knew better. My health fair normally draws at least 300 people through from Magnolia Ballroom. Yesterday- MAYbe 65, probably closer to 50. But that wasn't the only thing that failed:

#1 I got here early to set up- none of my tables I requested were here. How do you have a health fair without tables for the vendors?? So that made me look like an idiot.
#2 Two vendors contacted me that MORNING to let me know they weren't coming. Three more just didn't even show up.
#3 The Health Fair is my baby. I am completely in charge of everything- except the Nurse Practitioner students. My boss deals with that. Well, my boss didn't show up until 9 something. So freak out. But I guess she trusts me more than I trust myself.
#4 Not only did hardly anyone come, but not a lot of people even knew about it. Awesome. Thanks Communications!

So overall, I feel as if it was one of the worst health fairs I have ever conducted. The food was really good though, so I guess that counts for something.

If you know me well, you know that I am super attentive to details. A lot of people call me a perfectionist. Some people say I am OCD. I don't know if I necessarily agree with the perfectionist part, but I like things to be in order and when they aren't I kind of lose it. I try to do things that are neat and organized and look like a lot of time was put into them. When these things fail, it honestly ruins everything in me. I feel like a failure and hate that I have disappointed my own expectations. Yesterday was one of those days.

I guess I shouldn't be so hard on myself or do something where I remind myself that things are going to mess up. The other day my work crew was talking about my "expectations" in people (guys) and my GA said that my expectations were way above outer space and no one will ever live up to them. Everyone laughed, but honestly, it is the truth. BUT- I have to think back and say- well if I don't have high expectations, I will settle for things that are mediocre and not really that great.

"If you fail to plan, plan to fail."- that is kinda the mantra/motto for health promotions. Seriously, the whole essence of the job is planning. I think I am going to start planning with a new direction. Plan in messups. Not so much as planning for failure- but allowing room for error. I don't always see this aspect, but I think if I could plan this way, I think a lot of things would change. Not just in my job.

Neighbors

What do all of these verses have in common?
Leviticus 19:18   Zechariah 8:17   Matthew 19:19   Matthew 22:3   Mark 12:31

Luke 10:27  Romans 13:9  Galatians 5:14  James 2:8

They are commandments to love our neighbors as our self. That is NINE verses that tell us to love our neighbors as you love yourself. It must be pretty important, to be mentioned 9 times. I don't know if you struggle with this, but I do. Neighbor: not just those living in close proximity to you, but those who are around you.

I prayed desperately for a new place to live this summer, and God listened and provided a nice townhouse. What I didn't remember to pray for was good neighbors. I have a really good neighbor to the right of me, 1 good one down a few doors to the right and 3 really crappy ones to the left of me. That is all I know in the complex. The 3 next to me- boil my blood to a new level. I have called the cops on them multiple times, still nothing changes.

I was reminded of the essence of these verses last night as I was about to call the cops. Granted, it was just their music that was blarring, but it started at 930pm and lasted til 12am. I can honestly say I can not STAND these 3 people next to me. They are going no where in life, at all, but- God still says I should love them. Loving and liking people are 2 different things, and I hope you realize that.

I want to live my life as if these verses were made alive in me. Too often we read the Word and don't really listen to the Lord as he speaks them to us. Loving people different from yourself is hard- they fail us, they make us uncomfortable, they take advantage of us, they don't respect you, and they certainly seek for the betterment of themselves than consider someone else in the process. But heres the thing: I was once there at one time in my life too. As Christians, we are set apart and called to a higher standard than those who have not found the Lord yet. One of the biggest errors on our part is forgetting that had it not been for grace, we would still be of this world. I want to meet people where they are. Remind me in my heart God, that your blanket of grace is big enough to cover the people that I stuggle with loving. Show me how to love (not the Lil' Wayne version- the Jesus Christ love version). I hope you choose to love the people, your neighbors, that you come into contact with this week.

Plans & that whole "bigger and better" thing

Last night I had the privilege to speak to the BCM as I told you yesterday. It was really exciting to be back in my old "college stomping grounds". BSU, as it was when I was there was my safe haven. I was literally there almost everyday of the week. Most of my friends from college I met here and I went on a lot of mission trips with this ministry. I will be forever grateful for my time spent there.

I prayed about what to talk about for a while, because I didnt want to 1) talk about something not relevant to the students and 2) not cry about my recent circumstances in front of anyone else. I prayed and prayed and God showed me what to talk about.

I talked about how we make plans and so many times our plans FAIL. I told these students of the time when God changed my heart in my Jr year of college to quit thinking I was going to be a Medical  Missionary in a hut in Africa. I was going to be a nurse and that is all I knew. I got rejected from Nursing school 3 times, 2 from GCSU and 1 from Medical College of Ga. I was still bound and determined to be a nurse. God had something different in mind.

I went to a conference for BSUs from Tn, GA, SC and AL in Chattanooga TN in February sometime of 2005. I went to this missions breakout session and was ready to hear what it meant to be a missionary. The man was talking and it was really cool, then someone asked about "What about Medical Missions? I want to be a nurse and do medical missions." and right then and there I sat up straighter and was like yeah, what about them. I knew it was going to be awesome whatever he said. He said something to the effect of "Medical missions are great, but a lot of countries are closed to medicine coming in. You cant even take Tylenol into some countries. So, I really just need people who are willing to just talk and build relationships with people, teach them a sport, hang out with them and just get to know them. Nothing big, but just talking to people". I could feel the presence of the Lord more strongly than I had before.

I thought to myself "this is not happening, what? God, that is the only thing I am good at- talking. What are you trying to say to me? NO! I wont have it. Medical Missions bring back  my focus. Medical Missions Medical Missions." The whole time this man was talking, I swear it felt like he was looking directly at me. Serious. I was the only one in the room and there were at least 100 people in there. He went on talking about building relationships with people and becomming friends with them was what the mission field needed. The whole time I could feel something that I honestly cant explain. It was just something of bearing and thickness pressing down on my spirit. I know it was the Holy Spirit saying, your plans are great, but God has something so much more for you". By the end of the session, I said, OK God, I hear ya, Im going to change my major (it was my jr year keep that in mind, but I had been taking these Health Education classes just til I got into nursing school..) I went out of that seminar a different person. I knew I was going to change my major come Monday and I knew without a shadow of doubt that God was telling me that this is what he wanted for me. I found one of my friends from school and told them "Im changing my major when we get back" they were like, ok thats cool..not really into it you know?

I remember going and sitting in a chair and just praying, ok God, if this is really what you want, make it real. Make it happen. My friend that I told must have went and told my Best Friend Ashley Strickland during this time. I walk back to our hotel room a little while later and Im just hanging out in the room and Ashley BURSTS in the door and comes up to me and says "I heard you were changing your major" and I said "yeah how did you hear that so quickly?" and she says "I have been praying all weekend for you to change your major because I knew that is not what God wanted for you."

Stop. The. Bus. WHAT? I looked at her with some kind of crazy eye and she said I have been praying God would do something to change your mind because I just knew nursing wasnt for you.

In that moment, God made it real. And I have never once looked back to being a nurse. Health Education is my passion and I get to use my gift of plain old talking to people and try and make a difference in their lives. God knows what he is doing.

I leave you with the verses I used last night. I hope you find some revelation and insight in them.
Jeremiah 29:11

Psalm 33: 10-11
Psalm 94:11
Proverbs 16: 1-4, 9
Philippians 4:6-8
Matthew 6:33

And about that bigger and better thing, I didn't think that was Biblical, but honestly it is, but so much more AWESOME the way the Bible explains it.
Ephesians 3:20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, (NIV)
Amplified Bible is for people who like emphasis- I love this version!
20Now to Him Who, by (in consequence of) the [action of His] power that is at work within us, is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think [infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams]--

WHOA! It is biblical. God fails our plans to draw us into His, because they are so much more than we could even DREAM up. I want the superabundantly. I want immeasurably more. And if I trust God's plans and not my own, I can't wait to see how this turns out!