The Dirty Thirt-een

13s are popping up all over my year this year- and I am hoping that my black cat bad luck doesn't win out. Maybe 2013 is going to be awesome this year. With that being said- here are my 13 goals- not so much resolutions- but 13 things I want to accomplish this year.

1. To make it a habit to get up and workout- not just for the wedding- at least 3 times a week. After the wedding, because right now it is pretty much everyday!

2. To read 13 books. This might sound lame, but I never read the Harry Potter books- but I have seen every movie- and LOVE them, so I want to take that challenge. After I finish this book Kevin asked me to read- Beyond the Badge.

3. To really get into my Bible like I did a long time ago and pick apart the word and really grasp what God is trying to teach me.

4. To pick back up my prayer journal and write out my prayers. I know I feel like I am much more in tune with staying focused when I write out my heart to God. Maybe this will allow me to get back on track with my life to have this piece consistent.

5. To invest in 13 people over the course of a year. I miss spending time with the youth girls I had and hope I can meet some new students at our new church. I also just want to find some new friends to hang out with.

6. To look the best I have ever looked on my wedding day. I only get one shot- and I will be danged I am not going to look back at my pictures and say- good grief why didn't I work out harder.

7. To make it a point to go to 13 different places this year. Whether in my state, region, or out of country- 13 new places.

8. To become a better crafter. I love my sewing machine- but I need to learn to use it to the fullest extent. I also need to organize my space in a way that is an environment that is inspiring. Let the decorating and organizing begin!

9. To pray for my fiance and when the time comes, my husband, specifically and intently. Not just a Please God bring him back home alive prayer, but prayers that will change his world, his being, and his mind. Prayers that he can have all the tools he needs to lead our family closer to the cross. Prayers that even when I am frustrated with him, that God would set him apart to do great and mighty things for the Lord. Prayers that give encouragement, light, and hope for when he is defeated. And most importantly, prayers that his relationship with the Lord would be far greater than any relationship he and I could ever have.

10. To walk my dogs at least 3 times a week. Seems easy to you- but you try walking The Calm, The Lazy, and The Crazy. One listens, one does not, and one refuses to walk or put on the collar. They just have to stay in "jail" all the time and I really need to make it a point to get them outside more.

11. To not live beyond my means. Up until October of last year- shopping was a HUGE part of me. I LOVE to shop. I love to shop for clothes. But- I told Kevin I wouldnt shop for clothes until Spring. I can honestly say- I didnt spend but $20 on myself for 3 months! I had to have a pair of shoes the day after Thanksgiving- but that is the only thing I bought for myself in THREE MONTHS. I dont think you realize how huge of a deal this is for me. It is quite epic honestly. I did break my rule and went shopping New Year's day because I had giftcards- and spent some money that wasnt on gift cards- but 2 dresses, 1 skirt, 3 shirts, and 2 pair of shoes for $50 counts as a win in my book. I will try and only go shopping when I have extra money- or a real need for something. It has been kind of interesting to see what outfits I can put together and repurpose. On with the thriftyness!

12. To have a better relationship with my family. Most importantly with my parents, but also to my extended family that is within an arm's reach. I need to visit more often and invest in my sweet cousins. I just need to come around more and not sit at home all the time.

13. The last one. I want to do something that is much greater than I can imagine. I do not yet know what this is, but I want to do experience something incredible. Set me up God, because your ways are better than mine.

There you have it folks. The dirty Thirt-een. Do you have a list? Make it happen.

817. 28. 2012-2013. 143652.

Let's play the number game ok? The above numbers represent a whole lot for this chick.

I decided to look up every verse with 8:17. Some of these did not fit too well for me-  venomous snakes that bite, some lineage, towers falling, bull intestines, and firstborn struck down..but I did find a few that have the potential to be really good verses for me this year.

Proverbs 8:17 "I love those who love me and those who seek me find me"- So this year- I will be more diligent in seeking out God and what he wants for me. Learning to LOVE God more- and move me out of the picture.

Ecclesiastes 8:17  then I saw all that God has done. No one can comprehend what goes on under the sun. Despite all their efforts to search it out, no one can discover its meaning. Even if the wise claim they know, they cannot really comprehend it.- Focus on giving God the glory, not the reasons behind it, just on the fact that he is in control. Understand that God is God and I am not. I don't need all the answers. I just need God.

Isaiah 8:17 I will wait for the Lord, who is hiding his face from the descendants of Jacob.

I will put my trust in him.- Trusting and waiting- 2 things I struggle with. Put my trust in the Lord this year- and not that of man. Believing that he really does have my best interest at heart.

Zechariah 8:17 do not plot evil against each other, and do not love to swear falsely. I hate all this,” declares the Lord.- Ohh. Love others for where they are- and encourage  instead of tear them down. Wish nothing but the best for others in this life. No bad thoughts, no injuiries, no paybacks, no karma. No lying, not even little white ones. Gulp.

Matthew 8:17 This was to fulfill what was spoken through the prophet Isaiah:“He took up our infirmities and bore our diseases.- So much more praise is in order for the man who bore all of this to save me.

Mark 8:17  Aware of their discussion, Jesus asked them: “Why are you talking about having no bread? Do you still not see or understand? Are your hearts hardened?- Is my heart hardened? Do I fully have faith in God- or only when things are good?

Luke 8:17 For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open.- Live a life that is blameless, turn from my sins and remind myself that even when I think no one sees, God knows- and knows the reasons why I do this. Do I want these things brought out in the open? If not, then I need to let Jesus clean it up.

Acts 8:17  Then Peter and John placed their hands on them, and they received the Holy Spirit.- Can I life a life that the Holy Spirit works through me like this? I want to.

Romans 8:17 "Now if we are children, then we are heirs —heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory".- Wait, is this really in there? Share in his sufferings. I am not sure what is ahead of me, but if for the cross I must take a stand, then I do so and trust God is going to remain at work even when it hurts. 

2 Corinthians 8:17 For Titus not only welcomed our appeal, but he is coming to you with much enthusiasm and on his own initiative.- Does my attitude bring people down or make them happier? Enthusiam is something I lack and need more of. I want to be a contagious person who lights up a room, not because of anything of me- but because of the light that Christ is shining through me. The right attitude changes everything.

So there it is. The 10 verses for the year 2012-2012 as I am 28.

When You Don't Know

If you read my post from last night, you should know what kind of mindset I have today. But- I say unto you, God is bigger than I understand, and infiltrates our lives when we least expect it- or want it.

I get up. I come to work. I just know I have a lot going on right now- that my brain is working overtime on things that I would really care not to think about. Through the encouragement of some friends, I have found that God still is at work, even when I think he is taking a day off. God isn't lazy like me, he never quits and never fails. The verses from yesterday, his compassions are new every morning was made true today.

I woke up to my daily verse from a coworker: Matthew 6:33 But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you. 
God hit me with his best shot to remind me that I am not seeking out his counsel for the things that are going on in my life. Seek God first- and everything else will fall into place. It will be given to you if it is in God's plans. Seek, Ask, Knock, dont just complain about it.

Another dear "friend"/family member/wonderful person in my life shared 2 Chronicles 20:12 with me. Funny, now that I write it out, this needs to be my verse for 2012, since everything that could go wrong has don' up and went wrong. The verse says "For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you." NIV) I read a couple of other translations and I think I like the Contemporary English Version: We won't stand a chance when this army attacks. We don't know what to do- we are begging for your help."

Think about that imagery. All the translations (NIV, NKJV, HCSB, Message, and CEV) say this in their respected orders: we have no power, no power, powerless, helpless, won't stand a chance

-against the-vast army, great multitude, vast number, vandal horde, army

- and all agree on this: we don't know what to do

BUT. And Praise God it is a BIG BUT! - our eyes are on you, our eyes are upon you, we look to you, we're looking to you, we are begging for your help.

In all of this stuff called life that is going on around me God, I am clueless- and I really don't stand a chance to make it on my own against the things that are attacking me (Financial, Emotional, Physical, Mental, Spiritual, Relational) BUT I am looking to you for answers. My eyes are on you, direct my path the way you would want me to go. I am looking to you for your provision.

Pair Zephaniah 3:17 again with this, and be reminded God is a Mighty Warrior. He can handle the heat when we can't. It is when we realize we really don't have all the answers that God says ok, finally- now let me get to work, because I made everything and I dang sure can fix it. Have a little faith.

It is ok to not know what to do. It is more important to keep your eyes fixed on God.

In the Middle of My Madness

Yesterday evening I went and visited my parents. I don't spend near as much time as I should with them, so I decided just to go hang out for a while. My dad and I talked about a few things, then I went and watched the news. I was quickly reminded why I quit watching the news; there was nothing positive on it. My heart broke for the civilians killed in Afghanistan by the deranged American soldier. The conflict in Syria is overwhelming. So as I sat and watched, I fell asleep. When I woke up, apparently the demons of desperation did too. I went to talk to my deddy and then the flood gates opened.

I cried relentlessly about my life and everything in it. I desperately want to have my own place- and not live around drunk loud college students. I am sick of looking and nothing ever working out. Then my deddy tells me I can't afford a house. Well awesome. So, all these time the past 2 years was a waste. Then I talk about just other things in life and cry some more. My mom comes in from work during the middle of this cryfest.

My deddy is my hero, but he doesn't have a good way with words and emotions. I know it is because his dad was the exact same way. So when my mom got there, he let her take over. So, I sat on a small step stool in my parents kitchen and cried. Not just tears peeking out over my cheeks, but my face in my hands and my eyes soaked and snot literally connecting my jacket to my face.

My parents tried to give their best advice, but somehow I can't really process "you just have to get over it". My heart is so broken at this point, I just honestly don't know what to do. So, I left Mowgli for an overnight and for some alone time.

I come home, work out again, and then sit on my couch trying to hold back the waterfalls again. I ask God to show me something in his word about making things new. I searched "made new" on my Bible app. I skim over a few verses, then one jumped out at me.

Isaiah 43:18 "Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past." Could you have made it any more real God? I find myself in the past a lot. Thinking about what was and why that isn't the case now. This breakup has shaken my world up so much, but right there God says forget that. Continue reading verse 19 "See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and stream in the wasteland."


Ah God, you got me a again. This is how I interpret that verse "Hellooo! I am doing something new in your life- you dont even feel it whelling up in you do you? I am cutting out a path for you in the middle of this lonely place and I am bringing a source of life to a desserted place."

So, even in the middle of my madness of tears, snot, and a feeling of desperation that I can't explain, God says that HE is at work in me- even if I don't or can't feel it. I am so glad God moves in my meltdowns.

Plans & that whole "bigger and better" thing

Last night I had the privilege to speak to the BCM as I told you yesterday. It was really exciting to be back in my old "college stomping grounds". BSU, as it was when I was there was my safe haven. I was literally there almost everyday of the week. Most of my friends from college I met here and I went on a lot of mission trips with this ministry. I will be forever grateful for my time spent there.

I prayed about what to talk about for a while, because I didnt want to 1) talk about something not relevant to the students and 2) not cry about my recent circumstances in front of anyone else. I prayed and prayed and God showed me what to talk about.

I talked about how we make plans and so many times our plans FAIL. I told these students of the time when God changed my heart in my Jr year of college to quit thinking I was going to be a Medical  Missionary in a hut in Africa. I was going to be a nurse and that is all I knew. I got rejected from Nursing school 3 times, 2 from GCSU and 1 from Medical College of Ga. I was still bound and determined to be a nurse. God had something different in mind.

I went to a conference for BSUs from Tn, GA, SC and AL in Chattanooga TN in February sometime of 2005. I went to this missions breakout session and was ready to hear what it meant to be a missionary. The man was talking and it was really cool, then someone asked about "What about Medical Missions? I want to be a nurse and do medical missions." and right then and there I sat up straighter and was like yeah, what about them. I knew it was going to be awesome whatever he said. He said something to the effect of "Medical missions are great, but a lot of countries are closed to medicine coming in. You cant even take Tylenol into some countries. So, I really just need people who are willing to just talk and build relationships with people, teach them a sport, hang out with them and just get to know them. Nothing big, but just talking to people". I could feel the presence of the Lord more strongly than I had before.

I thought to myself "this is not happening, what? God, that is the only thing I am good at- talking. What are you trying to say to me? NO! I wont have it. Medical Missions bring back  my focus. Medical Missions Medical Missions." The whole time this man was talking, I swear it felt like he was looking directly at me. Serious. I was the only one in the room and there were at least 100 people in there. He went on talking about building relationships with people and becomming friends with them was what the mission field needed. The whole time I could feel something that I honestly cant explain. It was just something of bearing and thickness pressing down on my spirit. I know it was the Holy Spirit saying, your plans are great, but God has something so much more for you". By the end of the session, I said, OK God, I hear ya, Im going to change my major (it was my jr year keep that in mind, but I had been taking these Health Education classes just til I got into nursing school..) I went out of that seminar a different person. I knew I was going to change my major come Monday and I knew without a shadow of doubt that God was telling me that this is what he wanted for me. I found one of my friends from school and told them "Im changing my major when we get back" they were like, ok thats cool..not really into it you know?

I remember going and sitting in a chair and just praying, ok God, if this is really what you want, make it real. Make it happen. My friend that I told must have went and told my Best Friend Ashley Strickland during this time. I walk back to our hotel room a little while later and Im just hanging out in the room and Ashley BURSTS in the door and comes up to me and says "I heard you were changing your major" and I said "yeah how did you hear that so quickly?" and she says "I have been praying all weekend for you to change your major because I knew that is not what God wanted for you."

Stop. The. Bus. WHAT? I looked at her with some kind of crazy eye and she said I have been praying God would do something to change your mind because I just knew nursing wasnt for you.

In that moment, God made it real. And I have never once looked back to being a nurse. Health Education is my passion and I get to use my gift of plain old talking to people and try and make a difference in their lives. God knows what he is doing.

I leave you with the verses I used last night. I hope you find some revelation and insight in them.
Jeremiah 29:11

Psalm 33: 10-11
Psalm 94:11
Proverbs 16: 1-4, 9
Philippians 4:6-8
Matthew 6:33

And about that bigger and better thing, I didn't think that was Biblical, but honestly it is, but so much more AWESOME the way the Bible explains it.
Ephesians 3:20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, (NIV)
Amplified Bible is for people who like emphasis- I love this version!
20Now to Him Who, by (in consequence of) the [action of His] power that is at work within us, is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think [infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams]--

WHOA! It is biblical. God fails our plans to draw us into His, because they are so much more than we could even DREAM up. I want the superabundantly. I want immeasurably more. And if I trust God's plans and not my own, I can't wait to see how this turns out!