One thing I have found in common on my friend's blogs is the want for friends. I thought Kevin and I were the only ones desperately praying for God to bring new people into our lives, but when I see other friends are praying for that same thing, it reminds me that others do struggle with this as well.
Why is it so EASY to have tons of friends in college, yet so incredibly HARD to find people to even talk to when you are grown and on your own?
I still am trying to find the answer to this. I think I had a lot of friends in college because I went to a relatively small college- and was super involved in the BSU. Friends were a'plenty there. That's why my grades weren't awesome freshman year- because I had too many friends that I needed to spend time with and didn't spend time with my books!
I think the one basic need besides shelter, food, and the like is acceptance. Everyone wants to feel that they are appreciated, included, and wanted.
Why do kids join gangs? I think.. they want to be a part of something- even if they know it isn't the right something, they know they will have that void of acceptance filled.
Why do people continue relationships that they know are not what is right for them? I think... for that moment in time, it allows them to feel like someone does want them, even if they know this person is not the person they need to be with.
I have never had a lack of friendships throughout my life. The first day of kindergarten I convinced a girl and her brother on my bus to just get off at my house and not their house. While I remember sitting in the yard licking the top off of a pudding cup, my mother was frantically calling the school district and trying to get these kid's address out of them. My new friends were 5 and 7, so not much help in that department. We remained friends until I moved away in the 6th grade.
I do know a lot of people, but today God has reminded me of new friends and ones that have stuck with me over the years.
Kevin and I prayed and prayed and prayed for new church friends the entire fall and summer. It sounds lame to pray for friends, but that was my biggest fear- being lonely.
We have been richly blessed with a Sunday School class that was open to having us join them. Kevin specifically said we were going to a church where we could be mentored. He wanted us to have people invest in us and allow us the opportunity to grow and learn from them. That spoke volumes to me- that he would see the need for that. We are currently the youngest couple in the class- and we are ok with that. We want to learn how to go through this thing called life from others who have been there. We want to share our exciting events with them and share in theirs. It is so rewarding to see this prayer request coming true.
It is a blessing to see the verse "A friend loves at all times, a brother is born for a time of adversity" really play out in my life, not just at church, but through other opportunities we have been given. (Proverbs 17:17)
I think the whole reason behind this post today is that when God allows you to share in blessings, it is truly a rewarding experience. I can see the answers to my tear filled requests being played out on Sundays.
I can also see this request being made new again through old friendships that are picking back up again.
I see the power of forgiveness at work in my life as well. With friends and family- God is at work and I am so thankful that I get to take part in that.
My real life. Sometimes I say what I feel, sometimes I don't know what to say.
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
Monday, February 11, 2013
Friday, July 13, 2012
Friday 1-3
If you read the other day's post, I hope you know that it blessed my heart. What really makes my heart smile is knowing that SO MANY people care about my happiness. 2 of my best friends have told me so much in the past 3 weeks "I am so happy that you are happy!" and "Oh- you dont know what it does to me to know you are happy again!" and one's husband even said it was good to see me happy again. This my readers- is what a true friendship looks like.
To have friends who get HAPPY when YOU are happy. These friends have been through a lot the past couple of months in their own lives, and for them to take a moment out of their personal dealings to wish and bless happiness over me- wow, it is a feeling I cant really explain. It is so cool to know that you truly are loved. Not like in a sob suck face romance love- but a love that can never be broken because of complete understanding of what it means to be a friend. Proverbs 17:17 says that "A friend loves at all times, a brother is born for a time of adversity". All. Times.
This includes the ups- the downs, and the pick yourself up off the floor times. I am grateful for people who TRULY care about my happiness and never try and negate it and take it away from me. From college ministers, to college friends, to people I really have only met once or twice-to people from my church who I thought hated me, to precious best friends- these people are the ones that have been praying me through this trial. And you will never ever ever ever know how awesome it has been to have these prayers wash over me.
I pray I can be that kind of friend. To share in one's happiness and never strangle it out. To support my dearest friends in THEIR times of need. It is so awesome to know people want the best for you. And that when you get it, a small part of them rejoices on the inside because God is so faithful and they got to share in that blessing with you.
So- today is Friday the 13th. My Granny was REAL superstitious and we could never go see her on one of these days- and she had this sign she would do for black cats- and never split a pole if you were walking with her- and she would never walk under ladders. She was very superstitious. (now you are singing that song). I loved my Granny though- she taught me a lot about life. So- to not jinx the day ;) (she is probably rolling over in her grave now) I want you to know that in your times of need- and in your trials- and in the points where you say- I'm over it- know that your truest of friends are praying for your happiness- and praying your through this time in your life. Never steal someone's happiness or try and steal the spotlight for your own life drama when someone else is going through crap. Be there for them, listen to them, give your opinion in a loving way (sometimes you have to be FIRM) and pray them through it.
True happiness comes when those around you experience happiness. And in the moment you share happiness with another- you find yourself a little more complete than you were yesterday.
To have friends who get HAPPY when YOU are happy. These friends have been through a lot the past couple of months in their own lives, and for them to take a moment out of their personal dealings to wish and bless happiness over me- wow, it is a feeling I cant really explain. It is so cool to know that you truly are loved. Not like in a sob suck face romance love- but a love that can never be broken because of complete understanding of what it means to be a friend. Proverbs 17:17 says that "A friend loves at all times, a brother is born for a time of adversity". All. Times.
This includes the ups- the downs, and the pick yourself up off the floor times. I am grateful for people who TRULY care about my happiness and never try and negate it and take it away from me. From college ministers, to college friends, to people I really have only met once or twice-to people from my church who I thought hated me, to precious best friends- these people are the ones that have been praying me through this trial. And you will never ever ever ever know how awesome it has been to have these prayers wash over me.
I pray I can be that kind of friend. To share in one's happiness and never strangle it out. To support my dearest friends in THEIR times of need. It is so awesome to know people want the best for you. And that when you get it, a small part of them rejoices on the inside because God is so faithful and they got to share in that blessing with you.
So- today is Friday the 13th. My Granny was REAL superstitious and we could never go see her on one of these days- and she had this sign she would do for black cats- and never split a pole if you were walking with her- and she would never walk under ladders. She was very superstitious. (now you are singing that song). I loved my Granny though- she taught me a lot about life. So- to not jinx the day ;) (she is probably rolling over in her grave now) I want you to know that in your times of need- and in your trials- and in the points where you say- I'm over it- know that your truest of friends are praying for your happiness- and praying your through this time in your life. Never steal someone's happiness or try and steal the spotlight for your own life drama when someone else is going through crap. Be there for them, listen to them, give your opinion in a loving way (sometimes you have to be FIRM) and pray them through it.
True happiness comes when those around you experience happiness. And in the moment you share happiness with another- you find yourself a little more complete than you were yesterday.
Friday, June 1, 2012
The time has finally come
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| Sr Prom 2002, Im in the red on the right |
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| Sr year Softball |
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March 2003, Texas
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1. I started college at GCSU in August 2002. A day after I had turned 18. All of my friends went every where but here. It was ok though, I made tons of new friends through BSU. I had a lot of ups and downs with academics, but finally found my calling my Jr year in Health Education. I was blessed to be able to travel to Alabama, Texas, Washington D.C., Grand Cayman, Montego Bay Jamaica, Cozumel, St. John, St. Marteen, St. Thomas, Hilton Head, Jekyll Island, Marietta, Chattanooga, Asheville, Virginia, Connecticut, and Boston.
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| 1st Time to NY, BFF Rachel, host pastor |
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| July 4th 2002, CT |
3. I spent an entire summer as a summer missionary in Wallingford CT. This is probably one of the best summers of my life to this date. I met my best friend/twin Rachel there and we have been inseparable since. I worked at a sweet little church, White Oak Baptist, and had the best 10 weeks I could ever ask for. I visited New York for the first time and loved it.
4. I came home from CT and got my first BIG girl job in September of 2006 at GCSU, my old stomping grounds. I have been in the same position for 5.5 years now. I feel like I have improved, but have so so much more to learn.
5. Back up just a bit- to college- Senior year- October 26th 2005. I tore my ACL, lateral meniscus and MCL in a class for school by being tripped playing basketball. I had surgery in December 2005, May 2006, and December 2010. My knee will never be the same. I can honestly say this is one thing I wish would have never happened in my life.
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| Catching a HUGE glob of confetti |
6. I went back to CT for Christmas/New Year's and had one of the best life experiences ever: I was in TIMES SQUARE FOR NEW YEAR'S! So close to the stage I could see Ryan Seacrest's teleprompter.
7. I started Graduate school in 2007. It was challenging and overwhelming at times, but it was worth it.
8. I got a dog in 2007 as well. Mowgli Diana to be exact. From the moment I saw her big ol head and tiny little body come out of the towel she was in, I was in love. This dog has been my heart. I love her more and more each day.
9. I have moved every year or year and a half for the last 5 years. Wait- more than that. I moved out from home my Winter Jr year and lived in a BIG house (Party Palace) and got paid to live there til August of my Sr year. Then I had to move to (cynder block castle) downtown. I graduated and moved home for 2 weeks, left for CT, moved home for 2 months. Then Julie and I shared a brand new townhouse downtown, (The Ritz). She left me to finish clinicals, so I moved to a 1 bedroom on Tatnall near the bridge, (The Love Shack). Then, I moved to a brick house on Harrington (um, I guess I didnt have a name for this one). Then, lastly I have moved to the towns again, but a nicer updated one. And now, I am faced with moving again- but have no idea where to. It is kinda scary.
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| Croatia, Plitvice Lakes |
12. I spent 3 week studying abroad in Croatia in 2009 and had THE TIME OF MY LIFE. It was the most beautiful place ever. I made some really good friends because of this trip and want to fill my passport up.
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| Vegas, My 25th |
13. Because of my job, I have traveled to Savannah twice, Vanderbilt, Clemson and USC, Atlanta, New Jersey, New York, and Orlando. All for free, except my outside fun.
14. I have also traveled to High Point and Charlotte NC, Charleston & Hilton Head SC, Tybee, Savannah and Atlanta GA, Panama City, Port St. Joe, Mexico Beach, Tampa, Fort Walton Beach and somewhere else in the Gulf in Florida, Vegas, Nassau and Freeport Bahamas.
15. I got another dog in Fall of 2010. My sweet spotted ball of energy never stopping chew up everything Winnie Vera. This dog was special. Mowgli and her were quickly best friends and loved like sisters. She was taken too soon in January of 2012 and my heart winces every time I think about her. My eyes fill with tears even now as I type. I miss her a whole whole lot. 
16. A list of all my jobs during college: 1st job: Animal Rescue Foundation, ew. Scooping poop is not for me. 2nd Job: Kid's Exchange: neighbor's owned a shop downtown to resell children's clothes, so I worked there a while. 3rd job, that took me right up from Freshman year to Junior year: Babysitting a Professor's kids. Started out with a 3 month old baby boy and then gained his sister when they started homeschooling her. It was an easy job, miss that money. 4th job: Youth Minister at Darien Baptist Church. 5th job: Protective Financial Services: gopher and mail person. 6th internship at Heartworks in Macon, so couldnt work. 7th job: Belk- started out in accesories and wound up at Estee Lauder. LOVED this job, considering going back. 7th job: GCSU. Wow that is a lot for 4 years.
As I sit here and try to think more about the last 10 years, I can't really come up with anything else. Here are the stats for my class of 10 right now:
All are still alive, so that is a blessing.5 are married. 5 have kids, just one has a kid not married. 1 has been through a divorce, but remarried. 6 went to college, 2 went to technical school, 2 have Master's degrees. 1 lives out of state, the rest are all in central and east GA. Everyone has jobs: 1 is construction, 1 is something big time at a bank, 1 is in fashion marketing/sales, 2 are teachers, 1 is an ultra-sound tech, 1 works in the gas industry, 1 works at a local store, 1 I honestly dont know, but know they work, and then me.
High school wasn't all that pretty for me. I didn't fit in- and it wasn't my choice school. But, tonight I will sit back and be reminded that was 10 years ago. I will hang out with people that I haven't seen in years. I will hear old stories and laugh at the times we were young and dumb. I will cherish the 10 years I have been given since my days at JHA. So here's to the class of 2002, I hope we can all have another 10 years (and more) and that we use our time in high school as a stepping stone to achieve only the best dreams in life.
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| 2002 |
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| June 1, 2012 |
Monday, April 23, 2012
The Words That You Said
..still ring in my head....I'm not ready to make nice, I'm not ready to back down.."
That is the song that put the Dixie Chicks up for a Grammy in 2007 I believe. They won that year. Took home one of the highest coveted awards for music entertainment. I have that cd. This cd was their response for speaking out about what they believed in, and not backing down. This was when all the stuff between them and Toby Keith got started, because of remarks made about the war and Bush- and how Natalie's had her life threatened from a fan "telling her to shut up and sing or her life would be over".
Now, I can't relate to having my life threatened. But I can identify with the other words in this song. It seems here lately that the words that I have said/written have been offensive to some people who read them and I have been called a few choice names the past few weeks. Let me say this with complete honesty and truth: this blog and the postings on it have NO intention to cause discord and strife for people who read it. If you really read it, like really read the postings, you will see this is all about my short comings and failures as a person- not anyone else's. It isn't meant to cause harm, make you mad, defriend me, or upset you. I honestly mean that- and if it has for any reason, I apologize, because I don't mean to upset you.
Now I will admit that I can be extremely brash sometimes and maybe I shouldn't put my complete feelings out in the open. I will agree with that. I know the type of personality I have- and sometimes I can just come across as a ______. I get that, you aren't the first person to tell me that. But when I post about struggling and feeling helpless, it isn't anything but my feelings. I am not projecting them on anyone, I am not asking you to feel sorry for me. I am just writing. If you read this- that is awesome. If you don't read my blog, trust me, the world isn't going to end.
With that being said, I don't want to write about things that don't matter. I don't want to invest time into things that are going no where. So, if you have been following, I hope to learn the true meaning of what a secret really is, how to not always speak out about things, how to truly listen, and how to just explore the introverted lifestyle. Yes a lot of my posts have been in the negative category- I'm not asking you to feel sorry for me again. I have just had a rough start to 2012. I am human- I am a refinement in process. I do make mistakes, huge wreckless mistakes. Sometimes I say things without thinking of how they will be read or interpreted. Sometimes I feel like life would be just fine without me here to mess it up. Sometimes I hurt too. I am sorry, truly to the utmost, apologetic if these words have made you question any part of my character, our friendship, and just me as a person in general.
Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
I clearly have not lived up to this verse if you have been offended from anything I have posted, and I am sorry. I want to build you up- not tear you down. A spoon not a fork or a knife.
That is the song that put the Dixie Chicks up for a Grammy in 2007 I believe. They won that year. Took home one of the highest coveted awards for music entertainment. I have that cd. This cd was their response for speaking out about what they believed in, and not backing down. This was when all the stuff between them and Toby Keith got started, because of remarks made about the war and Bush- and how Natalie's had her life threatened from a fan "telling her to shut up and sing or her life would be over".
Now, I can't relate to having my life threatened. But I can identify with the other words in this song. It seems here lately that the words that I have said/written have been offensive to some people who read them and I have been called a few choice names the past few weeks. Let me say this with complete honesty and truth: this blog and the postings on it have NO intention to cause discord and strife for people who read it. If you really read it, like really read the postings, you will see this is all about my short comings and failures as a person- not anyone else's. It isn't meant to cause harm, make you mad, defriend me, or upset you. I honestly mean that- and if it has for any reason, I apologize, because I don't mean to upset you.
Now I will admit that I can be extremely brash sometimes and maybe I shouldn't put my complete feelings out in the open. I will agree with that. I know the type of personality I have- and sometimes I can just come across as a ______. I get that, you aren't the first person to tell me that. But when I post about struggling and feeling helpless, it isn't anything but my feelings. I am not projecting them on anyone, I am not asking you to feel sorry for me. I am just writing. If you read this- that is awesome. If you don't read my blog, trust me, the world isn't going to end.
With that being said, I don't want to write about things that don't matter. I don't want to invest time into things that are going no where. So, if you have been following, I hope to learn the true meaning of what a secret really is, how to not always speak out about things, how to truly listen, and how to just explore the introverted lifestyle. Yes a lot of my posts have been in the negative category- I'm not asking you to feel sorry for me again. I have just had a rough start to 2012. I am human- I am a refinement in process. I do make mistakes, huge wreckless mistakes. Sometimes I say things without thinking of how they will be read or interpreted. Sometimes I feel like life would be just fine without me here to mess it up. Sometimes I hurt too. I am sorry, truly to the utmost, apologetic if these words have made you question any part of my character, our friendship, and just me as a person in general.
Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
I clearly have not lived up to this verse if you have been offended from anything I have posted, and I am sorry. I want to build you up- not tear you down. A spoon not a fork or a knife.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Well, its Wednesday
Our Frustrations= God's Blessings
As I was preparing to write this, I got a text from an old friend who asked me to call him when I got the chance. My friend picked up and moved to Indiana about 2 years ago- in search of more for himself. He texted me and asked for some advice. I called, and some 45 minutes later, I am understanding that God works in purposeful, even though we don't understand it, ways. I think mysterious ways too, but more so direct and intentional.
My friend asked how I was and I said- you want the long or short version- and he said let me hear the long because I am just really not wanting to focus on my life issues right now. So, in a 5 minutes spiel, I told him of the past events for the last 4 months. And then he said, I can totally understand. My sweet friend had just had his world rocked by his girlfriend breaking up with him- via text message- last night. He had been ring shopping; they dated for a year and a half. He could have called anyone in Georgia, but he chose to call me. Now you explain that. I know it is because God used my story to help my friend.
I talked to him about everything that I have learned on my own, telling him nothing anyone says is going to help, how sucky it is going to be, and that the only thing that you can rely on is Scripture. I even shared some of the verses God has shown me through all of this- and he said you don't know how much this helps. I shared Ephesians 3:30, Philippians 1:6, and Jeremiah 29:11-14. My friend had recently quit his big time railroad job because he wasnt happy, and waited 6 or 7 months to look for a new job. He just started managing a pizza place, and then the breakup happened last night. He really has nothing in Indiana. A few friends, maybe you can count them on one hand, no family, and no career.
So what do you think I told him to do? Pack it up and move it home. I told him there was no reason for him to stay there and the only way to get over the breakup was to get away from it, because being around it and all the things that remind you of it, don't help (from experience). (I did tell him before he left that he had to stop by the Vera Bradley outlet in Ft. Wayne and pick me up a few things!) And he said, after a good chuckle, because he knows my Vera request was real, he said, I just needed someone to tell me that. I needed to hear it from someone, and I am so glad you called me.
Friends, (readers), God is real. I havent talked to this friend in a LONG time- and God made him call me, of all his friends at home- because he wanted someone to be real with him. The frustration of my breakup and all my mishaps of life lately, were turned around into a blessing for someone else. All my disappointments and struggles and tears, helped someone else who is going through the same thing. I am not taking any credit for talking my friend down, it is only God who did that. I just got to be a witness.
Think about all your messups, all of the things in your life that have truly exasperated you, all the things that you were like "Really God?" or "Are you kidding me? Not now". Think about all the things you cried over. Or maybe even shook your fist at. Maybe it is frustrations with your family. A fight with a long time friend. Not getting what you wanted, like getting pregnant or losing a baby. It might be making a big ol' mess out of something that was so simple. It could be giving up everything to start a new life, only to have nothing seem to pan out. It might be the death of someone too soon, or a life altering event. Divorce. Moving. Failing a big academic test. Whatever your frustrations are, I can tell you that God, if we allow him to, uses the things that set us off, and turns it around for a blessing for someone else. We may never see these blessings with our own eyes, or hear about it with our own ears, generations later may reap the benefit of our struggles- BUT God is still at work. Even when it feels like we are in the middle of a tornado and the world is spinning by us, God still has his hand in our lives.
Take time today to thank God for the frustrations in your life that have drawn you closer to him, and use your story to bless others.
As I was preparing to write this, I got a text from an old friend who asked me to call him when I got the chance. My friend picked up and moved to Indiana about 2 years ago- in search of more for himself. He texted me and asked for some advice. I called, and some 45 minutes later, I am understanding that God works in purposeful, even though we don't understand it, ways. I think mysterious ways too, but more so direct and intentional.
My friend asked how I was and I said- you want the long or short version- and he said let me hear the long because I am just really not wanting to focus on my life issues right now. So, in a 5 minutes spiel, I told him of the past events for the last 4 months. And then he said, I can totally understand. My sweet friend had just had his world rocked by his girlfriend breaking up with him- via text message- last night. He had been ring shopping; they dated for a year and a half. He could have called anyone in Georgia, but he chose to call me. Now you explain that. I know it is because God used my story to help my friend.
I talked to him about everything that I have learned on my own, telling him nothing anyone says is going to help, how sucky it is going to be, and that the only thing that you can rely on is Scripture. I even shared some of the verses God has shown me through all of this- and he said you don't know how much this helps. I shared Ephesians 3:30, Philippians 1:6, and Jeremiah 29:11-14. My friend had recently quit his big time railroad job because he wasnt happy, and waited 6 or 7 months to look for a new job. He just started managing a pizza place, and then the breakup happened last night. He really has nothing in Indiana. A few friends, maybe you can count them on one hand, no family, and no career.
So what do you think I told him to do? Pack it up and move it home. I told him there was no reason for him to stay there and the only way to get over the breakup was to get away from it, because being around it and all the things that remind you of it, don't help (from experience). (I did tell him before he left that he had to stop by the Vera Bradley outlet in Ft. Wayne and pick me up a few things!) And he said, after a good chuckle, because he knows my Vera request was real, he said, I just needed someone to tell me that. I needed to hear it from someone, and I am so glad you called me.
Friends, (readers), God is real. I havent talked to this friend in a LONG time- and God made him call me, of all his friends at home- because he wanted someone to be real with him. The frustration of my breakup and all my mishaps of life lately, were turned around into a blessing for someone else. All my disappointments and struggles and tears, helped someone else who is going through the same thing. I am not taking any credit for talking my friend down, it is only God who did that. I just got to be a witness.
Think about all your messups, all of the things in your life that have truly exasperated you, all the things that you were like "Really God?" or "Are you kidding me? Not now". Think about all the things you cried over. Or maybe even shook your fist at. Maybe it is frustrations with your family. A fight with a long time friend. Not getting what you wanted, like getting pregnant or losing a baby. It might be making a big ol' mess out of something that was so simple. It could be giving up everything to start a new life, only to have nothing seem to pan out. It might be the death of someone too soon, or a life altering event. Divorce. Moving. Failing a big academic test. Whatever your frustrations are, I can tell you that God, if we allow him to, uses the things that set us off, and turns it around for a blessing for someone else. We may never see these blessings with our own eyes, or hear about it with our own ears, generations later may reap the benefit of our struggles- BUT God is still at work. Even when it feels like we are in the middle of a tornado and the world is spinning by us, God still has his hand in our lives.
Take time today to thank God for the frustrations in your life that have drawn you closer to him, and use your story to bless others.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
"Let Her Cry"
Are you a Hootie and the Blowfish fan? I certainly am. My parents loved them when I was growing up, so I know all the words. Their song "Let Her Cry" is a song about a girl who chooses drugs and completely changes in a relationship and how the guy responds to her and how he has to leave.
The chorus goes:
Let her cry, if the tears fall down like rain
Let her sing, if it eases all her pain
Let her go,let her walk right out on me
And if the sun comes up tomorrow
Let her be, let her be.
Not that I can relate to the drug part, but the part about crying- oh yeah I understand that fully. I have some amazing friends who have helped me through this crappy time in my life. Friends who have let me cry it out on their shoulders, run over to their houses because they understand what it is like to feel this way, and friends who have never told me once to stop crying.
These have been my truest of friends. Never once telling me to "get over it" or "you should be done crying"; if anything, they have cared enough about me to encourage my crying and to cry as much as I want.
One person, who has tried to be in my business when it is of no place of their business told me in these words exactly "Eventually you'll realize that there's nothing worth crying over. You'll be fine"... next message "its not like I'm trying to be doctor Phil. I'm just saying "get over it, it was a break up, you weren't married, so you should be over this in about a month" in a nice way. Does that clear it up?"
Do you know how those words stung? Can you imagine the feelings of anger and hostility that engulfed my being when I read that? If that was the nice way- my gosh, I would hate to know how you really felt. Don't ever say those words- to anyone, but especially a GIRL. Nothing worth crying over? A month to get over? I'm sorry- we dated for over a year, it isn't something you just let go of in a month. Girl's hearts were created to love, and that process doesn't just vaporize once the relationship ends.
This person has made me so angry- yet I have to remind my friends who have said "cry as much as you need" and "it is ok to cry Rachel, that means you cared". Don't ever take that healing process away from someone- if they are crying. It isn't your battle. It has nothing to do with you thinking crying is ludacrious. Like Hootie said, "let her cry, ...let her be".
People have to deal with things how they choose. They need to find healing and cleansing through those tears. I know I am not going to be this way forever, gosh I so hope that, but I know that I truly loved someone, gave them my heart and invested more than just a month's worth of feeling into them. I know that this is going to affect me for the rest of my life and I know that if I want to break down and cry- it is ok to do that. It is part of me dealing with it.
So, this note is a thank you to the people who have never once tried to suffocate my feelings or be mean to me because I have been a basket case. I appreciate your true friendship- and the ability to be able to cry in front of you and you not judge me. Thank you for loving me.
The chorus goes:
Let her cry, if the tears fall down like rain
Let her sing, if it eases all her pain
Let her go,let her walk right out on me
And if the sun comes up tomorrow
Let her be, let her be.
Not that I can relate to the drug part, but the part about crying- oh yeah I understand that fully. I have some amazing friends who have helped me through this crappy time in my life. Friends who have let me cry it out on their shoulders, run over to their houses because they understand what it is like to feel this way, and friends who have never told me once to stop crying.
These have been my truest of friends. Never once telling me to "get over it" or "you should be done crying"; if anything, they have cared enough about me to encourage my crying and to cry as much as I want.
One person, who has tried to be in my business when it is of no place of their business told me in these words exactly "Eventually you'll realize that there's nothing worth crying over. You'll be fine"... next message "its not like I'm trying to be doctor Phil. I'm just saying "get over it, it was a break up, you weren't married, so you should be over this in about a month" in a nice way. Does that clear it up?"
Do you know how those words stung? Can you imagine the feelings of anger and hostility that engulfed my being when I read that? If that was the nice way- my gosh, I would hate to know how you really felt. Don't ever say those words- to anyone, but especially a GIRL. Nothing worth crying over? A month to get over? I'm sorry- we dated for over a year, it isn't something you just let go of in a month. Girl's hearts were created to love, and that process doesn't just vaporize once the relationship ends.
This person has made me so angry- yet I have to remind my friends who have said "cry as much as you need" and "it is ok to cry Rachel, that means you cared". Don't ever take that healing process away from someone- if they are crying. It isn't your battle. It has nothing to do with you thinking crying is ludacrious. Like Hootie said, "let her cry, ...let her be".
People have to deal with things how they choose. They need to find healing and cleansing through those tears. I know I am not going to be this way forever, gosh I so hope that, but I know that I truly loved someone, gave them my heart and invested more than just a month's worth of feeling into them. I know that this is going to affect me for the rest of my life and I know that if I want to break down and cry- it is ok to do that. It is part of me dealing with it.
So, this note is a thank you to the people who have never once tried to suffocate my feelings or be mean to me because I have been a basket case. I appreciate your true friendship- and the ability to be able to cry in front of you and you not judge me. Thank you for loving me.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
The people that care
People know what is going on in my life, even if I haven't spoken it to them. My countenance is different and they notice the changes when I try to suppress them. I am grateful that these people truly know me, and truly care. Not only have they given me words of encouragement, but they have said they have been praying for me. Do you know how that resounds in my mind? These people care enough about me to pray for me, because they know something isn't right with Rachel.
Am I being that kind of friend to them? Do I notice when people are having a rough day or rough time and try to reach out to them? Or do I just pass them over, because my "problems" are so much more important to deal with? Hmm. Makes me wonder. Am I missing the forest because of the trees; am I so wrapped up in this pity party I have been having that I don't notice other's brokenness. I want to be the kind of friend that these people have been for me.
People have listened to me cry, moan and just listen to the anger and exasperation running through me. They have patiently sat and been there, even when they had their own lives to deal with. People have POURED into me- With their insight, understanding, words of affirmation, and with their time.
You know you are a true friend when you drop everything in your life to help someone deal with something in theirs. One time I called a friend and couldn't even talk because I was crying so much, and she said "get in your car and come over here". This was late at night- yet she reached out to me in my lonely place.
"Praise be to the God and the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God" 2 Cor. 3-4
God comforts us--> We can then use that experience to comfort others in their time of need. I'm forever grateful for the people who have truly made this verse come alive with me.
Am I being that kind of friend to them? Do I notice when people are having a rough day or rough time and try to reach out to them? Or do I just pass them over, because my "problems" are so much more important to deal with? Hmm. Makes me wonder. Am I missing the forest because of the trees; am I so wrapped up in this pity party I have been having that I don't notice other's brokenness. I want to be the kind of friend that these people have been for me.
People have listened to me cry, moan and just listen to the anger and exasperation running through me. They have patiently sat and been there, even when they had their own lives to deal with. People have POURED into me- With their insight, understanding, words of affirmation, and with their time.
You know you are a true friend when you drop everything in your life to help someone deal with something in theirs. One time I called a friend and couldn't even talk because I was crying so much, and she said "get in your car and come over here". This was late at night- yet she reached out to me in my lonely place.
"Praise be to the God and the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God" 2 Cor. 3-4
God comforts us--> We can then use that experience to comfort others in their time of need. I'm forever grateful for the people who have truly made this verse come alive with me.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Divine appointments
Back again. Whoop. Yeahhh.
Today is a BIG day for me. Im the guest speaker at the BCM (formerly Baptist Student Union for all the people who were in school with me!) and I am kinda still in shock I was even asked to speak. The new Campus Minister is really cool and has a really genuine family here with him in Milledgeville. Why he asked me- I may never know that answer. Maybe he thinks I am awesome.. I will let him keep believing that! Anyway, I will blog about what will have talked about tomorrow. For now, I want to share insight into something my friend Brett Chatham introduced me to my sophmore/his freshman year of college. I think it was then. If it wasn't that exact time frame- it was sometime while we were in college ministry at Northside!!
I wholeheartedly believe in Divine Appointments. That is- There is something other than a coinsidence driving you to where you are and when you come in contact with people. God has ordained these appointments and it isn't just because you live in a small town and see everybody at the store- or isn't just because you get a random phone call out of the blue. No my friends, (if anyoen is even reading this), it is inspired by God.
Let's take yesterday for example. I have been trying to work out more and with that comes walking Mowgli more. Lately, I have been making her walk really far- because I have had a lot to say to God and am trying to listen and commune with him. I decided we would take a different route. I always go right one day and left the next, and make a big square block, but today, I went completely left-and up by First Baptist. I never go "up" this way, I usually come "down" this way on its designated days. Anyway..I pass by Washington Street- the prettiest street in Milledgeville said my late friend Matt Flurry. It is. So pretty with the overlapping trees and just how the road is divided..I decided to not turn down it and just go on up another block.
Im walking, Mowgli is peeing- you know how it goes. And then, I see a really nicely dressed guy walking from the school in my direction- and I'm thinking- why is is professor so dressed up? Anyway as I am getting to make my right turn, this guy says Hey Rachel! And I didnt recognize him, but as he got closer and I heard his voice more, I realized it was a college friend of mine named Jared. He was in town for a Career Fair at the School and doing some recruiting. We made small talk about how I was sorry I couldnt talk to him when he called last month because I was at a conference and then he said I saw about your dog, I am really sorry to hear about that. And I proceeded to tell him yeah, it was really hard, considering it happened right after my boyfriend broke up with me. Jared was so compassionate and said I will be praying for things to get better for you. We talked about some other stuff and then I asked how he was. He got sort or downtrodden and said "I dont know if you knew this or not, but my father passed away in (October I believe)."
At that moment, God gave me a big punch in the stomach. I could hear him saying "See my child, if the worst things for you right now are a breakup and your dog dying, you have it pretty good compared to some other people". Ouch. ohh. Throughout this whole process God has been trying to tell me, someone has things so much more worse than you, so shut up complaining. I have complained a lot, and cried a lot, but complained more. My sweet friend was still coming to grips that his deddy (he says it too!) was not here anymore and my heart just wanted to go out to him.
I talked with Jared for probbaly 10 more minutes about our "plans" and how they always fail if God isnt in them. We talked about being real with God and not being angry, but just being real with God and pouring out our hearts to him and just asking him questions. Read Psalms. My coworker told me one day that all throughout the Psalms people start the passage with "oh woe is me, why are you doing this to me God, I hate my life" kind of beginnings, but by the end, their attitude has changed when they realize God is still God and still in control, even when the world is passing you by or failing you. It is OK to be real with God. It is ok to tell him how miserable you are. It is OK to cry.
What I am learning, through the Word, my true friends who genuienly care about my well being, and my own search for peace with my communion with God, is that it is NOT ok to dwell in this misery, in the bad things of our situations. Dwell: sit or stay or tarry there. You think about it more. It consumes you if you dwell in something (good or bad). Dwell is such an old fashioned word but such a relavent piece of advice. Dwell. it's a fun word to say, like Fransisco! ;0 Dwell, really think about it.
If I want to be happy, or just enjoy what I am given, I must choose to dwell in the place of happiness. Dwell in the arms of Christ that were stretched out on a cross to cover me and my ugly shameful sins. Dwell in the riches that God has promised me- an heir to the throne of a kingdom. Dwell in the peace that passes all understanding (And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:7)
What are you dwelling in friends? When I think of dwell I get the image of a pig who likes to wallow in the mud. They cover themselves with it. Then when it gets dry- the run right back to it and roll around in it some more. Are you rolling around in self pity? Are you choosing to tarry in the mindset of depression?? Are you dwelling on the past and the things that you cannot control? If I am going to be a dweller, I say to you, Imma dwell in the good mud! Not the mud that smells and ruins everything, but the mud that covers me and surrounds me with comfort and peace. The mud that doesnt dry up. The mud that is lasting and sustaining. Im going to dwell in the Lord.
I know that God ordained my sidewalk appointment with Jared yesterday. I know that God puts those little blessings in our lives to remind us that he still cares, he is still there. God hears, every little whimper. Thank God for the Divine Appointments you are sometimes surprised with- and dwell in the Lord.
Today is a BIG day for me. Im the guest speaker at the BCM (formerly Baptist Student Union for all the people who were in school with me!) and I am kinda still in shock I was even asked to speak. The new Campus Minister is really cool and has a really genuine family here with him in Milledgeville. Why he asked me- I may never know that answer. Maybe he thinks I am awesome.. I will let him keep believing that! Anyway, I will blog about what will have talked about tomorrow. For now, I want to share insight into something my friend Brett Chatham introduced me to my sophmore/his freshman year of college. I think it was then. If it wasn't that exact time frame- it was sometime while we were in college ministry at Northside!!
I wholeheartedly believe in Divine Appointments. That is- There is something other than a coinsidence driving you to where you are and when you come in contact with people. God has ordained these appointments and it isn't just because you live in a small town and see everybody at the store- or isn't just because you get a random phone call out of the blue. No my friends, (if anyoen is even reading this), it is inspired by God.
Let's take yesterday for example. I have been trying to work out more and with that comes walking Mowgli more. Lately, I have been making her walk really far- because I have had a lot to say to God and am trying to listen and commune with him. I decided we would take a different route. I always go right one day and left the next, and make a big square block, but today, I went completely left-and up by First Baptist. I never go "up" this way, I usually come "down" this way on its designated days. Anyway..I pass by Washington Street- the prettiest street in Milledgeville said my late friend Matt Flurry. It is. So pretty with the overlapping trees and just how the road is divided..I decided to not turn down it and just go on up another block.
Im walking, Mowgli is peeing- you know how it goes. And then, I see a really nicely dressed guy walking from the school in my direction- and I'm thinking- why is is professor so dressed up? Anyway as I am getting to make my right turn, this guy says Hey Rachel! And I didnt recognize him, but as he got closer and I heard his voice more, I realized it was a college friend of mine named Jared. He was in town for a Career Fair at the School and doing some recruiting. We made small talk about how I was sorry I couldnt talk to him when he called last month because I was at a conference and then he said I saw about your dog, I am really sorry to hear about that. And I proceeded to tell him yeah, it was really hard, considering it happened right after my boyfriend broke up with me. Jared was so compassionate and said I will be praying for things to get better for you. We talked about some other stuff and then I asked how he was. He got sort or downtrodden and said "I dont know if you knew this or not, but my father passed away in (October I believe)."
At that moment, God gave me a big punch in the stomach. I could hear him saying "See my child, if the worst things for you right now are a breakup and your dog dying, you have it pretty good compared to some other people". Ouch. ohh. Throughout this whole process God has been trying to tell me, someone has things so much more worse than you, so shut up complaining. I have complained a lot, and cried a lot, but complained more. My sweet friend was still coming to grips that his deddy (he says it too!) was not here anymore and my heart just wanted to go out to him.
I talked with Jared for probbaly 10 more minutes about our "plans" and how they always fail if God isnt in them. We talked about being real with God and not being angry, but just being real with God and pouring out our hearts to him and just asking him questions. Read Psalms. My coworker told me one day that all throughout the Psalms people start the passage with "oh woe is me, why are you doing this to me God, I hate my life" kind of beginnings, but by the end, their attitude has changed when they realize God is still God and still in control, even when the world is passing you by or failing you. It is OK to be real with God. It is ok to tell him how miserable you are. It is OK to cry.
What I am learning, through the Word, my true friends who genuienly care about my well being, and my own search for peace with my communion with God, is that it is NOT ok to dwell in this misery, in the bad things of our situations. Dwell: sit or stay or tarry there. You think about it more. It consumes you if you dwell in something (good or bad). Dwell is such an old fashioned word but such a relavent piece of advice. Dwell. it's a fun word to say, like Fransisco! ;0 Dwell, really think about it.
If I want to be happy, or just enjoy what I am given, I must choose to dwell in the place of happiness. Dwell in the arms of Christ that were stretched out on a cross to cover me and my ugly shameful sins. Dwell in the riches that God has promised me- an heir to the throne of a kingdom. Dwell in the peace that passes all understanding (And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:7)
What are you dwelling in friends? When I think of dwell I get the image of a pig who likes to wallow in the mud. They cover themselves with it. Then when it gets dry- the run right back to it and roll around in it some more. Are you rolling around in self pity? Are you choosing to tarry in the mindset of depression?? Are you dwelling on the past and the things that you cannot control? If I am going to be a dweller, I say to you, Imma dwell in the good mud! Not the mud that smells and ruins everything, but the mud that covers me and surrounds me with comfort and peace. The mud that doesnt dry up. The mud that is lasting and sustaining. Im going to dwell in the Lord.
I know that God ordained my sidewalk appointment with Jared yesterday. I know that God puts those little blessings in our lives to remind us that he still cares, he is still there. God hears, every little whimper. Thank God for the Divine Appointments you are sometimes surprised with- and dwell in the Lord.
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