Even the best intentions fall

Yesterday was supposed to be the highlight of my job. It normally is the biggest event I am in charge of for my job. Normally- but that wasn't the case yesterday. Per my Dean's request, I was strongly guilted encouraged to have my Health Fair at the new Wellness and Recreation Center. This sounds all fine well and good- but I knew better. My health fair normally draws at least 300 people through from Magnolia Ballroom. Yesterday- MAYbe 65, probably closer to 50. But that wasn't the only thing that failed:

#1 I got here early to set up- none of my tables I requested were here. How do you have a health fair without tables for the vendors?? So that made me look like an idiot.
#2 Two vendors contacted me that MORNING to let me know they weren't coming. Three more just didn't even show up.
#3 The Health Fair is my baby. I am completely in charge of everything- except the Nurse Practitioner students. My boss deals with that. Well, my boss didn't show up until 9 something. So freak out. But I guess she trusts me more than I trust myself.
#4 Not only did hardly anyone come, but not a lot of people even knew about it. Awesome. Thanks Communications!

So overall, I feel as if it was one of the worst health fairs I have ever conducted. The food was really good though, so I guess that counts for something.

If you know me well, you know that I am super attentive to details. A lot of people call me a perfectionist. Some people say I am OCD. I don't know if I necessarily agree with the perfectionist part, but I like things to be in order and when they aren't I kind of lose it. I try to do things that are neat and organized and look like a lot of time was put into them. When these things fail, it honestly ruins everything in me. I feel like a failure and hate that I have disappointed my own expectations. Yesterday was one of those days.

I guess I shouldn't be so hard on myself or do something where I remind myself that things are going to mess up. The other day my work crew was talking about my "expectations" in people (guys) and my GA said that my expectations were way above outer space and no one will ever live up to them. Everyone laughed, but honestly, it is the truth. BUT- I have to think back and say- well if I don't have high expectations, I will settle for things that are mediocre and not really that great.

"If you fail to plan, plan to fail."- that is kinda the mantra/motto for health promotions. Seriously, the whole essence of the job is planning. I think I am going to start planning with a new direction. Plan in messups. Not so much as planning for failure- but allowing room for error. I don't always see this aspect, but I think if I could plan this way, I think a lot of things would change. Not just in my job.