Reclaimed Innocence

Late night conversations in our bedroom are sometimes where my husband and I find the most joy in the day. We have been doing an awesome devotion book for married people short on time and I highly recommend it. It is called "Night Light" by Dr. James Dobson and his wife. I truly can say that this has helped us to talk about touchy subjects and made our marriage better. The nights- or weeks, sometimes, if we let it go that far- that we don't do our devotion- I can see it affecting our marriage. We are mean and ugly- lackadaisical- and not Christ-like to the other.  If you aren't talking about God in your marriage- I can 100% assure you that it is going no where and will never be any different than it is now. 

Last night's devotion was probably the most heart piercing one we have read. I feel very confident in saying that if you were to ask either of us about the other's past- we both know pretty much everything that has gone on- maybe not the whole, but the idea of it. This week's theme is forgiveness. Like a boomerang back in my life coming for me again. More like a never ending bell ringing in my ear.

I should say that my problem is not in forgiving- that is truly hard- I am totally willing to let that happen- but my problem lies in the fact that the people we have been feuding with don't think they have done anything wrong- or that they haven't hurt us.

The story last night was about Corie Ten Boom. How she was face to face with her captor- the one who ultimately was responsible for her sister's death and her family's destruction at a concentration camp during Nazi reign. Some years later when she started her ministry- the very man that she would pass daily in that concentration camp- who tortured and killed her family and friends- was in a church where she was speaking (in Germany). Her topic was forgiveness. She spoke about it being a requirement if you are a believer. The story didn't present this man til the end. He was the last one in the building and approached her after everyone had left. She immediately recognized him from her past and the words that he said next were astounding. He said he enjoyed her talk (as she fumbled through her purse, because she didn't want to make eye contact, and she knew he didn't remember her) and then he extended his hand and asked for her forgiveness- because he did in turn recognize her. After a long pause- she extended her hand and told him he was forgiven. He told her that he had become a Christian and knew that God had forgiven him of the cruel things he had done. He lived his life differently now, and apologized for the wrong he had caused for Corie and her family.

I can't explain to you how this tugged on our hearts last night. I truly believe this is one of the most powerful acts of forgiveness I have ever read about. Corie described it as not of her own will- but the Holy Spirit moving her very being to accept that man's hand. The story then went on to say that if that man could be moved to ask for forgiveness- and Christ forgives us of all our mistakes when we accept him- then why can we not try to share that same forgiveness with others (the book was talking about your spouse, but to us it had a different meaning)?

As we talked about who it was hard to forgive- and what it was like to forgive- we were both challenged to at least attempt to make things right with those who have wronged us- and those that we have wronged. I don't know if that opportunity will ever be given to us, considering we have been avoided like we have the plague, but I do know that this time we are ready.

See the bigger picture.

Grace. Mercy. Forgiveness. Peace.

 I don't have the words. I think we have just both pushed it aside and not dealt with it, but now we hope to try and put the pieces of the puzzle together instead of leaving them scattered and lost.

Someone you know needs to hear this

I'm just going to say it. A lot of friends and people we know are going through the process of  the "d" word.  It is really overwhelming for me as a newlywed to see so many marriages around me failing. Kevin and I sat at dinner the other night and prayed specifically for 3 sets of couples that we know. 

Some of these- oh a "d" word is the best thing for them. No one deserves to be slapped around, yelled at and cornered- or lied to and continually put down. There is no place for any of that in a marriage.

Relationships that are strained need 3 things- in my personal opinion. I know that I am not a Counselor, but I do know that these have been essential to us during our engagement, and even more so now that we are married.

Communication- If you don't talk about it- the person doesn't know about it. Allow time to talk- openly and freely and learn to understand that words can truly determine how the rest of the day is going to go. Be a Barnabas- and encourage each other. Use words to build them up and not tear them down. (Ephesians 4:29)
Use the utensil model to determine what kind of person you want to be. A knife, a fork or a spoon. A knife is used to tear apart things. Are the words and actions you choose tearing people apart and ruining them? A fork pierces and pokes. Are you continually playing on weaknesses and poking fun or making them feel like less of a person? Forks also have holes. Are you choosing to allow somethings to disappear in your life that you don't want the other to know about? Or do you choose to be the spoon? Spoons cradle and support. Spoons are the only utensil that can be used to scrape up the pieces and put them all together. Are you supporting your significant other and always there for them- using words and actions that hold them together?

Forgiveness- If you are a christian, then you should know the whole premise of our faith is built on forgiveness. Christ did the ultimate forgiveness and took on our shame and sins- and gave us new life. We should find it in our hearts to learn to look to the cross and model forgiveness after Christ. Forgiveness is NOT EASY. If it was easy, man the world be be a better place. I would encourage those who are hurt from others to seek out christian counseling so you can learn to forgive. Harboring bitterness doesn't hurt the person you are mad with- it hurts you and only you. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and financially.

 I am a true testament that once you allow forgiveness to flow through, you can be made new again. Take my last year for example. I was so angry and hurt that I lost a lot of weight, had my hair start falling out and made my iron bottom out- as well as my credit card debt was significantly increased. Once I came to terms with my life- and forgave- I started to get better- and I have no credit card debt anymore. It is hard- but it is so worth it. Only God can create this peace in you- don't look for it any where than in the arms of Christ.

Restoration- This part is hard too. This is a process and will take an undetermined amount of time for each person. It is vital to any part of healing you want to take part in. Know this: Just as only we can learn forgiveness from Jesus, we can only be restored by God. Nothing else on this earth can fill this void. We can fill it with doughnuts- or the gym. You can put other people in there to "fix" you- or you can shut out the world. You can also give up- or you can give in. No matter what  earthly thing you choose- the only way you can be restored is through God working in and out of you.

 If your relationship is failing- (and more so to the account that you/your other said "I just don't love you anymore) I would encourage you to get in the Word, pray often, seek out christian counseling- and to participate in The Love Dare. It is a book that goes along with the movie, Fireproof. If you have never seen it, you need to watch it. The Love Dare challenges all things society says about "Imma do Me" and teaches you how to put your significant other before your needs and wants.
Even if your relationship isn't failing, you need to see this movie.

God can and will take all of the brokenness and hurt- the shame and the lies- the moments of desperation and the moments of defeat- and turn it into something beautiful. It may not come as quickly as you want, but if you hold on to the promise that God is faithful to those who call out to him and believe in his son- he is and will be at work around you. Ecclesiastes 3:11- He has made everything beautiful in its time. Your time is coming- turn it over to God and allow him to start the healing process.

As I close, know that I am not judging you for your situation. I would welcome any opportunity to pray for and encourage you if you wanted it. If you need more of a pick-me up than my humble words, I hope you listen to these songs and find some strength and peace.