The way it stands

School is starting back this week in our town. Madness is brewing. 
This year- I find myself starting back as well. Georgia Southern here I come! 

I am so excited to be an Eagle- even if it is just online classes right now. I do want to attempt to get a PhD- but right now I will focus on these prerequisites I have to take before starting that program. I am honestly nervous about starting school again. I haven't done this in 4 years! Ahhhhh! Hopefully my transition will be smooth. I do know that one of my dreams is coming true- to go to a school with football. Thanks God! Also- big shout out to K. Pope for pushing me to Ga Southern. I am sure I wouldn't have even considered it had he not mentioned it. 

If regular school is starting- that must mean COLLEGE is starting shortly after. Fall is an exciting time of year for me. I present so many presentations and meet with so many students- I look forward to the newness- the lack of information they have been given- and the excitement they bring to campus.

I am hoping 2013 turns out to be the best college year yet at good ol' GC. I have made lots of plans- signed lots of contracts- and changed the format in a lot of my presentations. Let's hope that planning pays off. 

On another note:
Sometimes I tell Kevin it is really weird to be married. (not that I miss the single life- at all), but it just seems really strange to be able to call his former home my home now as well. Sometimes I don't feel like it is "my" home- because I haven't decorated very much, or there isn't much of "me" in the house. The guest bathroom has been painted sea foam green, so that makes me feel a little better- and there is one canvas picture of us on the wall- but still I find that it is missing elements to make me feel like I live there too. 

Kevin had already picked the paint colors long before I came along- and all of the furniture- minus our bedroom and living room. I do miss that aspect of house hunting when I was single- and dreaming up big plans in my head of how I wanted it to look. I am very blessed to have a man who already had a house, I am grateful for that. And it is a craftsman style house- which I wanted. It is just hard for me to wrap my mind around that I live there too. Sometimes I just feel like my stuff is just "there". 

I am trying to "put a girl in it"- but I find myself struggling to do this. Kevin says we can do whatever I want- so I have decided that paint makes everything look better. Upcoming projects: The master bath (because powder blue isn't that great love) and the laundry room (because I want to be joyful when I have to be in there, and macadamia nut just doesn't do it for me) and staining of the kitchen cabinets. And bath cabinets. 

I am hoping these changes make it "my" home as well. Our home is quite empty when it comes to decorations and pictures. My goal for the rest of the year is to bring in lots of color and accents- and frame up some dang pictures of us- since we have 4 total in the house.

I just want our house to feel like home. It will get there, in due time. 

Some Things Never Change

I have just spent the last 2 hours...roughly.. looking at all of my tagged photos on Facebook. HOLY GEEZE. Are you kidding me? No wonder I never got asked out. Gross. Here is a list of things that haven't changed at all- over the course of many years...

1. If I don't have a tan- I look really scary gross. My gosh- like for real I didnt know it was that bad- but it is. Thankfully- I have access to spray tans now!
2. I will never ever ever cut my hair above my shoulder blades EVER again. Ohh. Fat cheeks and short hair don't mix.
3. Blonde is not my best look. Eeek.
4. One of three things is going to mess up my pictures: my eyes, my neck, or my posture in general. My eyes are always squinted ( I guess because my smile is SO freaking large), me neck is always bent at the wrong angle- and clearly I dont know how to stand up or sit down in pics.
5. My smile is always huge- sometimes too big. Scary big. I knew I had big teeth- but my gums are just huge. 
6. I am pretty dramatic in most of my action shots- like overly dramatic.

Its hard to believe Facebook was invented in my day. Spring of 2005. I will never forget it. UGA got it before us and there were rumors going around that thing new website was so awesome it was making students skip class. What kind of website is this we thought? We finally got it- about a month later- and I can tell you I never skipped class- but I dang sure spent HOURS on this site adding errrybody and they brother. Joining every group possible. It was madness. 

I have changed so much. My weight has changed the most- good grief. Yikes- that workout plan has to be stepped up so I don't go back to where I have been.I can't believe the girl in these pictures is who I was so long ago. 

I am reminded that when I look back on these memories- my heart is full of joy. It doesnt matter how pasty white you might be- it doesnt matter that your smile blocks out everyone else in the picture- it certainly doesnt matter what length my hair is- and most importantly it doesnt matter what clothes were in style (because I am convinced I had the worst style in college and right when I got my job)- what matters is who you surround yourself with. I have untagged many a photo- from the all endearing photos of me and exes- from the photos that are really really awful- to the ones that no one really needs to see. Memories. 

I am grateful for seasons. I have written about this before - but I am grateful to look back on my seasons and be reminded that some things don't have to change. 

How it came to be- Part 1

Maybe I am writing this down so I don't forget it. Maybe it is for those of you who really want to know. Maybe, just maybe, it's a story worth telling.

Seven years ago, December 15, 2005 I was prepped and ready to have my ACL reconstruction surgery at ORMC. Going to the hospital with no makeup and some sweats in the early morning hours to get this thing over with. Hugely nervous and terrified out of my Senior college student mind, I get in the waiting lobby with my parents. Little did I know some adrenaline seeking college kid who grew up in Milledgeville and went to school at Georgia Southern would re-tear his ACL and have surgery scheduled the same day as me. Literally 15 minutes before me. So- we talked and our parents met and both of us were in knee braces by that afternoon. The crazy part is- the guy got to go home and I had to spend the night in misery. Because the pain was so bad and my morphine pump got blocked. Oh- and I dont eat spice cake anymore because once I did get some pain meds, they brought me dinner and spice cake doesn't taste as good coming up as it does going down.He also got to start rehab the next day- I was on crutches for 6 weeks. 

Ever so often from this day I would get a random Facebook message asking about my knee and how I was doing. He was almost back to 100% within 2 months- um- we can for sure say that I am about 70% 7 years later. Small talk went on for a while..nothing major.

Somewhere along the last 3 years- I deleted the guy I shared a knee surgery day from my Facebook. I went through a REALLY large purge and cleaned house. Sadly, his didnt make the cut. I saw him randomly last August in Savannah- at a Governor's Office of Highway Safety meeting- the most random conference ever to see him at- in an elevator. We made small talk- of course it was about our knees- and that was it.

It would be wrong of me to lie and say I didn't really take notice of seeing him at this conference. Truthfully- I was wishing I didnt have a boyfriend so I couldve at least given him a "ohmygosh you lookamazing" hug- you know those close deep hugs you try linger a little longer with?

Fast forward to June 2012. My life was in the middle of (what I was hoping for) some changes. I had just interviewed with Alabama. I had just decided I was D-O-N-E with letting my ex play with my emotions. I had put in offers on 2 separate houses. I had started to gain weight back because I was normal eating again. I was going to make it alone and I was beyond excited about that.

So, I get a random Facebook friend request from the knee surgery guy with a message saying-  I know we were already Facebook friends,  not sure what happened (I do, oopssie, my bad). I see you work at the college, how is that and how is that knee holding up?

Out of no where but in the middle of everything, in the most awkward and perfect timing. Here is this guy- who I have thought is SUPER attractive the entire time I have known him- even when he was playing soccer in highschool. (He didn't know me- but I knew him because I dated a guy from his school and went to their Prom). Even when we were sleepy at 6 am on surgery day. Especially when I got caught in an elevator with him. I replied back with a Kevin! like an ohmygoshhowintheworldareyou Kevin, but I was hoping he didn't pick up on that- or that I had defriended him :(

Our messages back and forth touched on life. I asked about where he was stationed, because duh, I knew he had went to Trooper school, but didn't know where he was based out of, and life at the college in the summer time. Thrilling I dare say. BUT- then I snuck something in there after asking about where he worked, and to this day I am not sure how I pulled this off after deciding to give up on guys. I said "Where are you based?- because if you are near Milly- we should hang out."

Did I really just say that to him??- after declaring to the world, mainly my momma that I was done with guys and never wanted to ever go on another date for as long as I lived? WHAT THE HECK?!

In his reply, he said he lived in Milledgeville, bought a house and "We should defininetly (his spelling) get together sometime and hang out, I would like that!"

Rachel, what are you doing?! So we messaged back and forth a couple of more times about me being so frustrated with my life about trying to buy a house, his commute, my soon to be move to Wilkinson County (since I hadn't found anywhere to live), and why he moved back to Milly from the ATL. Oh..and tried to make plans to meet up for lunch on a Friday.

Then he asked for my number- with some excuse that it would make it easier to communicate and he was on his way to work and shouldn't be facebooking. And I gave it to him.

We texted and I want to say talked some that night, but I dont remember. I know he was at work from 9-5am- and he texted me when he got home. And I was secretly glad he texted me at 530 in the morning.

Then- it was go time. Within 24 hours this guy had messaged me, got my number, and had a lunch date with me. Ok- stand your ground much? Hard to get. Nope, easy to give I guess. He even let me pick where we were having lunch. Lieu's Peking, my all time favorite place in Milly.

I met him there- in my best Orientation work outfit I could pull off- note lots of sweaty makeup and frizzy hair- and couldnt help but be super nervous. I hadn't been on a date in over 3 years (from dating people for long periods of time). I was completely wanting to freak out- but for some strage reason, I didnt. Lunch couldnt have been any better. I talked- he talked- he talked so much that I ate all of my food and he didnt eat any of his- and we sat there for 2 and half hours. With never a dull moment- never awkward silence- never me leaving to go check my face- I did pull the mirror one time to check my teeth. It was the best date I had ever been on.

When we left- I gave him a hug, and then when back in for another one- and he GIVES THE BEST HUGS. I could have stayed there all afternoon and talked to him. It was the craziest thing ever. It was like we had known each other for years- and like our exes were the same people just a different gender. Later that night- we texted and talked and talked. It was the start of something amazing. Tune in tomorrow for part 2.

diary-esque

If I could say one thing to you- oh, from the depths of my heart it would be Thank you. You will never know how grateful I truly am. It was the best decision you could have EVER MADE. Ever ever ever- man- genius move. A few months ago- someone told me "you will look back and know why THIS didn't work out and why something else did".
That same person told me that I would be thankful that this happened, because you. weren't. it. They couldn't have been more right.

If I could say one thing to you- mmm- I think it would be the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Your precious presentation of "how you are" doesnt match up with your actions. But the crazy thing is- I don't even want to say one thing to you.


One thing to you- the rains will come. Heavy and constant. You will be drenched and sometimes soaked to the core. Cold wet and lonely are things you might experience. Know this though: in order for things to GROW, somebody has to give it some water. Your life is like a desert in your times of need, hurt, and exploration. If you never get water in a desert- you die. BUT, if you get water- you live. Know that in order to grow as a person, you will have to get wet to sink your roots down and pull help from the depths of things you never knew existed in you. Sometimes, those rains of hard times and trials seem like they will never end- and maybe for you it will be a hurricane or a monsoon- taking away everything you cherish or leaving you with nothing but a basket of crushed emotions. Growth comes in the times after the watering dear friend. These are the times when you find out who you really are and what you are really made of.

One thing to you: Dr. Suess said "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind". If you really are the words that you describe yourself with, start living up to it. It should be evident and I wouldnt question it. And if your true character is being ^%*^&, then I hope you make some changes to be something different.  Stop pretending to be something you aren't ever going to be. Why do you want to be someone else anyway? You aren't a clone. You are an individual with the Creator's fingerprints all over you being. Just because all your friends "do it" doesnt really require you to do it. Stand out in a crowd, not sit down where no one can see you. Don't follow the "cool" things, set your own course and make life your own.

One last thing: People are put in your life for seasons. Just as the seasons change faithfully every year- so too will your group of friends. Things change for a reason- and we might never understand why, but value those people for the times you get have them in your life and be thankful for them. Many will come and many will go, select few will make it through more than a couple of seasons with you. So invest fully and wholeheartedly in your season changers, because they are doing the same for you.

Circle Hike

Welcome back. I have had a few blog posts on my mind since Saturday, but you can clearly see that I am a procrastinator and am just now posting them. Read on into the reality of Rachel.

Saturday was a different day. I had determined earlier in the week I was going hiking. Not to a state park but to some local attractions. Rock Hawk in Putnam county was the chosen site. I had invited someone to go with me, but they bailed on me and decided they would rather sit around than go hiking. Lame. So off Mowgli and I went. Alone.

We climbed up the tower to see this:

Might not look like a hawk to you, but I could see it. It is an unexplained Indian effigy mound

This was my first hike alone. It was a pretty good hike, except for the signs of poisonous snakes every 25 yards. I was a little freaked out, not going to lie. Mowgli panted the whole time. The hike was up hill mostly, but not too bad.

I was following the orange course. I had been doing great (minus having to look over the entire path many many times for snakes) and then came to this weird fork in the path. The orange sign pointed to the right, but clearly the left was the clearer of the paths. The one on the right had a lot of tall grass. AKA perfect snake hanging out place. So, Mowgli and I started to the right and about one minute in I decided I wasnt going to take my chances of getting bitten. I trecked back to the fork. Or what I thought was the fork. I never got back to the fork really. Somehow I made a WRONG step and I was just going no where but in circles. I ventured one way and said, this isnt right, and then went back to the starting place, keep in mind I NEVER made it back to the fork- or the original one I guess. I just kept going in circles. I walked over this path where someone had dropped a bottle of water and I said to myself, crap I have already been this way. Walked back up to some intersection and decided that I was tired of being in snake country and the water bottle path was my only option. So, we walked back the way we came in. Stupid I know, but I was alone, hot and my poor dog was super tired. We had been hiking over an hour at this point.

In my wanderings, I thought of what it was like for the Israelites to wander around in the desert. For 40 years. In circles. I am sure they passed a "water bottle path" many times. I know the feelings of desperation and hopelessness I was feeling, so I can't imagine what life was like for them. The desert- eek had to be so hot and sweaty and dirty. At least I had shade. I was reminded that even in my wanderings, God is still with me. We can go in circles upon circles and yet, he still is there. He never leaves. How crazy to think that God never leaves, it is only us who choose to leave Him.

I finally made it out of that trail, and was so glad I did. I had seen enough snake signs to last me a while. I didn't see a snake, HALLELUJAH, but was creeped out none the less. When we made it out, we were the only people ones  in the entire park. Not a comforting feeling when you are a girl alone with her dog who isnt very intimidating.

I think I will make sure I hike with either one of two things next time: a gun or another person.

Short List

I just wanted to make a short post before I treck off for work later. I have accomplished a lot of things on my bucket list so far, but have a TON left to do before Friday. We will see how much I can get done in 2 days. Update on life:

It is ok. It could be a lot better or worse, but for the moment it is ok. I am still unsure as to where I will live, so that needs to pick up the pace from a stroll to a trot.

I am having a hard time with accepting things the way they are. It is so hard to not run away or to just wish for something more. I read this verse today and I hope I can make it real to me.

Hebrews 13:5-6 Dont fall in love with money. Be satisfied with what you have. The Lord has promised that he will not leave us or desert us. (Contemporary English Version)

Be satisfied with what you have. This is a hard lesson for me to learn, because I ALWAYS want new something. New shoes, new clothes, new decorations- new new new. I want the best life. I want the best in everything. Be satisfied. Be content with what you have. I know I have a closet full of clothes. I have just as many shoes. I need to learn the value of waiting with my money and saving for something really worth investing in.

Aside from material things- God teach me to be content with what you have given me. It is so hard, but direct my eyes to you and things of you. Steer me away from the new. From the different. From the "greener side". Put my focus on you and teach me what it really means to be content. Teach me to see what I really have.