Where'd the Cookies go?

So many times I hear this from people "I can't wait til Friday (and it is Monday)" "I wish this day would hurry up and end" "Can we fast forward to next weekend (And it is still the present weekend)?

I do this sometimes too, but I have lately been thinking about life differently. We wish away the present and only long for better exciting times in the future. As if this day we have been given isn't enough.

Life does get overwhelming. I know this all too well. Now I don't have major responsibilities, only a job, bills and a dog. Kids, owning a house, being married, appointments and 50 'leven things to do don't surround me. But I do know what it is like to wish days were over and wish we could just live in the happy fun exciting times all the time.

But I think we miss something much bigger than how we see it when we wish away today. You can't change your past- so there is no need to dwell there and keep living in memories that have been written, stamped, sealed, and delivered to closed chapters in the book of your life. You can't predict the future- so there really isn't a point to aim hopelessly at getting at the next day or looking forward to things way down the road to just get us out of where we are today. You can use your past to shape your future. The things you do now set the course for how things could go for you. Take the lessons you have learned, from your mistakes as well as others, take the blessings you have been given, and resolve to not let the things of yesterday or today determine your tomorrow.

How often do you really live in the NOW? Not gazing off for tomorrow in your dreamlike fairytale of a life- and certainly not in the place where you can only visit in memory and not in real life. The NOW. What are you doing NOW?

Do you enjoy the day or is it just a dread and you have to push through, just holding onto a glimmer of hope that tomorrow is GOING to be better? Do you take time (to smell the roses)? Or do you gobble up your day like the Cookie Monster does cookies and have nothing left to show at the end of it but regret and arms wide open with a confused facial expression of "where'd the cookies go"?

Yes- days to suck. Yes- sometimes the past makes its presence known all to well and it clouds our vision for today. Yes- sometimes tomorrow is gonna be more fun. BUT- what are you missing out on today? Maybe it is a long converstation with someone you don't know- or normally wouldn't talk to. Maybe it is getting work done so you can ENJOY that tomorrow. Maybe- just maybe- it is time for you to sit and pray.

I hope you read this and are reminded to live in the NOW. Not what was or could be- but just the now. Don't wish away your todays, because those tomorrows could turn out to be worse, or even yet, not happen. Live in the now- and you wont question where the cookies went.

In the Middle of My Madness

Yesterday evening I went and visited my parents. I don't spend near as much time as I should with them, so I decided just to go hang out for a while. My dad and I talked about a few things, then I went and watched the news. I was quickly reminded why I quit watching the news; there was nothing positive on it. My heart broke for the civilians killed in Afghanistan by the deranged American soldier. The conflict in Syria is overwhelming. So as I sat and watched, I fell asleep. When I woke up, apparently the demons of desperation did too. I went to talk to my deddy and then the flood gates opened.

I cried relentlessly about my life and everything in it. I desperately want to have my own place- and not live around drunk loud college students. I am sick of looking and nothing ever working out. Then my deddy tells me I can't afford a house. Well awesome. So, all these time the past 2 years was a waste. Then I talk about just other things in life and cry some more. My mom comes in from work during the middle of this cryfest.

My deddy is my hero, but he doesn't have a good way with words and emotions. I know it is because his dad was the exact same way. So when my mom got there, he let her take over. So, I sat on a small step stool in my parents kitchen and cried. Not just tears peeking out over my cheeks, but my face in my hands and my eyes soaked and snot literally connecting my jacket to my face.

My parents tried to give their best advice, but somehow I can't really process "you just have to get over it". My heart is so broken at this point, I just honestly don't know what to do. So, I left Mowgli for an overnight and for some alone time.

I come home, work out again, and then sit on my couch trying to hold back the waterfalls again. I ask God to show me something in his word about making things new. I searched "made new" on my Bible app. I skim over a few verses, then one jumped out at me.

Isaiah 43:18 "Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past." Could you have made it any more real God? I find myself in the past a lot. Thinking about what was and why that isn't the case now. This breakup has shaken my world up so much, but right there God says forget that. Continue reading verse 19 "See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and stream in the wasteland."


Ah God, you got me a again. This is how I interpret that verse "Hellooo! I am doing something new in your life- you dont even feel it whelling up in you do you? I am cutting out a path for you in the middle of this lonely place and I am bringing a source of life to a desserted place."

So, even in the middle of my madness of tears, snot, and a feeling of desperation that I can't explain, God says that HE is at work in me- even if I don't or can't feel it. I am so glad God moves in my meltdowns.

Divine appointments

Back again. Whoop. Yeahhh.

Today is a BIG day for me. Im the guest speaker at the BCM (formerly Baptist Student Union for all the people who were in school with me!) and I am kinda still in shock I was even asked to speak. The new Campus Minister is really cool and has a really genuine family here with him in Milledgeville. Why he asked me- I may never know that answer. Maybe he thinks I am awesome.. I will let him keep believing that! Anyway, I will blog about what will have talked about tomorrow. For now, I want to share insight into something my friend Brett Chatham introduced me to my sophmore/his freshman year of college. I think it was then. If it wasn't that exact time frame- it was sometime while we were in college ministry at Northside!!

I wholeheartedly believe in Divine Appointments. That is- There is something other than a coinsidence driving you to where you are and when you come in contact with people. God has ordained these appointments and it isn't just because you live in a small town and see everybody at the store- or isn't just because you get a random phone call out of the blue. No my friends, (if anyoen is even reading this), it is inspired by God.

Let's take yesterday for example. I have been trying to work out more and with that comes walking Mowgli more. Lately, I have been making her walk really far- because I have had a lot to say to God and am trying to listen and commune with him. I decided we would take a different route. I always go right one day and left the next, and make a big square block, but today, I went completely left-and up by First Baptist. I never go "up" this way, I usually come "down" this way on its designated days. Anyway..I pass by Washington Street- the prettiest street in Milledgeville said my late friend Matt Flurry. It is. So pretty with the overlapping trees and just how the road is divided..I decided to not turn down it and just go on up another block.

Im walking, Mowgli is peeing- you know how it goes. And then, I see a really nicely dressed guy walking from the school in my direction- and I'm thinking- why is is professor so dressed up? Anyway as I am getting to make my right turn, this guy says Hey Rachel! And I didnt recognize him, but as he got closer and I heard his voice more, I realized it was a college friend of mine named Jared. He was in town for a Career Fair at the School and doing some recruiting. We made small talk about how I was sorry I couldnt talk to him when he called last month because I was at a conference and then he said I saw about your dog, I am really sorry to hear about that. And I proceeded to tell him yeah, it was really hard, considering it happened right after my boyfriend broke up with me. Jared was so compassionate and said I will be praying for things to get better for you. We talked about some other stuff and then I asked how he was. He got sort or downtrodden and said "I dont know if you knew this or not, but my father passed away in (October I believe)."

At that moment, God gave me a big punch in the stomach. I could hear him saying "See my child, if the worst things for you right now are a breakup and your dog dying, you have it pretty good compared to some other people". Ouch. ohh. Throughout this whole process God has been trying to tell me, someone has things so much more worse than you, so shut up complaining. I have complained a lot, and cried a lot, but complained more. My sweet friend was still coming to grips that his deddy (he says it too!) was not here anymore and my heart just wanted to go out to him.

I talked with Jared for probbaly 10  more minutes about our "plans" and how they always fail if God isnt in them. We talked about being real with God and not being angry, but just being real with God and pouring out our hearts to him and just asking him questions. Read Psalms. My coworker told me one day that all throughout the Psalms people start the passage with "oh woe is me, why are you doing this to me God, I hate my life" kind of beginnings, but by the end, their attitude has changed when they realize God is still God and still in control, even when the world is passing you by or failing you. It is OK to be real with God. It is ok to tell him how miserable you are. It is OK to cry.

What I am learning, through the Word, my true friends who genuienly care about my well being, and my own search for peace with my communion with God, is that it is NOT ok to dwell in this misery, in the bad things of our situations. Dwell: sit or stay or tarry there. You think about it more. It consumes you if you dwell in something (good or bad). Dwell is such an old fashioned word but such a relavent piece of advice. Dwell. it's a fun word to say, like Fransisco! ;0 Dwell, really think about it.

If I want to be happy, or just enjoy what I am given, I must choose to dwell in the place of happiness. Dwell in the arms of Christ that were stretched out on a cross to cover me and my ugly shameful sins. Dwell in the riches that God has promised me- an heir to the throne of a kingdom. Dwell in the peace that passes all understanding (And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:7)

What are you dwelling in friends? When I think of dwell I get the image of a pig who likes to wallow in the mud. They cover themselves with it. Then when it gets dry- the run right back to it and roll around in it some more. Are you rolling around in self pity? Are you choosing to tarry in the mindset of depression?? Are you dwelling on the past and the things that you cannot control? If I am going to be a dweller, I say to you, Imma dwell in the good mud! Not the mud that smells and ruins everything, but the mud that covers me and surrounds me with comfort and peace. The mud that doesnt dry up. The mud that is lasting and sustaining. Im going to dwell in the Lord.

I know that God ordained my sidewalk appointment with Jared yesterday. I know that God puts those little blessings in our lives to remind us that he still cares, he is still there. God hears, every little whimper. Thank God for the Divine Appointments you are sometimes surprised with- and dwell in the Lord.