Friday 1-3

If you read the other day's post, I hope you know that it blessed my heart. What really makes my heart smile is knowing that SO MANY people care about my happiness. 2 of my best friends have told me so much in the past 3 weeks "I am so happy that you are happy!" and "Oh- you dont know what it does to me to know you are happy again!" and one's husband even said it was good to see me happy again. This my readers- is what a true friendship looks like.

To have friends who get HAPPY when YOU are happy. These friends have been through a lot the past couple of months in their own lives, and for them to take a moment out of their personal dealings to wish and bless happiness over me- wow, it is a feeling I cant really explain. It is so cool to know that you truly are loved. Not like in a sob suck face romance love- but a love that can never be broken because of complete understanding of what it means to be a friend. Proverbs 17:17 says that "A friend loves at all times, a brother is born for a time of adversity". All. Times.

This includes the ups- the downs, and the pick yourself up off the floor times. I am grateful for people who TRULY care about my happiness and never try and negate it and take it away from me. From college ministers, to college friends, to people I really have only met once or twice-to people from my church who I thought hated me, to precious best friends- these people are the ones that have been praying me through this trial. And you will never ever ever ever know how awesome it has been to have these prayers wash over me.

I pray I can be that kind of friend. To share in one's happiness and never strangle it out. To support my dearest friends in THEIR times of need. It is so awesome to know people want the best for you. And that when you get it, a small part of them rejoices on the inside because God is so faithful and they got to share in that blessing with you.

So- today is Friday the 13th. My Granny was REAL superstitious and we could never go see her on one of these days- and she had this sign she would do for black cats- and never split a pole if you were walking with her- and she would never walk under ladders. She was very superstitious. (now you are singing that song). I loved my Granny though- she taught me a lot about life. So- to not jinx the day ;) (she is probably rolling over in her grave now) I want you to know that in your times of need- and in your trials- and in the points where you say- I'm over it- know that your truest of friends are praying for your happiness- and praying your through this time in your life. Never steal someone's happiness or try and steal the spotlight for your own life drama when someone else is going through crap. Be there for them, listen to them, give your opinion in a loving way (sometimes you have to be FIRM) and pray them through it.

True happiness comes when those around you experience happiness. And in the moment you share happiness with another- you find yourself a little more complete than you were yesterday.

1st & 2nd Bucket List Completion

A few weeks ago, I made a Bucket list for Spring. Saturday St. Patty's Day 2012- I started on the list. I want to hike all of the State Parks in GA. I have done a few, so I am just trying to catch up since there are 63! Ive done Black Rock Mountain, High Falls, and now Hamburg. I called 2 of the youth that hang out with me a lot and told them I was picking them up and we were going hiking. I packed a picnic lunch and off we went.

I have been to Hamburg many times before, but never hiked it. This was supposed to be a 3.5 mile hike. I am not sure, but we hiked for 3 hours- and I am fully confident it was more like 4 something. We climbed over logs, made out way through briars, and sweated it up. Abby and Ansley are seriously the loudest people I could have chosed to take with me, but we made the most of it.

Here is the injury report:
Abby's legs looked like a cat attacked her because of the serious briar scratches she got.
She also FELL and busted it in front of some fisherman. I couldn't help but die laughing, but also thinking- my gosh please tell me your ankle isn't broken- we are too far into this hike for that.
I have 2 HUGE scratches on my left leg from a briar that literally tore my skin open. It was bloody and now is infected :( and a few others on both legs.
I also received a blow to the face from a downed branch/limb/javelin that knocked me out in the face. Had I not had on my huge sunglasses, I think I would be a cyclops. I am making jokes, but I cried and seriously got the crap knocked out of me. I have a bruise to prove that one as well.
Ansley was the least scathed. She has a few scratches, and got whacked in the back once, but nothing else.

We had our picnic (with a blanket bucket list #2pin) near the water fall and it was so pretty and peaceful. At the end of the day, we all felt super accomplished. It is cool to knock off 2 pins from the bucket list and put them in the bucket! I hope that they all get in the bucket by the end of May!

Crybaby

The time has come- the weekend is over. People keep asking how I'm doing, I just want to say- here, read this and you will know how I really am doing. 


Friday I was the guest speaker for the Health club at Blandy Elementary- then had some special deddy-daughter time at Mellow Mushroom, then my deddy took Mowgli for the weekend. 


So- I was home alone at 8pm on a Friday night.This really isn't how I pictured my life at age 27, but this is how it is. I am sure there were lots of things that I could have been doing, but they didn't happen. At 8:55pm I crawled into bed and then it started. It is awfully amazing how you can see something that reminds you of someone- and then cry. Cry until there is nothing left in you. Cry to the point where you are just holding your tshirt over your face so you dont have to continually wipe the tears away. The cry that makes you feel like every fiber in you is welling up these tears, almost like your body is working against you- because you know you don't want to do this. You have no idea how the body can produce so much fluid and yet it continues to stream down your face. 


So, I literally just laid there and cried. I cried for 40 minutes then tried to get it together and find some comfort in God's word. I searched, but I wasn't really sure what I was searching for- just something to honestly make me stop crying. I read lots of verses, but I kept going back to 1 John 4. The entire chapter. My coworker had shared verse 4 with me earlier,  and I was just drawn to it. It tied in with my post about Jesus overcoming the world. The verse says You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.  I have certainly reached my breaking point 2 and a half months later still, and I am just struggling. I was reminded of the very post that I wrote- Jesus overcame the world and HE IS IN ME. He is more powerful and greater than the stupid liar Satan who is here in this world. I kept reading. The rest of the chapter talks about loving others with God's love and how God's love is made complete in us, as well as while we are here in this world- we are like Jesus.


My attitude changed as I was shown how God really did show love to the world. Am I truly being like Jesus? Ha. The answer is a large and in charge NO. He was in constant communication with the Father, and never complained about his situations. He rejoiced in everything and made it a point to minister to others- even when he didn't want to. My attitude and being hasn't been that- all I have seemed to be doing is crying. Constantly feeling like I am drowning because I am surrounded by an ocean of tears.


I prayed that God would make those verses real to me -then tried not to cry myself to sleep, but that was a fail as well. 


Today, Sunday- urgh. Cryday as well. A tear stained face is how I entered and left church tonight and I had been crying at my parents again earlier that day. Whoever said "It gets easier" lied. I wasn't a cryer before this relationship. Now I cry at the drop of a a hat. Over lots of things, not just my relationship failing. The cries today were at least not as ugly as the one from Monday. Geeze, that was awful. These were manageable, but hurt none the less. 


When will this brokenness leave me? When will I not cry myself to sleep? When will I not cry at the sight of something that reminds me of that relationship and that person? When will it get "easier"? When When When? I don't and won't have the answer for that. I have to remember this is a process- and I am not in control of the refinement department. 


I am not putting all of this out there to make you feel sorry for me. NOT in the least. Sometimes when I write out things it makes it more real to me- or allows me to see how dumb I am being because this sounds completely ridiculous that I am crying this much. Maybe that is part of it. I don't know, but I'm grateful for the friends who notice my tear stained face and pull me away to talk. They know. And I am grateful that they don't judge me when I break down in front of them. 


I am not sure what lies ahead, but I am certain that these tears are cleansing a part of me that is desperate for healing. 

The life I Live

I wanted to blog the other night, but I was too lazy to turn on my laptop and my phone wouldn't let me sign in. So, I'm back today. When people ask how my weekend is, I sometimes want to cry because I am so lame and don't do anything! This past Friday I did get to see a lot of my family for a surprise birthday party. It really does my heart good to see my cousins that are close to my age. They are all so sweet. My dad and I ventured to Milner and had a good time singing in the car. Thanks for raising me on classic rock Deddy!

No Blondes in this family!

Saturday, I braved the elements and took Mowgli on a walk. Hike. Same difference. We walked from our apt to the Greenway. Do you know how far that is? It is pretty far. Im not ever going to the greenway alone again. I felt like someone was going to jump out of the wodds and attack me the entire time. Mowgli was just as paranoid looking around every few steps. Came home and CLEANED the entire townhouse, then went and did makeup for a sweet girl from my church for her 1st Battallion Ball. Fun times with the girls. The finished Rebekah! I must say I do good work!

Janna has been an ever present friend in my time of need.

Then Sunday- church, visit with my parents, then home to watch "He's just not that into you". Perspective is all I can say. Everything in that movie is so dead on. Makes me really think about things after this breakup. Why try so desperately to make things happen that we want, when in turn, we just need to give up.  Because- as a wise friend of mine once told me in college "Whatever "it" is, is going to happen, regardless of if you try and speed it up or slow it down. God is in control, its so hard to remember that sometimes.