Butterfly

Do you ever get to the point where you just say "Ok, I'm done"? Or maybe you aren't like me- and you just keep trying. A lot of people have told me lately that my expectations are too high- unattainable really. That kind of stings- to know that someone thinks that my standards are unrealistic or never going to be met. I have also been told that I am too hard on myself.

Do you ever go out of your way for people? I find myself doing this sometimes. More than sometimes. Do people ever respond the way you think they should or want them to? Not in my case lately. I guess I think my actions and my the reasons why my heart wants to do these actions don't add up with how the world responds. Why do I expect so much out of people- why is it that I think what I am doing is of great benefit to you, but you just see it as a chore?

Sometimes I feel as if I am living in a fog. Not a Claritin cleared up fog either. I think I am bringing something good to the table or to the conversation I guess, and I am quickly reminded that what I thought was something nice- is seen as rubbish.
I don't think my standards are too high. I don't feel as though they won't ever be met. If I am not hard on myself- nothing will get done. Is it wrong to expect so much from people? I am not sure I have the answer to that- but I do know if I have no standards for them to meet, then what is the point of engaging in a conversation/life/etc. with them?

I have tried too long with some things in my life. Tried to make days or lives better. Sunday was the day I decided not anymore. Sometimes things hurt us too much and we have to let them go. Completely. even, when we sit back and say- just one more time, things will change and be different this time. No they won't. Not because of something you did. Only when those oposing forces want it to. "Spread your wings and you will become a butterfly" Mariah Carey said that on her award winning Butterfly album. I have had a few bumps in testing these wings out, but it is time I use them for what they were meant for- to get me from one place time hurt section of life to another.

It is going to hurt. Probably won't really come natural at first. But here is the deal: if it was worth it- both parties involved would be beating those wings fervously to make it to a new point. Not just one. So, as I remind myself of the "the quiet" that I want to live in, I say the flight of the monarch has begun.