Trust. What does that even mean?

Trust. 

This is something I am having major issues with right now. "Trust that God has plans for you." "Trust God and know that he is working in your life for the good." "Trust God to reveal his will to you." "Trust me, you have nothing to worry about with these tickets." "You can trust me, I promise."

Some of those are lies I have recently been told by people (tickets, trusting others).I hear all of that (about God) from people- but I don't know if I even know what that means. Or if I am capable of putting it into action.

I would like to think I am a very trusting person- but I guess I don't know. Maybe I am too trusting. Maybe I don't trust at all. I am not sure what the issue is- but something is there.

It is hard to know that you completely put your trust in people you care about- only to be extremely hurt by their actions or words. It is hard to even allow people to be trusted, especially if you have been wronged in the past over this issue. (For the record, I am preaching to the choir. I know the things I have done have caused people who once trusted me to not trust me at all anymore. I get that.)

Do you ever get tired or praying? I am not trying to sound like a bad Christian- because I love praying- but do you ever get burnt out with it- not just because you aren't getting the results YOU may want- but because you aren't getting any results at all. For the good or the worse. I feel like I keep praying the same prayers- specific prayers asking for intervention from God- for direction and clarity- only to hear nothing back in return. I sometimes feel like God has to get tired of hearing me say the same things over and over and over again. Maybe he doesn't. I don't know. Trust. It is so hard for me to do.

"BUT you gotta trust, you gotta believe, you gotta know that God DOES have a perfect plan for you and His will will be done." That was sent via text to me in the early hours of this morning. I want to, I really do want to believe this, it is just really hard with these series of unfortunate events surrounding my life. I know we live by faith and not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7.  I know that is the whole premise of Christianity. I know that- but I don't know if I truly know it. If I live it out.

Sometimes I just feel like it would be so worth my time to throw in the towel and say I'm out. Sometimes I honestly do want to give up. On everything. Life, finances, people, relationships, health and exercise, responsibilities, everything- and I mean everything.

But. There is something inside of me that says to keep going- even when I don't feel like it. I have so much to figure out in this life it is overwhelming to just consider all of it. Even when I lose all of my hope- and all of my dreams come crashing down- and when the world spins out of control into a crazy chaotic ball of fury- I am reminded that if I don't have faith, I have nothing. So, if you read this- pray for my trust in God to be reaffirmed. Pray that I find myself- and become the person God wants me to be. Pray that I don't give up- even when that seems like my only and best option. Pray I can be a better person to people and be used for the good. Pray that I truly can say I live by faith- and hold not confidence in the things that I can only see or hold in my hands. Pray that I come full circle in this trust thing.