Ramblings

Well, it has been a while since I blogged. It isn't because I haven't had things to say or haven't had the time- its just frustrations. I am not so much a person of routine when it comes to life, there are only a few things that I enjoy doing routinely (brushing my teeth, shopping, things of that nature). I have been up at all hours of the night lately, and could have written my thoughts out- but I choose to neglect writing and bottle those feelings up. Sometimes that is good- sometimes its not.

I am so frustrated with life right now. Let down, disappointed, confused, and just feel like I am starring into a black hole. Nothing seems to be looking up, so it is just really hard to be in this position.

Here is what I am frustrated with today:
Young Adult/College Class- The yaccs if you will. Is it THAT hard to get out of bed and come to church? No, wait. Some of you are already at church, but you leave and don't come to Sunday School. Then you don't speak to me in church but sit within 2 pews of me. That's cool. Oh- and you can even come to church events, but you refuse to come to SS. Seriously- someone else can have this job- because I am giving up on it and the people in it.

Work- If I am doing 2 full time jobs- I should be getting paid like I am doing 2 full time jobs. Don't just assume since I take over one part of an aspect of someone's job that I am agreeing to do it all for free. You can afford to pay me- or this work won't be done by me.

Housing- I have 2 weeks roughly to make a decision about my living arrangements and I am no more closer to figuring out anything that when I started. Just awesome.

Money- Do you know how hard it is to get paid once a month? It is rough let me just tell you. I have learned to budget because of this, but when unexpected money losses occur, it is quite hard to get back on your feet. Really sucks to literally have to be here.

Exercise- I am at the point where I have started hating it again, which isn't good because I am deathly terrified of gaining back everything I have lost. I just am so tired and frustrated with it lately. Seems like everyone else is stronger than me and looks better and I just want to give up.

Softball- Oh my gosh- really, I don't need to get started. First- I had a rough scrimmage the other day and it got the best of me. When did I become so emotional? My coach noticed I was upset, because when I am upset I don't talk or do anything. Just numb. Thankfully he didn't see my 2 crocodile tears slip down my face. I am the only girl on the team, and I take that as a very special privilege. I don't want to be treated like the "sissy girl" of the team, I want to be valued as an asset, but I don't think that is the case. I hit awful the other day and that didn't help my cause. Also- to the loudmouth in the stands- you are going to have to shut up when the season starts- you are ridiculously loud and annoying. Don't come out to the fields thinking you can be that loud- it is not a good thing. I can't focus when I hear you and others talking about how I am hitting. If you are so AWESOME, oh wait- you aren't on the team so keep your comments to yourself.

There. That is all what I am dealing with today. I hung out with some friends Sunday night and he was listening to me complain about life and softball- and told me of an awfully sad story about a new baby from a family friend passing away- and he said "So, just be reminded that someone has it a lot worse than you."

Yes. He was right. Lets's go back through those frustrations and see what blessings I have been given:

YACCs- The ones that come still matter and I shouldn't equate them to the others. At least they do come.
Work- I have a job- with benefits, flexibility, and responsibility.
Housing- If it isn't my time to have a house, it isn't my time. I am not homeless and have 2 options if buying a home doesn't work out.
Money- Though I am missing a lot of $, I have enough stuff (food, personal) to get me through 2 more weeks.
Exercise- I can move and sweat, some don't get that luxury- and do it for free.
Softball- I am the only girl on the team- that should say something. I have been given the ability to play.

Go back over your list and see what you can turn into blessings.