40 day mark

We are 40 days away from the big show. From my last name changing. From all this effort being played out. From becoming a little family. 

Where has the time gone? Seems like just yesterday Kevin and I were on our first date. Little did I know that was just the beginning of the rest of our lives. 

We are in premarital counseling with our preacher who is conducting the wedding. It has been interesting and sometimes frustrating to hear what the other one has to say. We both have learned a lot and make references to those sessions a lot. We had to take a long test online to determine a lot of things- and we scored 100 on a lot of them. Apparently this doesn't happen a lot. We know we have a special relationship that is very different from most of the people getting married these days.

We also had to list our stress level from wedding planning. At the time- I was pretty ok- and my scores reflected a 10 stress level. Kevin's was a 20. In our session Saturday he asked me if I lied on the test because apparently that is not the case now. He said the bulk of his stress comes from me stressing him out about the things I am stressed about. Seems to have gotten a lot more intense since we took that test. 

I don't really think I am stressed so much about the wedding part- I am stressed about the things I can't control. Parking. Weather. Guest list. Those would be the three things I just wish would fall into place. 

Everyone keeps asking me are you getting excited? And I am excited about marrying the love of my life- I just am not at that pure excitement stage. That stage where you get to the point where you don't care anymore about the details and just focus on why you are getting married. People keep saying that at the end of the day we will be married and that is all that matters. I understand that- but that is not anything remotely close to how I see the day playing out. 

I have already planned to expect everything to not go as planned- but I just want to have a special day where everyone gets along, the weather is nice, and the party is worth remembering. 

I have completed a lot of tasks- we have had vendors booked since a week after getting engaged. I have made all of the major decorations but one last thing- hopefully we get that done this week. All my maids have dresses and shoes. The groomsmen's suits will be in soon. My dress ships this week. The table runners are almost done. Showers start this week. Honeymoon got booked last week. I ordered Kevin's wedding band Friday. My fitness routine has picked up. We are making purchases together for our home. 

Life is happening all around us. Sometimes I think this isn't real and my world is just going to stop all of a sudden. I know it isnt going to, but I still have that thought in the back of my head. 

We are getting ready to enter into one of the most sacred covenants and I want our hearts to be in the right place. Not in the ribbon and lights- not in the vanilla cupcakes vs chocolate cupcakes- not even in honeymoon part. I want our hearts to be reflective of Christ and his great love for us. How we can fill those roles and responsibilities to honor God and the one that he has called us to spend the rest of our lives with. How we can choose to build up our other half and encourage them to walk closer with the Lord. 

So, if you are reading this, pray for these last days leading up to the changing of our lives. Pray for peace, direction, stress reduction, and just safety and health over our families and friends.

The everyday leading to more

Last night while literally only having my nose above the bubbles- I came to some conclusions about life. 

I went to that tub to try and see if I could just get away- but the funny thing is- that is where I have the most enlightenments. I just let the jets run and run and- then before I knew it- there was a mile high mountain of bubbles around me. 

Things I thought about while in there: (besides that it was too hot and lacking air flow)

You need a shovel for life. A shovel to dig out the things that don't need to be there. A shovel to get rid of all the crap you may have been dealing with. My history teacher, Dr. George (Dr. G) at JHA would always get his imaginary shovel out when we would start complaining about tests and quizzes. Our class must have had him wrapped around our deceitful fingers- because we postponed everything- even the final exams. He knew we were full of crap- and would just shovel the air away. Quite comical at the time- but so relevant to my life right now. 

People who really don't have your best interest at heart are like a bubble bath. Nice and pretty- then gone. You can blow them away and they don't return. But if you really think about it, they really don't provide anything but a moment. No safety- no cushioning- just a round circle of liquid. Use your shovel to help get rid of some of these people in your life. Though bubbles are nice at the time they are surrounding you- but don't you want to surround yourself with things/people that last?

Lotion smooths out the rough places on your ashy body. Maybe you aren't ashy- but you could be. In life we need to be reminded to put this on when we say or do things that cause a little tension or roughness between others. This week just hasn't been my week. I have snapped on 2 students and one coworker and just really wasn't my nicest self to my director. Kevin has caught a lot of attitude too. And I have not been the nicest to my parents either. To really think about it- I haven't been pleasant at all this week.  I could blame that on a lot of things- but the truth is- it's just me. Nothing else. Sometimes you have to apologize and admit your faults. It is really hard to do, but better for you in the end. 

Doors may be open to new opportunities, but windows give the soul rest.  Windows allow you to see things from a different perspective- and if you want something to change- then you walk through the door. The window is the spark to get the door to open. My office has no windows- so it really stinks being in a complete glass building with no point of view but asylum gray and blue walls. Remind yourself to look out the windows more often. Open the blinds and let the light shine in. 

After almost melting away and fainting from the too-thought-provoking-bubble bath- I stumbled to the couch to be reminded not everyone has a nice landing place when they mess up. 

I know where I can go and I know who I can talk to when the lemons of life get pelted my way.  Sometimes it doesn't feel like lemons- more like grenades- but none the less- I know where to find my comfort. With my hands up and tear filled eyes- I turn to the most Holy. I know a lot of people don't have this safety net or comforting place to rest in, and it burdens my soul to know that they don't experience the peace I do when all of life's frustrations are too much. 

I struggle all to often to be- and sometimes- I have to be reminded that life is hard- you will mess up- you can't give in. So even though this might seem like the strangest post- I know that in order to be made better, I have to be broken down. I also know that in my weakness, Christ's strength is made perfect. 

Get down your shovels, open your windows, and put on your lotion. We have work to do. 

The patience of testing

Frustration with a lot of things lately has made me keep my mouth shut and bottle some things up.

People. Places. Things. People again. Life in general. Working out. The norm- but different. 

Sometimes I know I have to go through these situations so I will get it out to God- and not on my own. I don't do that enough. 

My 13 goals that I made? Well- I am almost done with one book- I have walked my dogs 2 times (total), I haven't turned on my sewing machine, I complain about life more, and I sure haven't been in the Word or praying about it like I wanted. So- not going so well for 2013.

I don't see it as a failure- but I see it as a reminder that I need to try harder. 

My patience gets tested a lot working with students. It ain't always cornbread and ketchup. (it should be noted that my momma's fried cornbread and ketchup is a for real top 10 of my favorite foods)

I have so much work to do on myself. Taming of my tongue and the presentation of a calm spirit. Though my goals I made are important to me- I think I have to take a step back on truly work on myself as a person. 

Patience is a hard step to master. I want that calm gentle spirit. I want that discerning reason. I want to be the peace that I know I can be.

Mess-ups hurt and lack of patience can bring about more pain as well. Sometimes  my boldness does me a disservice rather than help me out. 

My heart just needed a lesson in being gentle and kind- and God sent it at the perfect time through some students who truly made my blood boil. 

This too shall pass and this testing will produce character, perseverance, and the opportunity to change. 

A little bit of love

Today is the day. THE day. The day to show someone how much you love them. To some it is cheeeeesy and to others- it is the highlight of their year to see what their significant other is getting them.

Kevin and I made an agreement to keep it simple this year. I got him 2 new remote control helicopters- and he got me a gun. And an engagement ring.

Clearly I need to shape up to be in contest with him!! :(

I am reminded every year how this year can be SO awesome for some people- and SO terrible for others. Shout out to all my singles out there- Just go get you your own present and spend some money on something you want. Retail therapy is always the best medicine!

Every year I get flowers from my Momma for 2 holidays: my birthday and Valentine's day. I have been getting them since I was in grade school- and that is a long time people! That is my highlight.

I am reminded today of all the things that I have grown to love- I thought I would share them with you. Some are funny- some are sweet- and well- some are just silly- to you.

Enjoy- and what would be on your love list?
In no particular order:

• Mt. Olive pickles- not the brand Kevin likes that smells yuck
• Talks with my Deddy about how to do stuff
• sweet kisses from my dogs- but only when I ask for them- bc they breath be rank.
• When students I have worked with still communicate with me- and ask for my advice
• Sugar Free Vanilla Jello Pudding in the cup
• Being able to text a select handlful of friends that I don't see often and we pick right back up where we left off
• Flowers from my momma- every year.
• Sleeping past 9am
• Making something people think is pretty
• Not having to wash my hair everyday. Can I get an amen?
• Mint green. Seafoam Green. Teal.- be still my heart.
• Peanut butter m&ms. I dont want any other kind.
• Sour patch kids.
• Gummi worms, bears, and whatever else gummy candies.
• My horseshoe necklace I got in memory of my sweet Winnie.
• Flossing my teeth. Everyday. I make my dentist's job easy.
• Peeptoe any shoes
• Homemade labels
• a really old pair of gray sweat pants that Kevin calls my doo-doo sag pants because they are rather large
• New reclining loveseat
• Fuzzy socks to lounge and sleep in
• Vera Bradley
• fake jewelry
• My engagement ring- it was seriously created for me
• Old school popsicles- blue green and pink please
• trips to Hobby Lobby, Michael's, and Joann- My version of heaven looks like this
• I am a sucker for a Kids meal
• My momma's biscuits with her homemade frozen strawberry jelly
• and last but not least- Kevin Paul Pope. He is what I love most. After Jesus. It should be noted that Mowgli has been demoted to 3rd place- so this is a big deal.

That is the love list right now. Clearly I am a FATTY at heart. Oh well.  Happy Valentine's Day y'all.

The prayed for coming true

One thing I have found in common on my friend's blogs is the want for friends. I thought Kevin and I were the only ones desperately praying for God to bring new people into our lives, but when I see other friends are praying for that same thing, it reminds me that others do struggle with this as well.

Why is it so EASY to have tons of friends in college, yet so incredibly HARD to find people to even talk to when you are grown and on your own?

I still am trying to find the answer to this. I think I had a lot of friends in college because I went to a relatively small college- and was super involved in the BSU. Friends were a'plenty there. That's why my grades weren't awesome freshman year- because I had too many friends that I needed to spend time with and didn't spend time with my books!

I think the one basic need besides shelter, food, and the like is acceptance. Everyone wants to feel that they are appreciated, included, and wanted.

Why do kids join gangs? I think.. they want to be a part of something- even if they know it isn't the right something, they know they will have that void of acceptance filled.

Why do people continue relationships that they know are not what is right for them? I think... for that moment in time, it allows them to feel like someone does want them, even if they know this person is not the person they need to be with.

I have never had a lack of friendships throughout my life. The first day of kindergarten I convinced a girl and her brother on my bus to just get off at my house and not their house. While I remember sitting in the yard licking the top off of a pudding cup, my mother was frantically calling the school district and trying to get these kid's address out of them. My new friends were 5 and 7, so not much help in that department. We remained friends until I moved away in the 6th grade.

I do know a lot of people, but today God has reminded me of new friends and ones that have stuck with me over the years.

Kevin and I prayed and prayed and prayed for new church friends the entire fall and summer. It sounds lame to pray for friends, but that was my biggest fear- being lonely.

We have been richly blessed with a Sunday School class that was open to having us join them. Kevin specifically said we were going to a church where we could be mentored. He wanted us to have people invest in us and allow us the opportunity to grow and learn from them. That spoke volumes to me- that he would see the need for that. We are currently the youngest couple in the class- and we are ok with that. We want to learn how to go through this thing called life from others who have been there. We want to share our exciting events with them and share in theirs. It is so rewarding to see this prayer request coming true.

It is a blessing to see the verse "A friend loves at all times, a brother is born for a time of adversity" really play out in my life, not just at church, but through other opportunities we have been given. (Proverbs 17:17)

I think the whole reason behind this post today is that when God allows you to share in blessings, it is truly a rewarding experience. I can see the answers to my tear filled requests being played out on Sundays.

I can also see this request being made new again through old friendships that are picking back up again.

I see the power of forgiveness at work in my life as well. With friends and family- God is at work and I am so thankful that I get to take part in that.

Cross Points

A new trend that has been popping up in fashion since last year is "cross" jewelry and accessories. A quick visit into any boutique and you will see what I am talking about. Pink stone crosses, fat orange cross earrings- necklaces, rings, and the cross in all shapes, sizes, and colors. Google Betsy Pittard and you will see that this girl is blowing up the cross scene. These are some of her pieces you may have seen in Milledgeville or central GA- since she is from Macon. 

                                                   

They really are pretty and are statement pieces. Simple alone and awesome in a bundle. I too am guilty of purchasing some of these things (not a BP Design, but I found mine on the lo-lo from a reallllly awesome website). My newest and one of my most favorite pieces right now is this new bracelet I got on Friday

It is so pretty in its gold hammered metal with these turquoise and red coral beads- and I love the strands that hang down.

(This trend may or may not be making an appearance in the event of the year...).

Anyway, I was reminded/enlightened of something this week when I was trying to decide which cross bracelet I was going to pick. The cross is a symbol for the Christian faith, yet we lose so much sight over how much that cross really means. 

We get caught up in the fashion- In the "it" scene.  I love my bracelet- don't get me wrong. But I just see it as a fashion statement, not as a spiritual piece to me. It is just a shape when I wear it. 

I don't care how pretty you try and make that cross- with it on turned on its side, or in a bright neon color- if you cut the edges- or if you make it longer- or even with a gold or silver chain.  Even if you stack 3 or 4 bracelets on top of it, the truth of the matter is- the "cross" is not a pretty symbol. There should be nothing pretty to you about a man being nailed, with stakes, to a wooden cross with blood pouring from his brow, hands, back, and feet. A cross that was so heavy someone else had to carry it for him. A cross that was lifted up after this man was nailed to it and then dropped in a hole, making it incredibly hard to breathe.

 A cross that was covered with the sins of the world- only so that you and I might live. I don't know about you- but some all of my sins are really ugly. I am ashamed to admit some of them. Some of them would probably make my mother cry and my father want to disown me. And though some of them may be silly to you, they are all ugly and hideous to me. Yet- an innocent, perfect man- took all of my ugliness and filth and nailed it to a cross on my behalf. 

The writer, George Bennard, of "The Old Rugged Cross" got it right. Italicized portions are my emphasis- which I find great comfort and gratitude. 

On a hill far away stood an old rugged cross,

The emblem of suff’ring and shame;

And I love that old cross where the dearest and best

For a world of lost sinners was slain.

Refrain:

So I’ll cherish the old rugged cross,

Till my trophies at last I lay down;

I will cling to the old rugged cross,

And exchange it some day for a crown.

Oh, that old rugged cross, so despised by the world,

Has a wondrous attraction for me;

For the dear Lamb of God left His glory above

To bear it to dark Calvary.

In that old rugged cross, stained with blood so divine,

A wondrous beauty I see,

For ’twas on that old cross Jesus suffered and died,

To pardon and sanctify me.

To the old rugged cross I will ever be true;

Its shame and reproach gladly bear;

Then He’ll call me some day to my home far away,

Where His glory forever I’ll share.

I write all of this- as a reminder to me. To not get caught up in the "pretty" cross craze, but to be ever mindful that my sin was nailed to that cross once and for all. 

I leave you with these verses to think about. 

“He himself bore our sins”in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; “by his wounds you have been healed.” 1 Peter 2:23-25

"For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." 1 Corinthians 1:18

"When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins,  having canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross. And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross." Colossians 2:13-15

I hope you will find truth in the statement I made earlier- the "cross" is not a pretty symbol, yet is is the most beautiful symbol for a lost world. 

The world as it is today

Sometimes my head is really full of ideas. Sometimes- it is as empty as a Wal-Mart parking lot on Christmas morning. I can't decide what today is.

I have a lot of things to think about- but none I am overly excited to put into action. So, I sit here and wait for inspiration. And wait.  

How I dream to be a blogger/writer who is read from beyond my state lines. How I wish that I could make an impact on someones life from giving them advice. How I wish the Pinterest world would blow up (positively)  because of something I wrote.

These are just mere dreams though. In writing my blog, I have come to realize a few things.... There is always gonna be haters.- I would be lying if I said I didn't take a hiatus from here because of the drama I had to deal with about writing. Some people are just really mean. And ugly. And let me let you in on a little secret- God don't like ugly. He probably doesn't like bad grammar either. Oops...And to not lower my standard to that level, I chose to remain in the quiet.

Haters are a good thing to have around. It just fuels the fire for you to remain steadfast in your hopes and goals. Use your haters as motivators- (even if that does sound like it came straight out the hood).

Maybe the things I write about don't knock your socks off- and I am perfectly fine with that. Because of this reason: I don't write to impress you with words or stories- I write  because I want remember these points of enlightenment, frustration, happiness, and heartaches.  Maybe you think all of my posts are lame, and you might be correct about some (hindsight is 20-20), but I am ok with that.

I find myself wanting perfection so many times in life. And I am pretty sure I haven't hit that mark, ever. Not in 28 years on earth. Not in 6 years at my job. Not ever in any relationship that I have ever had- whether that be through my pets, friends, family, boyfriends, etc. I have to be reminded a lot- from my parents and my boss- that it isn't always going to be a pretty road, but I shouldn't give up from a setback. So even though I want to be selfish and have tons of followers, I know that sometimes that isn't a reality. This blog by no means is perfect- but thankfully I am not either.

Character is not defined by a moment. It is what you choose to do in those moments that show your true character. You can't do anything about the haters, but you can make yourself better. That mistake or messup is not the end. Trust me, ohh I am poster child of this. Find what you love- and go get your dreams.

So if you are here and reading this, thanks- it truly means a lot. Maybe one day I will write something you can identify with- or understand. Come back soon.

Thanks- Rachel