Here I Go Again

..going down the only road I've ever known.

Monday.  Monday.  Monday. Didn't post last week because of the ice- even though I had 2 days off- I just chose to be lazy. Well- not really. I cleaned up our house- even vacuumed the mattress and pillows on our bed and cleaned the bathroom.

Georgia- you sure have been crazy lately. Snow- real fluffy snow- iced roads- a catastrophic event in Atlanta- 2.5 days off from work- then turn around and do it all again 2 weeks later- ice this time and 2 days off again. I am not complaining about not going to work. And then an earthquake on Valentine's day night. Go home Mother Nature, you're drunk.

 

My revelations of  these past events: crazy. This is crazy. 

The only thing that can make this ice and snow go away is heat and light. We had snow in our yard for a while because it was in the shade. People were put in the darkness from these storms because of ice and trees on the lines. Some didn't have power for days. The only thing that would make them happy is to have their lights back on. To feel the warmth and to be able to see in the dark. To feel alive again, because the dark can be a scary and depressing place.

Funny. That is how our lives are. So dark and so cold. Depressing and meaningless- and sometimes scary. Yet again- the only thing that can change our hardened hearts is light. The light of Christ. Only He can melt the heart of stone.

My heart has been heavy to pray for people that I am related to/can't stand/don't like/ but know that the need Jesus to change their heart (even when they tell me they don't need any extra prayers or any help from me).

If you look in these pictures of the trees and bushes from my yard, you will see there is something encased in the ice. I can see the potential of it to come back to life, but I can not melt the ice or unfreeze it. Only light can do that. I see people like that. There is potential for them to be made new, it just has to be unfrozen.

So this week, I pray for the words to pray for others that I don't like. I see the challenge God has laid before me. It isn't for me to change them or fix them- the challenge is for me to pray for them when I. Don't. Want. To. Only Christ can change a heart- bring it to life- and melt the cold, bitter, hatred, spiteful, and mean heart- and raise this life up from the dead.

Maybe my heart needs to be melted as well. Funny how God gives you grand ideas that you think can change the world- but honestly he is just trying to change you me. 

This aint Nintendo

Yesterday was a pretty rough day for me. As you may have read (if you didn't- here it is). Not only were my feelings and my pride hurt, I cried a lot. At work. I didn't even cry at home when I was originally upset Wednesday night about it- but cried really bad in a dear friend's office. 

So as I quietly lost control over my emotions yesterday about my blog not being as life changing as someone else's who got 50K views in 2 weeks of its inception- and I have to BEG people to comment about mine so I can give them free stuff- just to reach 11,000.. I proceeded to tell my coworker why I was upset- I told her that we as humans try to downgrade other's stages of their lives by saying "just wait til.. you are married..you have kids...til you are an adult..til the newlywed stage is over. Til you hit this age. On and On and on. What we are doing is taking away joy and cheating people out of happiness and living their life in their current place. We are saying that you have to get to the next level to have success or find your purpose.  This ain't Nintendo. This is real life- and I DON'T have to get anywhere but at the feet of Jesus.

I told my friend that I didn't need to get married to have my identity validated. I don't have to wait until I have kids to realize my purpose. I don't have to do X, Y, or Z to be successful. I don't have to one-up anybody- because it doesn't matter. Christ is where my identity is found- and all this other stuff is just extra. I said these words even as my other friend was texting them to me. She said "Your worth doesn't come from your blog- Your worth comes from Jesus, the Son of God!" 

I was also reminded that in the grand scheme of things- it is ok if I am not as cool/ popular/awesome as anyone else- because Jesus should be enough.

I seem to give myself great advice when I am in the middle of a letdown- and God seems to provide His Truth in times of need- I just choose to not listen to either sometimes.  

My husband went out of his way to send me verses that told me truth of comparing myself to others. There were 29 verses- but one stood out most. "Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ" Galatians 1:10

Straight to the heart- because I'm so vain. Not. About. Numbers. Rachel. God sees the heart. 

Late that night, Another sweet friend texted me some really uplifting words before I went to sleep. I needed to be reminded that "It is nice to be important, but it is more important to be nice". 

Sometimes we have a bad crappy no good day. Sometimes- in the midst of our shadows, the light of Christ comes to us from someone/somewhere we didn't expect- because someone chose Jesus as the answer. I just needed my true friends to remind me of grace- and that who cares what the world says or does. 

 Thanks for reading. Even if the numbers never change, I will know that I can take my own advice when I need it again. 

Dreams Crushed

There are times when I think I am on top of the world. These times do not happen often. I would say maybe 15% of the time. The rest- oh the rest are the times when I am defeated, deflated, and broken hearted. 

It seems like it is always always an uphill battle. Yesterday was one of those days. So often I have these dreams and plans and really good ideas (in my mind- I'm sure others would beg to differ)- and so many times they get crushed. Shattered.

More like a pinata beaten with a pair of scissors and ran through a paper shredder. 

Sometimes I just feel like no matter how hard I try- it is never good enough. Our devotion was about this the other night- but it talked about marriage and not just in general. Maybe I need to re-read it since I was half asleep when we did it. 

It is very hard to sit back and watch others do something that you wanted to do or enjoyed doing (or felt you were good at) and see them gain success and fame and praise.

Let me say this: it is not that I don't want others to be successful- that isn't it at all. I do want that for others. I am proud of my friends in all their triumphs and beautiful stories. I just question why I keep missing the opportunity bus. 

As I sat at our big dining table and wrote addresses on cards last night- I felt the sting of tears fill my eyes. I choked them down and went and locked myself in our bathroom. As I stood looking up to God asking a million and 1 questions as to why I can never be "that great" or "why no one thinks I am that great" or "why is there always another step to be "great" to the world" and just plain "why are you doing this to me God"- I didn't really get an answer. All I did was just stand there and hurt. 

Pride is a weird thing. I don't want to boast about myself and come across as the world revolves around me- I like the humble side- yet at the same time I want people to thing I am awesome. I do want that praise that I finally did something right. Not for me to be filled with lavish admiration, but for me to finally feel as if I did something that benefited someone.

My sweet husband came and found me after I had showered and calmed down (he has to hear ALL of my frustrations, be glad that isn't you). He says to stop comparing myself to others. I tell him he has no idea what it is like to be a girl- and he agrees. It isn't that easy, but I wish it was.

I don't have any life changing words to say about this. I tried praying about it but got so frustrated I quit. I'm sure I could find some scripture to change my heart- but I'm not there yet. I'm hoping this case of the blues- more like grays and blacks- will soon pass. 

Already February

Has it gone by that quickly? February. Geeze- where did January go? I can tell this year is going to fly by.

I took a week off from the snow last week. This week I don't have much to say. No really.

I have been in a reflection of what I want and don't want for this year- or my life-and I am just not sure. We have made some major changes- and I know many more will be coming.

I am praying for wisdom. Sometimes- you just don't know what you want or can't understand what God wants for you. Sometimes- I talk a really big game and then when push comes to shove- I'm not so confident. More often than not- I am just lazy. Kevin said if I was to ever be in a position to not work- all I would do is sleep.

He may or may not be correct in his statement. I am a good competitor for that title.

Sometimes I just get sick of the way things are- but when I really break it down- I realize how good I have it. Maybe I won't be in a manic Monday mood tomorrow and can write about something interesting. Probably not. I really am not that interesting of a person.

If you spent a day with me- you would think the same. I talk to my dogs about problems with life and keep waiting for their answer. My daily goal is to make my husband laugh out loud. Sometimes I dance- other times I sing (really off key), and sometimes I just make funny voices. He doesn't laugh 90% of the time- but I keep on trucking none the less. I cook dinner- and do a terrible job at the dishes. I have to make agreements with my husband to the tune of "Ok- I will stop doing this- if you start doing this" (pick up on that tune word..in order to get him to floss). We watch some tv- mostly that we don't agree with- and thats it.

So- tomorrow I hope for a better mood- a clear head and a desire to do something worth it.

More

Let me start with a preface: When I blog- I normally just sit down at my desk and write whatever comes into my mind- I don't plan it- I don't force it. I just write. (There are a lot of things I WISH I could write, but I choose to not let my flesh get the best of me.) This post will be different. Last week after I posted about "what would you like to see"..a small whisper came through someone else's post on Facebook. I made my comment- then on Sunday, our Sunday School lesson confirmed what I needed to say.

Too often I hear people, "Christians" for that matter, say "God will not give you more than you can handle" when others are going through a rough time. If you believe this lie, I have to question your basis of your entire faith.

 I learned in 2012 that I didn't want your anyone's advice if it wasn't scripture based. Don't tell me what to do because that is how you see it- tell me what Jesus says about it- because in the end, that is the only thing that will hold true against whatever the world throws at you me.  

Back to "not more than you can handle". Where is that verse? That's right, it isn't in there. Scriptures are very clear that God will indeed allow you to go through so much more than YOU can handle- but it comes with a promise and a comfort. Let's look at some specific examples to convince you more.

Noah. God told Noah to build an ark (arky arky- out of gopher barky barky- flashback to church camp). Noah didn't know what an ark or rain (See Genesis 2:6) were, because he had never seen them or heard of them. God said build me this monstrosity of a boat (Genesis 6:14) because I am sending floodwaters (Genesis 3:17) to cover the earth because I regretful for making humans because they have disappointed me. Noah made the ark and was on it for a really long time- with lots of animals (and animal smells) and his family (closed in and no way from getting away from them- or the smells). This was much more than Noah could handle- but God provided for Noah and his family because of his faith. Never again will the Lord flood the earth because Noah listened and trusted God.

Abraham. Our Sunday School lesson was about Abraham and how he trusted the Lord to provide during an uncertain time. God had promised that Abraham would "be the father of many nations" (Gen. 17:5)- numerous as the stars. Then, the unthinkable happened. God told Abraham to take Issac to Moriah and sacrifice him unto the Lord. God had given Abraham a son after much long waiting- and promised that his descendants would fill the earth- and now he asked him to sacrifice him as an offering to him. Again, more than Abraham could handle. Abraham listened and did as he was commanded- and God saw his faithfulness and saw how much Abraham truly trusted him. God provided on that mountain. (Read the rest of the story here).

Many others come to mind when thinking about having to deal with more than they could handle- only for them to fully trust him and have him bless them because of it. (you will have to read the stories to see how they ended)

Moses. You are going to free the captive and lead them to the Promised Land-in the desert. It is your responsibility to get them there. 
Joseph. Your brothers will turn on you and drop you in a well.
David. I need you to slay this giant.
Gideon. Go wipe out the Midianites- oh and I am cutting your army from 32,000 to 300. 
Job.  A lot of awful things are going to happen to you- you will lose everything. Plagues, death- but just stay true to me. 

Mary. Hey you are going to have a baby and still be a virgin- and he will redeem the lost for my sake. But this is no ordinary baby- so just trust me.
Joseph. Your fiance is pregnant- not by another man, but by a miraculous sign of me- and you are to be his dad and raise him.
Any of the disciples of Christ. Come follow me and I will make you fishers of men. He didn't give any more details- but just give up your life to come with me. 

Do you not think any of these were "much more than they could handle"? I think they were exactly that and more. Try and put yourself in any of their positions. The ultimate example would be Christ himself.

Son, I am sending you, in your perfect form,  to earth for the redemption of mankind. You will live among them and then be killed by the same ones. You will bear the sins of all mankind- even those yet to come. You will not just die, but you will be brutally tortured and beaten, mocked and spit upon, and be crucified- the most awful form of death possible- only to show my great love for the world. You will still love these people and go through all of this to bring many sons to glory. One last point. When you do die, you will be separated from me. But- trust me through it all.

No. That isn't more than he could handle. Totally doable. 

Right.  

Jesus said he was "overwhelmed, even to the point of death".(Matthew 26: 38).  Yes, it was more than he could handle on his own. Luke even says that Jesus was in so much anguish, his sweat was like drops of blood (Luke 22:44).

Jesus trusted God, (as did those mentioned before) even in his weakest point, because he knew that God was going to provide. Jesus' story doesn't end at the cross, thankfully. Through his death and resurrection, we have everlasting life in him. I am grateful for his faithfulness! As the song says "Why should I gain from His reward? I cannot give an answer But this I know with all my heart His wounds have paid my ransom" (Listen here).

 The next time you hear/see someone use this phrase, I hope you choose to convince them otherwise. God does allow you to go through more than you can handle, only for you to give it to Him- so that he can make all things new. 

Things would be very different in these stories had these people not trusted God. He provided- more than they ever could dream because of their faithfulness. 

Stay with Christ, even when the hard times come- and he promises to stay with you (John 15:4). Find hope in these verses about hard time.

Ecclesiastes 3:11 He has made everything beautiful in its time.  
Psalm 66:10 For you, God, tested us; you refined us like silver.  
11 You brought us into prison and laid burdens on our backs.
12 You let people ride over our heads; we went through fire and water, but you brought us to a place of abundance.

James 1:2-4 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

1 Peter 1:6-7 In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.  These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed

2 Peter 2: 7-9 and if he rescued Lot, a righteous man, who was distressed by the depraved conduct of the lawless (for that righteous man, living among them day after day, was tormented in his righteous soul by the lawless deeds he saw and heard)—  if this is so, then the Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials and to hold the unrighteous for punishment on the day of judgment. 

This one was a long one- but thanks for reading. Leave a comment on my FB as to why you read it or what you want to see- or on here- so I can enter your name in a giveaway. A beautiful hand-painted watercolor is up for grabs!

It just takes one

Just one bad thing to ruin your day. Whether that be your hair not cooperating- your closet not bearing anything worthy of being worn- or the sight of someone you don't want to see- it only takes one.

As a girl- I can say we have a lot more "one" days than guys. Makeup, shoes, the whole getting ready process- the shopping process- you get my drift. My husband is making his own gun and when his drill bit became consumed in whatever he was drilling- he was mad but he didn't dwell on it. When he broke something of some kind of ring for the gun- he got upset- but didn't stay there. 

Not me. I am not like that- but I wish I was. That one thing then turns into a million for me and I just let it eat me up. The whole day is a waste. Why do we get so frustrated? Well, maybe you  don't- but I sure do. 

A long time ago someone (jokingly) said Hezekiah 4:7 says "Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape". A good virtue- but not an easy task. 

"I can't win for losing" "If I didn't have bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all" "Everything and everyone is out to get me" "Could this day get any worse"- I have said these words to myself many many times. Over pointless things. (well at the time they do not seem pointless, but when I tell someone else, that's when I realize how worked up I have gotten over something small).

I was really frustrated today about something that was out of my control- but created a  REALLY awkward position for me to be in. Social media I swear is going to be the death of me. Get in trouble for this. Get in trouble for that. Don't you dare make a comment here- and don't you dare have a picture here- or there. Grief. 

Today on my way home to lunch I was reminded of how much God blesses me. I heard this song from Dave Barnes- I had never heard it before- and I just had to stop. Stop and really think about where I am and why I am frustrated.

After I got home, I reminded myself of the words my husband (he is so much calmer and discerning than me) told me earlier- and I just paused and thanked God for the blessings. Kevin said "Look at your left hand". Hmmm. That is enough for today. "Do my best to change what I can- I've got more than I ever thought I would". 

I hope you too on this Monday find the "good" in your life. It only takes one good thing to far outweigh that one bad thing. Listen to this song when you are down- and know that God is still in the business of blessing and I am praying for you. 

-Rachel 

A new start-and goodbye to the end.

2014 has come upon me a lot quicker than I anticipated.

Let's cut to the chase. Here are the things we will be leaving behind from 2013- that I, we, will not bring in to 2014. No way no how- not now. (A little Dr. Seuss for you on this arctic chill day).

D-R-A-M-A  drama- oh oh- you got that way because of your si..and just like that we leave it there. Team Pope has vowed to not let the last 2 months of 2013 hell carry over into the rest of our lives. One side of the coin is much better than before, praise the Lord!- but the other side- well, we are just leaving it flipped over and not worrying about it any more. Leaving the Jerry Springer episode to be continued (but in my mind- honey the show has been canceled and we movin' on up).

Negativity. You and all you bring have no place or welcome in our home or mouths or lives. Holla.

Pointless investments. We don't have the time, effort, or desire to engage in things that are not worthwhile. Bring on the real stuff, because  we ready...we ready..we ready for yall. (if you don't get that music throw back, I am getting really old).

The daily comparisons. You are out like power in a snow storm. We will take what we have been given and rejoice in it- and not woe is me ourselves when we look at what our friends have been blessed with. 

Now- on to what we hope for and are excited about in 2014. 2013 was incredibly good to us, despite our family feuds, so I can't fault it too much.

We look forward to White Cosby's 70th birthday in February- Kevin's 30th in May- and mine (oh. em. gee.) in August. Thank you Lord for a late summer birthday, so I can hold on to 29 8 more months! We will celebrate 1 year or marriage in April- that is crazy we are at the 8 month mark. Time flies when you marry the man of your dreams.

Kevin will take a big test soon for work and we are hoping for good results. He is pretty smart, so I think he will do fine. 

My mom will get a much needed knee replacement and we are praying this goes well and that it is a huge help to her. You can join us if you like. 

My sweet Jackson- the oldest of the elite 8- will be 13. I think I am going to cry. 

We hope to establish some sort of ministry with friends in the coming months. My heart is heavy laden to use our house for good, and my husband gives me his full support. 

We plan to enjoy every moment we can together. Lately we have gotten really good at watching movies and hanging out. I'm not complaining. 

I see our spiritual lives getting stronger- because of the deep desires we both have to be the best we can be for our other half and to serve the Lord. It is an amazing thing to hear your husband pray- even when you dont have the will or the words. It also makes my heart smile to know that my husband's relationship with the Lord is much stronger than the relationship we have. 

We will try new things, take in the view, and be ever mindful that that Lord has been good to us. We will listen more, pray harder, and be in the moment. We will allow God to be the potter and we will be the clay. 

I hope to make some meaningful investments in people this year. I had the privilege to work with the youth for the past 7 months and we pray for new relationships for this year. 

So there it is. A different approach to a new year. Positivity and a whole lotta prayer. Although weight loss and fitness would be nice (cause let me tell you...married life looks gooood on me. A little too good if you know what I mean.) 

Thanks for reading! Stay tuned. Mondays will be blog days. I really am committed to see this thing through this year. Keep coming back. I just might do a giveaway soon. :)



- Rachel