Divine appointments

Back again. Whoop. Yeahhh.

Today is a BIG day for me. Im the guest speaker at the BCM (formerly Baptist Student Union for all the people who were in school with me!) and I am kinda still in shock I was even asked to speak. The new Campus Minister is really cool and has a really genuine family here with him in Milledgeville. Why he asked me- I may never know that answer. Maybe he thinks I am awesome.. I will let him keep believing that! Anyway, I will blog about what will have talked about tomorrow. For now, I want to share insight into something my friend Brett Chatham introduced me to my sophmore/his freshman year of college. I think it was then. If it wasn't that exact time frame- it was sometime while we were in college ministry at Northside!!

I wholeheartedly believe in Divine Appointments. That is- There is something other than a coinsidence driving you to where you are and when you come in contact with people. God has ordained these appointments and it isn't just because you live in a small town and see everybody at the store- or isn't just because you get a random phone call out of the blue. No my friends, (if anyoen is even reading this), it is inspired by God.

Let's take yesterday for example. I have been trying to work out more and with that comes walking Mowgli more. Lately, I have been making her walk really far- because I have had a lot to say to God and am trying to listen and commune with him. I decided we would take a different route. I always go right one day and left the next, and make a big square block, but today, I went completely left-and up by First Baptist. I never go "up" this way, I usually come "down" this way on its designated days. Anyway..I pass by Washington Street- the prettiest street in Milledgeville said my late friend Matt Flurry. It is. So pretty with the overlapping trees and just how the road is divided..I decided to not turn down it and just go on up another block.

Im walking, Mowgli is peeing- you know how it goes. And then, I see a really nicely dressed guy walking from the school in my direction- and I'm thinking- why is is professor so dressed up? Anyway as I am getting to make my right turn, this guy says Hey Rachel! And I didnt recognize him, but as he got closer and I heard his voice more, I realized it was a college friend of mine named Jared. He was in town for a Career Fair at the School and doing some recruiting. We made small talk about how I was sorry I couldnt talk to him when he called last month because I was at a conference and then he said I saw about your dog, I am really sorry to hear about that. And I proceeded to tell him yeah, it was really hard, considering it happened right after my boyfriend broke up with me. Jared was so compassionate and said I will be praying for things to get better for you. We talked about some other stuff and then I asked how he was. He got sort or downtrodden and said "I dont know if you knew this or not, but my father passed away in (October I believe)."

At that moment, God gave me a big punch in the stomach. I could hear him saying "See my child, if the worst things for you right now are a breakup and your dog dying, you have it pretty good compared to some other people". Ouch. ohh. Throughout this whole process God has been trying to tell me, someone has things so much more worse than you, so shut up complaining. I have complained a lot, and cried a lot, but complained more. My sweet friend was still coming to grips that his deddy (he says it too!) was not here anymore and my heart just wanted to go out to him.

I talked with Jared for probbaly 10  more minutes about our "plans" and how they always fail if God isnt in them. We talked about being real with God and not being angry, but just being real with God and pouring out our hearts to him and just asking him questions. Read Psalms. My coworker told me one day that all throughout the Psalms people start the passage with "oh woe is me, why are you doing this to me God, I hate my life" kind of beginnings, but by the end, their attitude has changed when they realize God is still God and still in control, even when the world is passing you by or failing you. It is OK to be real with God. It is ok to tell him how miserable you are. It is OK to cry.

What I am learning, through the Word, my true friends who genuienly care about my well being, and my own search for peace with my communion with God, is that it is NOT ok to dwell in this misery, in the bad things of our situations. Dwell: sit or stay or tarry there. You think about it more. It consumes you if you dwell in something (good or bad). Dwell is such an old fashioned word but such a relavent piece of advice. Dwell. it's a fun word to say, like Fransisco! ;0 Dwell, really think about it.

If I want to be happy, or just enjoy what I am given, I must choose to dwell in the place of happiness. Dwell in the arms of Christ that were stretched out on a cross to cover me and my ugly shameful sins. Dwell in the riches that God has promised me- an heir to the throne of a kingdom. Dwell in the peace that passes all understanding (And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:7)

What are you dwelling in friends? When I think of dwell I get the image of a pig who likes to wallow in the mud. They cover themselves with it. Then when it gets dry- the run right back to it and roll around in it some more. Are you rolling around in self pity? Are you choosing to tarry in the mindset of depression?? Are you dwelling on the past and the things that you cannot control? If I am going to be a dweller, I say to you, Imma dwell in the good mud! Not the mud that smells and ruins everything, but the mud that covers me and surrounds me with comfort and peace. The mud that doesnt dry up. The mud that is lasting and sustaining. Im going to dwell in the Lord.

I know that God ordained my sidewalk appointment with Jared yesterday. I know that God puts those little blessings in our lives to remind us that he still cares, he is still there. God hears, every little whimper. Thank God for the Divine Appointments you are sometimes surprised with- and dwell in the Lord.

Bucket List

It is perfectly fine for me to say I have had a rough past 2 months. Rough might not even begin to explain it. Miserable would be a good word. BUT, I decided the other day that I need to quit thinking about all of the negative things and actually work to making positive memories. (My friend told me JUST last night- in response to how does your heart heal after your boyfriend dumps you and your dog dies- "Time..but you cant dwell in the past. And if you do, why dwell on the sad negative things. think of the good things".  So profound. So risky. So true. I want to live in the present and not dwell on the past. So, thank you friend who sent me that text. I have it locked for future reference when I have a pity party again.

I made a Spring Bucket list the other day. Sounds lame, but it is more of working towards goals for me. I got out some clothes pins, a small pail from the flowers my mom sent me on Valentines day, and some cardstock and tape. I made a list in my planner and then transferred each item to the pin. My Graduate Assistant will tell you if I don't write things down, it doesn't happen. Seriously- how did I get voted Most Dependable in High School??? I have no idea. Because if I dont physically write down things- they don't happen or don't exist.

So- I wrote down the things I want to accomplish between March and May. Some of them are really awesome- and some of them may seem incredibly petty to an outside viewer, but I want to do them.

A few of the things are: Hike/visit all of the state parks in GA (there are 7 to visit in this time frame); Sew something from a pattern; Write a song worth singing (I have so much in mind for this); Paint a picture worthy of hanging (Because I cant stand painting something and then it not being cool after a few months); Go to a Braves Spring game; Go camping- with a tent (I have only done this once in my life and I really just want to do it again). I think there are about 25ish bucket list things. I have a lot of work to do. But I have to get myself out of this self pity party that I have been having. I want to make some new memories and learn to love life again.

I hope that in reading this you will think of all the things you would like to accomplish in yoru life and make a bucket list. I started short term, Right now I don't have a MAJOR bucket list of things to do before I die, but there are these things that would add to the satisfaction of my present state. Live in the present; dont dwell on the past. 

I have always said "Your past is in the past for a reason, you can't change it, but you can prevent your future". Whether you make a "bucket" list or set out to change your life, I know that good memories are much more becomming than negative ones that way you down. You grow from positivity. Negativity kills. Your choice.

The life I Live

I wanted to blog the other night, but I was too lazy to turn on my laptop and my phone wouldn't let me sign in. So, I'm back today. When people ask how my weekend is, I sometimes want to cry because I am so lame and don't do anything! This past Friday I did get to see a lot of my family for a surprise birthday party. It really does my heart good to see my cousins that are close to my age. They are all so sweet. My dad and I ventured to Milner and had a good time singing in the car. Thanks for raising me on classic rock Deddy!

No Blondes in this family!

Saturday, I braved the elements and took Mowgli on a walk. Hike. Same difference. We walked from our apt to the Greenway. Do you know how far that is? It is pretty far. Im not ever going to the greenway alone again. I felt like someone was going to jump out of the wodds and attack me the entire time. Mowgli was just as paranoid looking around every few steps. Came home and CLEANED the entire townhouse, then went and did makeup for a sweet girl from my church for her 1st Battallion Ball. Fun times with the girls. The finished Rebekah! I must say I do good work!

Janna has been an ever present friend in my time of need.

Then Sunday- church, visit with my parents, then home to watch "He's just not that into you". Perspective is all I can say. Everything in that movie is so dead on. Makes me really think about things after this breakup. Why try so desperately to make things happen that we want, when in turn, we just need to give up.  Because- as a wise friend of mine once told me in college "Whatever "it" is, is going to happen, regardless of if you try and speed it up or slow it down. God is in control, its so hard to remember that sometimes.

Time..So Much Changes Over Time

Wow. My life is so completely different than it was in May of 2011. So much has changed. I missed blogging. I missed these memories I wanted to keep in written form. I want to do better at that. I want to set a goal to blog at least 3 times a week. Nothing fancy, but a recap. Right now, I'm learning the hard way that life doesn't go at all as we as mortals plan. But, thankfully I serve God, and even though his way hurts sometimes, his way is better than mine. I just have a hard time admitting or wanting that. I read a verse the other day and I want to share it with you. Right now, "you" is empty space, because I know no one reads this. But I will humor myself. "Overhearing what they said, Jesus said 'Don't be afraid, just believe.' Mark 5:36" I am not sure of what you are going through right now- but I can tell you this word speaks comfort. Whether is is monsters under your child's bed, a relationship that ended out of no where, the passing of your beloved pet, uncertainty about the future, or just plain old not having anything to hold on to and feeling alone, Jesus himself said for us to not be afraid. I personally have had ALL of those things happen to me (minus the kid part) in the last month. My perspective on life has truly changed.

If Christ himself said for me to not be afraid, man, that speaks volumes to my lonely heart. Just believe. That is Macy's motto for Christmas "Believe"- and they put that on a huge strung up sign ont he side of the building in New York. Now, their belief is in the magic of Christmas. Thank God I believe in the miracle of Christ. But you see how powerful that belief is??? The things we hold true are the things that will in turn be evident in our lives.

Believe it will happen. Believe God is Sovereign and he does want good things for his children. I heard it said on the radio right after my break up that "you are either going in a storm, inside of a storm, or coming out of one and this is to be expected as Christians". This is so true. God is always refining and sharpening us, maybe even taking away some of the "comforts" of this earth to make us more like him. Does it hurt? Most assuredly. Does it make us feel vulnerable and uneasy? Of course. Is it worth it? To be more Christ-like is always worth it- whether we enjoy the trials or not. I say this, and right now I am in one of the lowest times of my life, but I know that God is faithful- and will never leave me. Even in the midst of my wanderings, God is still there and still in control, regardless of what I try to do to speed up my life or slow it down, God's will is ultimately going to be the one that makes a difference in my life. Not me.

It has been a remarkably hard past 2 months. My heart was broken in places I didnt know it could be broken. I have cried more in the past 2 months than I have in my entire life- i could fill an ocean with my tears. God is working on me, and friend, it hurts, but I have to hold confident that He who began a good work in me will complete it. (Phil 1:6)

I want to share my thoughts even if for my own benefit of release. I hope you find this journey fun, because I know I have to be Bound For More that what my present state is.

Summer 10

Well- last year I traveled all over. This summer- not so much. I will be working and just trying to stay sane. To do this- I have started crafting. My sewing class I took this spring has really spawned me to get in action. I have been sewing some light and easy stuff- still getting my feet wet. I have recently learned how to make tutus and hair bows. This is really fun! If you need a cutesy gift- call me. My goal is to make enough stuff over summer to sell at Deep Roots in October. Apron, hairbows, tutus, pillows and placemats. Thats the goal. I have made about 5 bows this week- so I am on a good start. Crafting is an exppppeennnsiiive hobby! But I lvoe it and it keeps me from being bored at work. My Business name is "The Brown Robin's Bobbin™". Look for some updates on here. I will have to take some pictures of everything I have been making with my actual camera- not my phone. I really like it- I just need more money! I have decided to sell the tutus for between $20-$25, depending amount of colors and if it has sparkles. Hair bows- between $5-8 for Korkel bows and $1 bitty bows. 

Aprons will run about $20-30 depending on how flashy it is. I really need to get on the ball with these because the binding takes FOREVER. But I can do it. So- with all that being said- give me a call if you want some cute girly stuff. 

I got a drastic hair cut! I needed something different and I got bangs. And I love them. When I fix them. Today they are pinned up with some good ol' bobbys. 

First trip of the summer: World of Coke and a Braves game with some of my Croatia friends. We had a blast!  

 

A strong dose of honesty

My friend Brian showed me a video on youtube by this kid who tells you the things he hates. He is really dramatic and hits some things dead on the head. Search for the video "Things I hate"- it has a LOT of profanity in it though- so be fair warned. Im having a crappy day because of things that I hate- so I thought I would entertain myself and write about it and not say any more mean (apparently) things today. I know hate is a strong word, it just makes the story better for me to use it- some of this really is hate and some of it is strong dislike. 

• I hate hotdogs, hotdog water, and the mere talk of them. EW. No- I would not eat one if I was starving. I dont care how hungry I was/am....not going to happen.

• I hate when someone asks for your opinion and you give it to them and they get mad. I know I can be very opinionated and very blunt- but dont ask if you dont want me to tell you the truth. Seriously- so many people get mad when I answer their questions- what would you do- what do you think. You asked what "I" thought. Keep that in mind. 

• I hate when you go out of your way to do something for someone and then you get nothing in return. 

• I hate fake people. I am SO GLAD I am not "friends" with a lot of people that I was at one time very close to. Dont try and be one thing one day and another the next. These people are fake because their lifestyles are never consistent. I heard a so called "friend", who was a Christian once say "I know my lifestyle isnt Christian when people look at me. I dont think "Christian" when I look at my life, but Im not ready to change it either.". WHAT? Wow- again this is why I hate fake people. One other time- I heard some people say "its ok to drink after a Bible study if you do it responsibly"...come again?? I feel like studying the Bible doesnt merritt the opportunity to have a few drinks after reading God's word.Thats wrong to me- and let me put this disclaimer out there now- if any of this offends you- then so be it. Im not putting blame on names, but Im exercising my right to freedom of speech. 
• I hate when people put pictures up on facebook that are 15 of the same pose. Just pick one people and show it off. I could care less about every one of those pictures that looks EXACTLY THE SAME. Stupid.
• I hate when older people add me on facebook. They act like it is just some new phenomenon and cant wait to be my friend. Um- I have had facebook since 2005. Its for my friends. Not my friend's mom's. So- you can bet your bottom dollar you will be waiting an eternity to hear back from that pending friend request- because it will never happen. I dont want you in my business and I SURE AS HECK dont want you posting your stupid hearts and farmville crap on my wall.
• I hate when people make an awkward situation and ask you "dont you just love this" and you just have to smile because you hate EVERYTHING about it. Or "my kids are so great- there are not any people like them on the planet". You are right- they are spoiled brats or jerks depending on the age.
• I hate when people wear mismatched socks.
• I hate when girls wear sofee shorts with Ugg boots.
• I hate that I lose EVERYTHING. I have recently lost my passport and I am so livid. I have lost a lot of other things too..and it just makes me so mad and disappointed in myself.
• I hate when people keep making notes that my parents give me everything. Yes I am VERY blessed. I wasnt blessed with siblings- so count your blessings. My blessing is that I dont have to share my parents. It is really frustrating when people remind you constantly that you grew up with a good life. And say "your daddy does this for you" "You got this because of your parents" "You havent done anything because your parents do it for you".  What people dont realize are the things I do on my own. Like pay my bills. make grown up decisions. Got a Masters. Have nice things that are well preserved because I know how to take care of things, unlike so many people. None of my stuff looks old or worn and my house isnt messy- I take care of the things I am charged with.
• I hate when waiters/waitresses dont bring you a refill. Hello Im gasping from thirst over here. That my friend is a SERIOUS determiner on your tip.
• I hate when people refer to me as "mean". Sometimes I can be. But please take a FULL look back at yourself and note that you can be as well. I know I can be hard on kids- but I was raised that you arent babied and you dont whine. Though some of you make think differently- see above about being spoiled. If you kid is acting up and you are the parent and letting them run hog wild- then why shouldnt I say something to them about stopping slamming pool balls together and screaming or running in church.
• I hate sitting at work with nothing to do. I like event days.
• I hate that I dont work out like I did in HS.
• I hate ignorant people. Just being stupid people.
• I hate that I made all these friends in college and now have none!! of them here with me. 
• I hate that Student Health Services is moving out to West Campus with the workout stuff and intramurals. It is the STUPIDEST decision ever.
• I hate when parents let their kids stand on the pews and tops of pews at church. Come on show some respect.
• I hate that the things that are GOOD for you cost so much- organic- healthy - natural. 

That will be it for now. I am just frustrated with a lot of things and people right now.

Aunt Rachel

I was blessed with the joy of being an only child. God knew I was a enough for my parents to handle. So that has always given me the other "joy" of being considered "spoiled, selfish and stingy". Some of that is partly true. I was spoiled with attention not only from my parents, but from my aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents. I was the youngest grandchild on my dad's side- so of course I got the royal treatment :). Selfish- sometime I really dont like people usign my stuff because I value my stuff so much and treat it much more gently than my friends. I didnt share clothes or jewelry until I lived with Julie- and she taught me that she would treat my stuff as good as I did and we never had any problems. So I have tried to share with my other bff Faren, God help her, but she broke every pair of earrings I let her borrow. So- she buys me new ones to replace the broken.

Anyyyway- I dont have any official nieces or nephews (when Jeffery marries me- I get 2 real ones) and it is really sad. BUT the good thing is that I have EIGHT count them 8 little cousins who call me Aunt Rachel and it blesses my heart. These kids have been my world since the first one Jackson came into the world 9 years ago. I also have adopted nieces and nephews from my closest friends who let me be a part of their child's life and let them call me Aunt Rachel (Emma Kate Renfroe and Ethan Whatley. It truly is a blessing.

Aunt Rachel loves to spend time with the elite 8 and my other 2 Britney and Bayle. I love them all so much and couldnt think of not having them ALL in my wedding (whenever it comes). I have had more experience changing diapers, feeding, bathing, watching, scolding, loving, and playing with these kids than any other person I know.  

Below you will find a story of each kid how they have changed my life. 

Jackson Lane Smades- aka Action Jackson- who recently just turned 9!! Man where has the time gone!! This is one of the smartest most inquisitive kids you will ever meet. He loves to show his brothers and sister how to do something and loves to be a leader. One time he was reading over my shoulder (and Aunt Rachel didnt know he could read) and I texted some boy I was dating I love you too and Jackson just balled out laughing and said "ohhh I love youuuuu". It was so embarrassing to have a kid read that out- and then proclaim it to the family. Jackson is always funny and always willing to help. I <3 him so much!

Gary Parker Smades- aka Parker Poos, 8
Parker has always been kidded about being so dark skinned. He got alllll the pigment of is siblings and we love to tease him about being a a different color than his family. One time he said "Im not black- Im Mexican". We all died laughing. He is a sweet kid who has eaten the same thing for most of his entire life- until last year. Normally he would just eat cookies and cream pop tarts- beefaroni and apple sauce with no chunks. But with a lot of encouragement and help- he not tries more food! Yay Parker. He ate fruit and chicken last night- I was in shock! Parker has always been the dare devil of the kids. He doesnt cry when he gets hurt and always pushes it to the limit of his boundaries. Like the one time he hung over the side of the stairs (up top) and just kinda hung out on the side of the wall til his dad came in and had to get him to drop off the side. Kinda crazy. Parker is a sweet kid and his lil lisp makes him ever so much more cuter.

Kathryn Grace Henson- Grace, aka Baby Grace 6
This is my sweetheart. Grace asked me a couple of weeks ago- "If you die can I have all your jewelry?". She LOVES jewelry. Loves it just like her Aunt Rachel. Another funny story about Grace is one time- while I wasnt around- she was supposed to go change or something- maybe put on her pjs- and she came out with her undies in her butt crack- like cheeks showing her large wedgie and said "this is how Aunt Rachel wears her underware". GASP!! HAAHHAH- she got it right. So embarrassing though. She is a very smart kid and dances. Im partial but she is really good. Parker and Grace look like they are related because she is really dark skinned as well. She is our little Pocahontas. She is learning to read and I just love it when we have girl time together. She is allllll girl friends. Wants her nails and hair done and her favorite color is purple. She has been called Baby Grace since before she was born- and that name never seems to drop because Jackson and Parker still call her that. She can be whiny- but when it comes down to it- she is a beautiful kid who has a piece of my heart.

Spencer Glen & Sydney Grae, aka the twins, almost 5 in a week!! 
If ever there were a set of twins who broke the mold- this would be them. Sydney is all princess and ballerina. Spencer= legos and star wars like his brothers. I cant wait til Sydney gets older and beats the mess out of her brothers (Jackson, Parker, Spencer). They are really different. Spencer is more of a lover and Sydney likes to be the center of attention (a trait I am sure she got from her Aunt). One time when My aunt (my dad's sister and all these kid's grandma) was having their family portrait done- I was there to corral kids. I pulled Sydney out of the hot wheels Barbie car and put her into the family picture. Keep in mind this was professional pics!! She screamed and pitched a HUGE FIT and messed up all the pictures. 
 
Here is her lovely face. The twins are great and have learned so much from their older brothers. They are so dang funny! Sydney takes the lead and doesnt give Spencer a chance. It is a good thing he likes to do things on his own- but he is a daredevil like Parker. When he was 3 he would ride the 4 wheeler standing on 1 leg. Like he was Evil Knievel. They are precious and I love them so very much!




Mason Grant Henson- aka CHUNK, 4

This sweet baby has had my heart since he came into the world. When he was born he had some complications, wimpy white boy syndrome, and was on a ventilator for a while. I was away in Connecticut and didnt get to see him until August when I came home. The 1st time I held him- he had my heart and has never let go. I love this kid so much!! His name chunk comes from when he was a little bit close to one- this boy was HUGE. My dad called him that and it has stuck ever since. He makes the cutest faces and is a riot! I could go on and on about how sweet of a kid he is, but I will just tell stories. He loves Mowgli and calls her a different name every time he sees her. Mow Mow, puffer berry, pup- whatever but he loves her. He loves some Optimus Prime too- and knows all the sounds and if you dont do them right he will let you know. He always loves for Aunt Rachel to hold him- and will pitch a fit until I do. I dont mind. Chunk is a precious kid who is hilarious and he makes me smile every time I talk to him.

Bryson Todd Smith, aka Brycey, 3 freshly turned! 

Bryce is the sweetest kid. He loves Mowgli too and chases her around the house. When he was a baby- you literally could not put him down because he cried. A lot. But he isnt as fussy now and is going to be really good at sports we all hope- and play for the bulldawgs! He is just a cute kid. He is bff with Grant. I cant really think of funny stories of him, Im sure there are. Ohhh wait. Last night Heather told a good one!! She had put Bryce and Aiden down for a nap and Bryce was not going to sleep. She walked in their room and Bryce was standing on his bed PEEING towards Aiden's crib!! The poor baby was getting peed on from his brother! Heather said it was trickling down from the crib and wet enough on the carpet to soak her socks. BAHAHAHAH! Picture this lil mess doing that!  I remember when I first got to hold him. It was the weekend I got my new car and I fell in love again- for the 7th time. He was so little and so irresistibly precious. Bryce always gives good hugs and loves on his Aunt Rachel. He likes to dance and sing and you cant help but laugh. He is going to break some hearts when he gets older, but never his Aunt Rachel's.

Aiden Joseph Smith, aka Aidy baby or Aidy poo- 1

 This is the smallest kid we have ever had in the elite 8. Aiden is SO TINY. He is going to be a climber for sure. He already has lots of bumps and bruises from him climbing on things he shouldnt. Such as the trike and chair last night which fell over on him. He is just so little, but you cant help but love on him because he is so flippin cute!! I was the first in the family to hold Aiden when he was born and out of the hospital. He was the best Christmas present for 2008. He was dressed in some candy cane pants and just so tiny. Again, my heart was melted. he looked like a little elf so tiny with his Christmas stuff on. 

That is the elite 8 friends. 

Here is my other real niece and nephew, Britney Abigail and Bayle Austin English. Bayle is a HANDFUL and wild and Brit is just as sweet as pie.

I love them all. Sometimes I forget that the elite 8 comes with 16 hands pulling and pointing, as well as 8 tiny mouths running all at the same time, but I wouldnt trade it for a thing!