Mother's Day- #1

Man. Have I learned a lot in 5 months- (14 if you count our pregnancy). Here are a few things, with minor details that I have learned about being a mom. If I am being honest-

It is very hard to meet the demands of your life (like sleeping and bathing), contribute to your spouse's ( you know that need I'm talking about), and be 100% responsible for this new human. It is hard. Overwhelming. So crazy.  It is so incredibly hard, but also the greatest joy of my life.

I have cried/cursed/and screamed more in the past 5 months than at any other transitional point in my life. Sometimes I have managed to do all three of these at one time. Emotional doesn't even begin to scratch the surface. I cry from feeling helpless, I have cursed out of frustration, and I have screamed because I didn't feel anything else. My feelings seem to get a lot more hurt now that I have a baby- and the world isn't always nice. Those hormones are a real doozy. I have also found that I have been the most humbled and have eaten my words more than once. I have experienced true grace and love from God. I have been reminded that when I feel these emotions, that they are only for a moment and that God is quick to rescue me. 

It is very hard to not compare yourself to other parents. I struggled with this before baby in terms of appearance and talent, now it is a full on war that I have to choose not to participate in- because I will honestly make myself sick trying to be "that mom". Everything I remotely thought I was "good" or "successful" at- is now a thing of the past. My house would be clean enough, my clothes put away, my kitchen clean, and my pantry full. Those things are long gone. I have to remind myself that I am not my mother- or anyone else- and this is my real life and we live in our house- and I am Kaleb's mom. Some days I just can't. And I am learning that is ok.

A baby changes everything- Johnson and Johnson says- and there have never been truer words spoken. Maybe one day we can have friends over, our guest room won't look like an explosion occurred, my crafts will actually get done, and shoot- maybe I will put on some makeup again one day. Until then, I will be found pulling soiled diapers out of my car- purse and couch?, trying to determine how much spit up has to be present in my hair before I wash it, searching relentlessly for missing pacis, and just sitting on the couch, next to the 4 piles of laundry.

I view my entire life completely different now that I have a baby. Nothing is the same and everything has changed. Instead of just being, I now have to focus on being there for my baby. Protecting, engaging, making the most out of everything and trying to make sure I instill in my kid what I want him to know. There is not a day that goes by that I don't question- well what if this happens or what will we do when this happens. Worry, guilt, frustration, excitement, all of these happen at once now that my tiny human has made his way here.

Everyone has an opinion about everything. The crazy flip side of that is everyone also has feelings- and sometimes this part is forgotten. Here is the one thing that I understand now: Every parent gets to determine how they want parenting to look like in their homes- and they get to make the rules for their kids. Every baby is different- even from the same parents- and you have to figure out what works for you (even if that means you do life a little differently). 

Parenting is a sensitive subject. More time- I can see that being the #1 thing parents ask for (with more sleep coming in at a close 2). When K was first born, I couldn't wait for him to be able to hold his head up on his own. Now- we are having like 2 and 3 milestones a WEEK. My once tiny little guy is now a big ol whopper. Going from a head full of hair- to a bald Charlie Brown head- to now some blondish locks- from some sweet baby gums to 2 razors emerging from his bottom gum line- at one point he was stationary- he is inching across the room now.

Time doesn't just fly when you are having fun. It just flies. I'm trying hard to hold on to these sweet moments that will be gone in a blink of an eye. So fast. So many changes- but so incredibly awesome to be able to be a part of.