With 4 days left

I haven't written since I was trying to get that large elephant off of my chest. I have been enjoying my marriage and taking in the last bit of the first year- and let me just say the first year was great.

Along the way in revealing my weaknesses, my vulnerabilities, my struggles and what I am dealing with as a Christian woman- not anyone else's stuff- it seems I have been once again labeled a hypocrite and the internet police have said "I can't do that". Word to the wise- if you complain about what I write- and tell me directly to my face that you don't want to read my blog or talk about me and what I write- um...don't read it. It isn't a make or break deal for me. But in all seriousness, if you say you could care less what I write about (hey, for the record- it is mainly Jesus)- why are you still here?? You don't have to read this, no one is forcing you.

 I'm not alarmed if my readership doesn't increase. Again, this is my therapy and my time. This is my blog. Not a tutorial. Not a cookbook. Not a fashionista stop. There are plenty of awesome blogs that do that. This is however, my real world and I'm trying to be honest. I'm not here to deal with anyone but me. My writings can come across as snarky, but if you truly know me- and know my heart- you know that being a Christian is everything to me.   

Since my last reveal of what I had been dealing with, I have prayed and prayed- gone to the alter and prayed for healing and restoration. I have shared my struggle of unforgiveness with my Sunday School class and I have complained to my husband for the past 4 months. 

I haven't been praying just for me- I have been trying to pray for the people who hurt me as well (even when they don't want my prayers). Do y'all even know how hard that is? I'm thankful that I have a God-fearing husband who helps me with the things I struggle with. He reminds me that they need grace just as Christ gave it to me. Hard. Pill. To. Swallow. 

Grace can be summed up as: getting what you don't deserve. Man, sometimes I wish that "eye for an eye" was still in play. That is wrong guys, but that is truth. But my loving husband with his patient and godly heart, reminds me that it does no good to treat people the way they treat you. It only makes your character a reflection of your flesh- and not a reflection of Christ. 

My one and only goal in this life that I have been given is to model Christ. All the rest will fade away. I want to know that I have defended my faith and stood up when others persecuted the Jesus I love. I want to know that I have been an example of Christ to others when they needed it most. I don't selfishly want this for my gratification- I want it for God's glorification. Move me out of the picture. 

Sometimes I don't have a Christ-like attitude. You know why? Because I let my flesh get the best of me and let the devil get a foothold. I am human- and I never said I was perfect. I do, however, believe in the author and perfecter of my faith and I know that Christ is in me. 

As the last days of lent wrap up, I pray my revelation of Christ is magnified and he is glorified. I pray for healing still in my heart and those who have shot the arrows. I pray for Easter to be a marvelous reminder that God's love for us is real and nothing can take that away from us.