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Sometimes I have a lot of questions in my head and they scream and try and take over my brain. If you could somehow tap into my thoughts and actually see and hear what is going on in there, I think it would not only scare the bageezies out of you, but you would probably think I was stupid. I have a lot of questions that this world can't answer and I am having to search them out myself and figure them out. Questions that overwelm me. Sometimes I take them to God, sometimes I don't. Here are a few thoughts that I just can't get a grip on:

Why is it that every one of my friends from college is happy, married, pregnant, or living the dream- and I feel like I am barely getting by?

What needs to change in me so I can live my dreams? How do I get there? What do I need to let go of in order to see who I really am? What do I even want out of life? What are my dreams?, because I don't know at this point.

What does it feel like to wake up next to the same person every day? What does it feel like to know that someone loves you so much they want to spend the rest of their life with you- no one else but you?

Why is it that some people can eat whatever they want and never sweat a drop and can have a much smaller body- and I literally look at food and gain weight?

What is it like to know that you make someone happy? What does it feel like to know that someone wants to make you the happiest person in the world and they do simple random sweet nice things to make this happen? Or yet- what is it like to know that someone WANTS you in their life as well as NEEDS you?

What is it like to sit back in your house and know that you are paying for this house- you own it?

How does it feel to know you have a talent that people request your services for? Do people ever get sick of their talents and wish for something else? Do they get tired of using their talents and ever compare themselves to others who are different from them?

How does it really feel to have money? Seriously, the ability to do whatever, whenever without money being an option?

Do the people that I esteem the highest have secret sins like I do that they find themselves running to when they are alone- or do they truly have their lives together and I am just an idiot?

How does it feel to know someone is really in love with you, and that they don't just love you as a person, they are in love with you?

Have people who just up and moved ever regretted it- or was it the best decision they ever made?

How do you truly become a better person- one where people don't gossip about you because there is nothing bad to say?

How do you really get content with what you have and not envy other's for the things they have?

When it is all said and done, are people going to celebrate your life- or just be glad it is over?

Why is it easy to fix other people and their problems, but I can't even admit my own or work on myself first?

Why do we have to be alone, when we don't want to be alone- no friends, no common comforts, nothing- and why does it hurt so bad?

What made me not good enough? Can that be changed- or is it a part of me?

How does it feel to truly make a difference in someone's life and know that you helped change them for good?

Do people look up to me- or are they looking down on me because of how I present myself in certain situations?

That is enough for now. It is just as overwhelming to see all of this in print than ringing in my ears.