I just saw I last posted in August- good grief that was an eternity ago.
We welcomed a sweet screaming and kicking baby into the world on December 3, 2014. He has since stolen our hearts and is the ruler of the house. I have been meaning to write about our pregnancy/delivery experience for a while now. There are a lot of things that I knew going in that I feel helped us have a great delivery/birthing experience. There are also some things that I learned in the process that might help someone else out in their experience. So- here goes. These is my 1st Top 10 thoughts and attitudes- you can take them or leave them.
There are a few rules to parenting- that sometimes do not get followed.
Rule #1- Do not ask a new momma or daddy from the time they bring baby home til baby is 3 months old "Is he/she sleeping through the night?" or "How are they sleeping?"
Why does everyone want to know how your kid is sleeping? Is that like new parent etiquette to ask just so you can laugh??? Just don't ask it. 1 it really is none of your concern- and 2 they are a newborn human trying to figure out life outside of the womb. New babies don't sleep. Period.
(and if you are so lucky that your child has slept great since day one- you don't need to mention that either). Breastfed babies certainly don't sleep for long periods of time- because breast milk is easily digested and therefore- baby needs to eat more to feel full!
I think this was one of the most frustrating things when we had Kaleb. Every visitor wanted to know how he was sleeping. Here is your clue: Take a look at momma and daddy and if they look like they got ran over by a Sharpie truck- then you will know. Baby isn't sleeping. My answer has now become- he is sleeping like a baby. Next go around (if there is one) it will be "they are sleeping great." Some kids never sleep- just don't ask.
Rule #2- I learned to not offer advice unless it was solicited {I'm aware I am doing that with this post, but this is an experience post as well :)}
Every pregnancy is different (no matter what that book What to Expect when you are Expecting claims) and
every delivery is different- and
every baby is different. You cannot hope to base your experience off of someone else's experience because you will soon fall short or be really disappointed.
It isn't a contest. I did find that it was MUCH easier to take advice from friends who were "in the trenches" with us....like they have a baby under age 1 right now as well. I was lucky to have a few friends pregnant at the same time and we have formed a sweet bond to answering each others questions and reassuring that we are being good mommas. Ask your questions to those people- because it just helps when their kids are little and not "oh well my baby liked this"- and their baby is now 30. A LOT has changed in 3 decades of parenting- and it is just nice to have someone going though it with you. - With that said...I'm just offering my experience up since I have a lot of pregnant friends who are probably scared like I was.
There are some other rules I would like to include- but for now we will move on to the first Top 10!
1. If you do not like your doctor/hospital for delivery-
you need to change. Seriously, this was the BIGGEST and
Best decision we made at week 13. I wanted to be in a place that was prepared to delivery a baby and care for momma in case there was an emergency- not have that hospital come and get my baby and
leave me at the non-trauma hospital
until I was released to go to the trauma hospital to be with my baby. Having a NICU was #1 priority. Also, I wanted to feel like an expectant mom- not a number or a paycheck. We changed to a practice that actually knows my face and knows my husband- and they are incredibly nice. So nice I ever took them cookies for the whole office because it was THAT great of an experience. My doctor- good grief he found his calling. Out of this world on being able to talk to me and make me feel comfortable and knows. his. stuff. Answered all my questions and never made me feel like I should have known the answer ( I didn't read any books, didn't have that many questions, but towards the end I did). He is top notch. I was weirded out by going to a male doctor because I had never been, but I can honestly say the 3 men doctors I had at the practice were A WHOLE LOT more compassionate and understanding that the women from the practice where I came from. Change doctors if there is ANY hesitation. You will not regret it. Driving to Macon was well worth the care I received, and my husband could tell I was more at ease from being there. Also-
Board Certification is KEY. You want a doctor that has passed a proficiency test in OBGYN and has to report to a higher up community when things go wrong, should they go wrong.
2.
Stay hydrated. I tried to drink a gallon of water each day during my pregnancy- and a little more the last 2 weeks before delivery. You have no idea how much this helps towards the end- because you can't get an epidural until they give you a bag of fluid to offset the possibility of making your blood pressure drop. I didn't know that til childbirth class. So- no matter what your pain level is like- you ain't getting the good stuff til they pump you with fluids. The more hydrated you are when you go in- the better you absorb the additional fluid and it goes faster- which means pain goes away quicker! I drank a bottle of water on the way to the hospital- and my sweet dr let me have ice chips after the epidural. You do not want to be thirsty in labor!!
The second part of drinking lots of water during my pregnancy helped me not gain a lot of weight. Every girl wants that right? Start drinking and make it a habit. I gained 1 pound over my max I set for myself. (and if you are wondering- it was 31 lbs- 30 was my limit). I have lost almost all of the baby weight, minus the last 7 lbs of pregnancy weight. Chalk that up to breastfeeding and drinking my gallon. Let's hope I can fit in my real clothes sometime before the kid turns 2.
3.
You can't believe everything you read. I didn't read anything til 3 weeks before delivery. I wanted to experience it and form my own opinions. I read on a money saving blog you would only need 3 packages of newborn diapers because they grow so fast. Wrong. My baby stayed in newborns til he was over a month old. We went through a case and some packages! I read Babywise after delivery- and it helped me to understand what could be wrong, but my baby isn't following that schedule like I hoped. I read the last 2 weeks of chapters in what to expect...and it didn't really tell me anything my childbirth class didn't mention. Don't freak yourself out based on books and stories. I did read about breastfeeding- the how to's and do's and don'ts, and I think that helped a lot.
4.
Ask questions to your doctor/teachers/nurses. The more you ask the more you know. If you don't ask it, you will always be wondering. And ask the questions
everyone wants to know the answer to- but is afraid to ask. In our childbirth class (I recommend you take this and a breast feeding class because that knowledge is wonderful and put me at ease about a lot of things!) I asked what is the protocol when things go wrong- what happens to momma and baby- what about busting stitches- how often does this hospital do c-sections/use forceps ...those good things.
5. No one wants to talk about this- but I will. Every expectant mom's fear is that they will
poop on themselves during pushing. I was
scared to death of this and I told my doctor I was and that if I did I would have to find a new doctor- and he said- "well I don't want you to think you have to do that, it happens, we are used to it". and
I reiterated I didn't want it to happen- so he offered up this little gem of a secret:
get an enema at the hospital/ or do one at home before you come. Sounds so gross- but I'm telling you it was worth it. Less that 5 minutes of being incredibly uncomfortable with a nurse- and then using the bathroom- then I was good to go. That was the best decision I made. (and no I didn't have my fear come true because of this!)
6.
Eat before you go to the hospital. I was sort-of-induced/scheduled for delivery (I was almost 5cm at my due date appointment-I was 5 cm by the time we got to the hospital the next day). You can't eat once they get you in checked in until after the baby is delivered. So eat something with protein and carbs before you go!
7.
The magic hour. Not all hospitals do this, but it is an awesome thing. Your experience will be just that- magical and truly special. After you deliver- baby is kept with mom and dad- skin to skin- for an hour. No family interruptions. No weight. No bath. Just perfect bonding time. It was truly beautiful. Yes our parents were dying to see the baby- but this was time we were never going to get back and it was just the 3 of us. If they don't have that, ask to delay all the measurements/bath.
8.
Lactation consultant. Mine was a life saver. She came in after my magic hour and helped me to figure out breastfeeding. (that doll we practiced with just wasn't the same- this new toy had some serious gums). She was an angel who worked with me for 20 minutes- came to my room that night and helped- and then the next day came by. I had to call her when I was at home and she spent 20 minutes answering all my questions. It was awesome. Use them if you plan to breastfeed.
9.
Breastfeeding: No one told me it was going to feel like a baby alligator with no teeth clinched down on your nipple.
Seriously- why didn't anyone say it was going to hurt?! It was truly one of the hardest things I have ever done- but man it has been so worth it. Lactation nurse gave me a nipple shield and I used it for a month- and now we don't have to. Pack one in your bag just in case. Not every hospital gives them out, but mine did with lanolin cream- that is amazing too. Breastfeeding was really hard the
first 6 weeks of Kaleb's life, but I will tell you what someone told me- stick with it if you want to do it- the pain does go away and it gets so much easier once you figure out what works for you and baby. I am very grateful to have a husband that supported me in doing this- if you have no support, it will not work for you. You can also exclusively pump if you just can't breastfeed because of the pain.
Kevin and I had some friends say some
really hurtful things to me/us about breastfeeding- that I wasn't giving my baby enough and he needed more- and I needed to supplement- and that he was just incredibly hungry which is why he wasn't sleeping though the night- and he should be sleeping the entire night at 7 weeks-and 30 minutes more of what we were doing wrong and what we should be doing- and it affected me so bad that it made my milk supply decrease a LOT that day. I cried and cried. Hear me now: if you don't want to breastfeed, that is so ok. But if someone else is trying-
do not tell them it isn't enough and their kid needs to be eating more or they need to supplement. If that baby is gaining weight and peeing, there is nothing wrong.
Find your support before you start. Your Pediatrician will tell you when it is time to supplement.
10.
Parenting- It is truly the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I have come to find that how someone else does things is how they do them- and they are the parents. The only part of that I can and will question because it is a threat to my family- is not vaccinating. Everything else is totally the parent's choice of how to do things. So, if momma doesn't want baby out because of being born in flu/rsv season, that needs to be respected. If momma/daddy don't want to do daycare- that is their choice. If momma doesn't want the baby away from home while he is still young, we have to understand that this is their baby and they get to make those choices. Yes I have become obsessive about not getting our baby sick or putting him in danger. I know these feelings will fade, but right now he is still my little baby and I am doing all I can to protect him. We just need to be respectful about it. It is so hard to see the other side right now, but it is their kid. If they make a mistake, they will learn from it.
I didn't let Kaleb have a passy when he was born- at day 5 pediatrician said he could have it after Kevin asked- and now when he is fussy the passy works- sometimes. He only gets it when he is fussy or going to sleep.
I wanted to use regular diapers, but I can totally understand why people use cloth. We have emptied our pail 2 times this week!
I want my kid to eat healthy so we are going to make our own baby food and breastfeed (if we can) til he is 1. I'm still out on that teeth/boobie thing, so he might just get breastmilk bottles then! ;)
How one person does things is their business and I'm so sorry if I ever opened my mouth about how something should be done to any of my friends.
There you have it- my first Top Ten. Tune in tomorrow for what
really went down in the delivery room. Something about "push it, push it real good" in a Marty Huggins voice.
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age 3-4 Burger King Milly
Age 22, Applebees Milly
Age 23, Comedy Club Macon
Age 24, Pottery painting Macon
Age 25, ATL Airport- #5 missed flight to Vegas
25, Vegas
28, Hilton Head Island
29, Tybee Island
29
