Funny.

Funny how life has a way of working itself out. Or- is it that God really is in control of this thing called life and he works it out to our good?

Just a few updates for my life as of lately. This post was started sometime in the end of June...whoops.


1. Bama called last week (Friday 6/29). I can't begin to describe how the emotion of contentment and satisfaction flowed over me when I was talking to the director. She said they offered the position to someone else but was incredibly grateful to have met me and learned a lot from me. This was truly God ordained that I didnt get offered this job. I was ok with not going and so thankful for them taking a chance on me- and spending a lot of time and money on me to get me down there. I learned so much from this experience- about myself and my career. Thank you God, because we both know that Bama wasnt right for me right now.

2. I moved on Friday (6/29). From the "Ritz Carlton" of townhouses to the "Holiday Inn" of places. I have peace about it. I am hoping that it will be an ok place. I like it- I just need more space, but I am going to have to live in the content life again. We need to fix the smell- or the mold if that is there, but so far, it has been ok.

3. Things took a MAJOR turn of events for me over the past 3 weeks (starting 6/21). If you have been following this blog- you know that for the last 6 months- all hell broke lose back in January. Crazy how God works things out- better than you could ever plan or imagine. I can finally admit how bad things were. It is ONLY because of the sheer grace of God that I can do this. I might have did post some awful feelings on here. You probably pictured me crying my eyes out and wiping the snot from my nose when you read some of my sob stories. That is all very true. I can admit that I pretty much went off the deep end of a broken heart. I did have eating disorder issues. I did have to go to counseling. I did have to have my boss MAKE me go to counseling. I did cry to my parents every chance I got. I did lose ALL self confidence and self worth. I did get stupid jealous of people for no reasons. I did only apply to Bama to get the heck away from all of this. I did not care about anything. I did wish hurt on people, just so they would feel what I was feeling. I did make a lot of mistakes. I did fill up the last 3 months with a person I shouldnt have, since they broke my heart. I did make dumb decisions based on temporary feelings- praise the Lord they weren't permanent. I did act like a hamster on a wheel and just ran and ran and ran and never went anywhere because I was too afraid of change. I did lose it. I did talk about this like it was my child and bore my friends to tears from going on and on and on and on about it. I did make myself miserable.

I did all of this and more- yet God chose to bring me through this in a way that would only make me appreciate the rain because the rainbow I am standing under now is completely perfect. People say you never understand something until you have to go though it own your own. I can attest to this. You have HAVE have to go through bad times in your life to really appreciate the good ones. My bad time lasted 6 months. Even though it couldve been cut short earlier, I know that God wasnt finished with me.

So- pick up to today, July 11, 2012. WHOA. Things are very different. I will admit that I have to eat my words about never dating again and that I was going to spend the rest of my life alone with just me and Mowgli. So, for those of you, the countless number of you, who said this (that I would date again and I would marry and I would be happy) to me- I am sorry I didnt listen or believe you when you believed in me. God has brought me the most amazing MAN to spend life with. How it happened is a crazy story that only God could make happen. It is amazing how things quickly change and you just say to God "I give UP! I am so stinking tired of this- because nothing is changing. If you want something for my life, you better bring it, because I am DONE trying to find out what it is." These are my EXACT words. You have no idea what it took in me to say this to God, but I am so glad I did. I let it go. I let all the past hurt and drama and neglect and NOTHING EVER CHANGING GO. Gone. I was done. And God is faithful and provided.

Never once did he leave me- he carried me through this mess to bring me a beautiful story- that he wrote just for me.

So, today I sit here and type this and reflect on a lot of things. Right now I have it pretty dang good. A guy who truly truly loves me (I know you dont understand that, but it isnt for you to understand)- showers me with attention and affection- parents who still love me after moving me 8 times and support me and my decisions, even if they are wrong- some pretty awesome ladies who have heard my truest heart of hearts and let me cry out my problems to them (so thanks Amy, Andrea, Laurie, Julie R. and Rachel- I couldnt ask for better friends to confide in)- some amazing coworkers who love the pieces out of me and are so happy that I am happy and give me REAL life advice because they truly care about me (My boss, Leah, and Stephanie) and a relationship with the Lord that is much stronger now because of this. To you God I am grateful- because you know what is best for me- because you created best.